So I'm 11 weeks pregnant. This is irrelevant but I thought id throw this in there. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and I feel like he takes me for granted. When we first started dating he would do anything for me and show me tons of love and affection. I feel as if now he just is used to me and thinks he doesn't have to try anymore. I don't know what I should do in order to make him realize I'm not permanent and he has to show me love in order for me to stay. I cry every night because I feel so lonely and unloved. Please help. Thanks in advance.
Hi there and welcome. Well, this would be easier if you weren't pregnant. Because now, you two really ARE tied together forever. Relationships evolve over time to a comfortable place. But, if once the 'newness' wears off and the couple doesn't have a foundation of love and respect, the relationship often peters out. It sounds like if you weren't pregnant, that would be the situation with you and your boyfriend. Because you are pregnant, my hope is that you two can grow that foundation so you can remain together.
So, that is what you have to work on. I would talk to him not about what he could do better or what he is doing wrong but instead, talk to him about how you want you BOTH to be happy. That now you are having a baby and you hope this relationship lasts so that you can be a family. What does he say about the baby by the way? Sometimes if it is a surprise and a person especially young men aren't ready for it, they pull away and go a bit 'crazy' once they are hit with "you're gonna be a dad!". Do you think that his him?
Also, you don't give specifics about what he is doing to make you feel so bad. Not being loving and affectionate? What exactly does that mean?
Have you talked to him directly about how he feels about the relationship? Has he said anything about you in terms of his partner? Does he talk about your future (besides the baby?)?
I'm just trying to get a feel for what's going on in order to try to help.
But I know when I approach my husband in a way that is really honest--- I DO want him to be happy with me and me to be happy with him and what can WE do to make that happen---- I get much further in the conversation verses telling him what he is doing is wrong. It's a way of talking that doesn't put them on the defensive. I ask questions like "what do you need to be happy in this relationship." and that opens up the door for me to express what I need as well.
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