Boyfriend doesn't think he'll ever get married?

[LouiseTS]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, he's 25 and i'm 22. We both have stable jobs.
I live with my parents and he lives 55km's away in a flat that he's renting (he works 55km away).
We have an amazing relationship and I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.

Recently a lot of our friends have been getting engaged or married and we joke about how stupid they are wanting to get married at 21/22/23/24.
When we first started dating, my bf told me that he would never get married.

Then I had a pregnancy scare and I said that I wasn't ready for children, to which he agreed and said that we could think about children if we were still together in 5 or so years and married.

Last night, another of our friends announced their engagement and he said that he probably would never get married, he'd just live with someone. I ignored his comments and changed the subject.

I want to get married one day and have children in a married relationship and now i'm freaking out that he is serious about not getting married ever?

[LouiseTS]

Thanks for all your input!

I do not want to get married for the next 5 years at least... I still have my law degree to finish and settle down.
My boyfriend, although 25, shows signs of immaturity every now and again.
He didn't say that he never wanted to get married, just that he didn't think that he would ever.
His 2 best friends are both single (they do not even have gf's) and the one that he's closest with has no respect for relationships and prefers to screw around.
I think that i'm going to hang in there until I need to get married and see what happens.

[adgal]

Throughout my entire 20's and even into my early 30's I had absolutely no desire to get married.  When I met my husband at 35 it changed and we were married within a year and 1/2.  Some of us are just late bloomers.  In my case I think there was a real fear of commitment..not sure where it came from but am certain that was part of it.  Talk to him before you do anything drastic.  If he loves you and knows it's important to you he will be at least open to the idea.  Also, asking why he feels the way he does can give you some insight.  Good luck to you/

[iam1butterfly]

Often, we use our peers as a measure of our accomplishments in life.
So, as your friends continue to settle down; get married; have kids; and buy homes,
you'll be faced with constant reminders of where you are (and where you're not) in your current relationship. Therefore, you both need to decide where you want your relationship to lead. If you want marriage, at some point in the future, and he's totally closed to the idea... then, you're both wasting your time with each other because the subject of marriage is not going to go away... and his opposition to marriage may not change.
By the way, why does he never want to get married?

[vmvnpv]

I wasted my time in a relationship with a guy who never wanted to get married.  I thought I could change his mind.  It didn't happen and so I moved on.  When I started dating DH the first things I asked him were 1) if he ever wanted to get married and 2) if he wanted to have children.  Neither of them had to be with me or in the near future but if he answered no to either of those questions then I wasn't going to move on in the relationship.  I knew what I wanted out of life and I wasn't wasting my time in a 3, 4, 5 year relationship and it not go anywhere.

With that said, your bf might now want to get married at this time of his life but he may change his mind in the future.  The question is do you want to wait for him to change his mind?  It's nice to know the person you are with have the same goals in life and if he is never going to change his mind then you are just wasting your time if you know for sure that you DO want to get married.  Or, as harsh as it is, you may not be the right one for him.  I know a lot of guys who never wanted to get married but then they met the woman that completely changed them and are now happily married.  You need to sit down and talk to him about what he wants.  If he is certain he doesn't want to get married then you have to decide if that's what you want too.

[Judy246]

Many people and couples in their early to mid 20's do not want or are not ready for that type of committment yet. Some are many are not. I think this is how he feels at this point in time, but we don't know what tomorrow will bring. He might have a change of heart or maybe not. Some guys if you mention the word "marriage", will run as far and as fast ad they can and this type of conversation can lead to them backing away if not leaving completely.

You have to take a chance or risk and have a talk with him, to discuss what his future outlook in a relationship is and if this type of committment is what you want, just ask him what does he want out of a relationship, so that you can make sure you are both in sync and not waisting each others time and youth on someone who is not only not ready to commit, but does not see committment in his future.

[megochick101]

You need to have a serious talk with him about where he sees your future going. If you really want marriage and kids one day and he really does not, then I don't think there is any use in staying together since you both feel so differently.

[jo929]

I do not think this relationship is going anywhere especially marriage, he has told you so, and that means he does not care enough to offer, I knew this couple that went together6 years he was in the service he wanted to wait untill he got out to marry one day  she got a leter, he had met the girl of his dreams and they were married 6 weeks later, so do not let him fool you   luck  jo

[AHP84]

He probably thinks he's serious right now, but I doubt that he'll keep the mindset of wanting to stay unmarried his whole life. It's a possibility, but I really think he'll change his mind.
He's 25 years old and still has some maturing to do. Right now, he probably thinks he's living a great life of freedom and pleasure, free of legal commitment, and not obligated to anyone but himself. A marriage changes that, obviously.
However, so does co-habitation, or living together as a committed couple, and adding a child or more to the mix. And it sounds like that is something he is open to considering, because he probably thinks that option offers more freedom for himself and far less legal obligation, which of course, is a complete misconception. If that's the way he's thinking, then that's what I mean by saying he still has some maturing to do.
Talk to him and figure out where he stands, and if he honestly thinks he'll change his mind in a few years or if he really is serious about being "single" his whole life. Based on that, decide where you want to go from there; if the relationship is worth investing any more time into if you will never get what you ultimately would desire from it, which is a legal and lifelong committment to each other. It's important that you get on the same page about this so you know whether or not you're wasting your time.