My suspicion of what my bofriend of three years does in the computer room has been confirmed. Since we have been going out, I have noticed that my boyfriend is in the computer room a lot when I go to bed. I have niavely tried to ignore that he is hiding something when he has to have the door closed, but deep down I had an uncomfortable feeling. In the beginning of our relationship, I caught him looking at porn, and I confronted him about it. He said that he looked at it once in a while. I kind of accepted that fact with the understanding that guys are very visual, and some need that stimulation once in a while.
In the past two weeks I have built up the courage to do some investigative work. My objective is to find out what this guy is all about. I have been looking at the websites he has been downloading. I view this internet history under the "Internet Options" tab in the control panel. My boyfriend, of course, does not know that I am checking his activity as he doesn't know that you can does this. All he know is that he has to delete the websites from the history tab when on the internet, so he is being sly about it, and so am I !!!!!! I am so disgusted and saddened at the fact that he only looks at TEEN PORN (18 year olds). He is 35 and I am 28. I don't understand why he has to look at really young girls to get his rocks off. What makes it worse is that he does it daily between 12 midnight and 4 in the morning. He is surfing porn for like 2 to 3 hours at a time. I find this to be obsessive/excessive. He has also been looking at girls on a chat website. These girls live in the same city as us. I have been looking at this website at the guys who live in our city, and luckily, I don't see a profile made for him, but he may have one that doesn't hve a photo. We also don't have much of a sex life. He doens't show any interest in me to have sex. In fact, since the start of our relationship, he has never been a one to want regular sex; now I know why. He doesn't show me any affection either, but he never has, so I can't really complain about this.
I just feel very unattractive and old now. I had a baby with him a year ago and I feel that it is hard just to leave him without any explaination. Since finding this information out about him, I realize that we have a lot more problems then I initially thought. He also tells lies which makes me feel uncomfortable as I don't know when he is telling the truth. I feel as though I don't know him anymore and I feel distant. Everytime I see young women and I am with him, I think to myself: I wonder what he his thinking about when he looks at her. I kind of think that this has been me feel a lot more ugly and fat, cause I am comparing myself to other women. I don't want to cause an argument about it because I am going home to the UK soon as I currenlty live in Canada, and I don't want him to try and disallow me from taking our daughter there. I just feel so stuck because I know that it is important for me to confront him about this, but at the same time, I don't want to suffer big consequences. He is the type of guy who gets defensive and spits out an array of threats when someone pisses him off. He is angry a lot (not abusive towards me), and complaines all of the time - negative attitude most of the time. I don't want to go on and on about it, but I feel so ugly now and undesirable.
I have said a lot of neg stuff about this boyfriend of mine, and i want to mention some good stuff to bring balance. He is a good worker, he is a good father, he helps me with laundry and house work, he sometimes makes supper, and gives me his paycheck to pay house hold expenses. He sometimes works evenings to make extra cash as he is a plumber; I don't know now if he cheats on me when working these extra hours. I used to think that he was honestly working, but now, my world feels like it's full of doubt.
Does anyone have suggestions? I don't know what to do - my head feels scattered. On top of this, I have been suffering from a debilitating condition for the past year (constant dizziness), and that is why I am going to the UK for medical help. I am afraid that when I get home, he is going to be cheating. Is it justifiable for me to have this distrust?
Guys watch porn. Not all but lots. You have to think of it as you are better than them. He IS with you, he ISNT with them. You might want to check up on the income. Maybe his pay stubs to see if he is working extra hours. Be more open with him about it. Like ask him what hes doing when you go to bed. Be open but not accusing about the porn topic, so it doesnt seem so tabu. Guys will hide anything if they think they are being judged by it. If all he is doing is looking at porn and you dont HAVE PROOF he is cheating, you need to trust him. Ive had the same sort of issue but he isnt cheating, I just never think Im good enough. Hope this helps. All teh best with your medical condition and hubby situation.
It does sound like a porn addiction to me. I have had experience with this (my soon to be ex-husband) and it took something drastic for him to change. We would have a big fight about it and he would say he threw everything out and then I would find it stashed somewhere. Or I would find out that he went and bought more and hid it from me. He also has some fetishes that turned into addictions as well. I tried watching porn with him and participating in some of the fetishes (as much as I could stand) because I loved him and thought that I could learn to accept these things. It turns out it gave him an excuse to go even further with things and pretty soon he was asking me to do some pretty strange stuff. It took me saying I wanted a trial separation (for other reasons as well) for him to finally get rid of everything once and for all. I no longer find porn history on the computer and unless he's got it hidden well, I don't find anything else.
My advice to you is find a time where you are both calm and relaxed and there are no kids around and bring it up. He'll get defensive, no doubt and he'll be pissed that you snooped on him. But just tell him how you feel and hopefully he will understand and want to get help. I doubt it's something he can do without professional help (from the sounds of how often and how long he views it). He's not going to be happy to hear that but he's going to have to accept it or he's going to lose you. And stand your ground too because if you give him an inch...well you know the rest.
Your concern is justifiable and it sounds as he might have a porn addiction. It's time to confront him with your findings and get an explanation for his behavior. Discuss with him how his behavior is affecting you and making you feel self conscience. If I were you, I would surprise him and bring the computer into your bedroom. Tell him you are considering other plans for the "computer room" and right now need the computer in your bedroom or confront him and tell him that since he can't be trusted on the computer, you want it in the room immediately.
Other options if you feel the relationship is in trouble, recommend a counselor to get to the bottom of the real problems in your relationship.
Just want to say that you for taking the time to read my post and give me valuable advice. I guess I am afraid and concerned in case he tries to pursue niave 18 year olds. I would find it very degrading and embarrassing if he did. I think my biggest fear is him having an underlying desire to be sexually active with teens. I know that this might me affecting my self esteem, in terms of, him looking at young women, but I have enough self respect not to stay with him if he doesn't get this addiction resolved. I know it is going to be extremely hard to rectify this because I think he has been doing this for years.
You are welcome and this needs to be confronted head on. He either gets help, put computer in your room, counseling, seperation and if all else fails, you need to re-evaluate if you want to continue in the marriage.
I am right there with you! my boyfriend, and father of our 10 month old daughter, watches teen porn daily. not for hours, but it is a daily occurrence. a few months back he was also on our local Craigslist casual encounters personals... I confronted him about that and he has quit.
he is the closest thing to perfect in a man except for the daily porn ... BUT recently I found he messaged a girl he knows on Facebook asking for new pictures cause he wanted "new material"... very saddened. I don't believe he is cheating on me- there is no time but I still feel betrayed. he had a gambling problem and has been going to weekly meetings the past 4 months which I am so proud of. hopefully he can get a handle on this problem as well, because I can't accept it and I have tried...
My boyfriend is 24 as well as I am. I recently seen in his phone that he views teen porn when I asked him he says that it's legal they're adults posing as teens.., it still concerns me and rubs me the wrong way. We've been together for 8 months and I love him dearly his a hard working bring humble calm young man but I notice how he looks at women when we're out in public and it's a concern of mine. I was molested at a young age and if I choose to have a future with him I wouldn't want that happening to my children. Any help and tips?
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