Boyfriend keeps questioning about past and doubts unneccessarily!

[lovely4321]

I seriously need help!
In my 2 yrs of relationship I've been through a lot of phases- happy sad worst..so I would start from the beginning..I and my boyfriend started really well. We met each other, went places, movies, shopping etc. Everything was fine until that day when he saw my conversation with old friend whom I haven't to since years. I just wished him happy birthday and my bf went mad. My bf btw had an ex and he had sexual relationship with her before and he continued talking to her even when we were together and hid it from me. After this he started asking me about this guy I wished and every tiny detail and since he found my answers unsatisfying he called that friend of mine and enquired about what kind of friend he is. I was fine with this cuz I thought he is possessive. But little did I knew that this possessiveness would turn real bad someday. Since that day he started to doubt about me and my past. I had no relationship in past. I had a few guy friends whom I spoke to only on facebook and never met them or went out with them. He checked my facebook and conversations with every single guy, every single wall post and started to get more mad. He found my things as flirtatious and all this was quite long ago, say 4 years before we came into relationship. And he used to question me on every single thing. And also continued talking to his ex and also used to meet her. I had stopped talking to everybody cuz of him..I didn't even talk to my girlfriends who were my buddies from childhood. I had cut-off all my contacts and only kept answering him. He crossed all his limits by questioning on my character, virginity everything even when I didn't do anything..he did this for an year. He was literally torturing me for an year with these questions plus I came to know about his ex and his meetings with her. And he also abused me physically. Yes he beat me, thrashed me, broke my nose and all this led me to commit suicide. I was on ventilator at this hospital. I took a month to recover. I myself called to ask whether he was fine and he started to behave so well and completely different to me. He said I love you more often then. But after 3 months the same questionaire started and I went more mad with this. He also slept with his ex at that time and apologized and promised it won't happen again. Every time we fought he went to her. I was getting more depressed by this. Our second year of relationship passed like this. And he still continues asking me questions, abusing me, saying bad things to me and threatening that he would talk to girls. I seriously love him a lot and find difficult to tell him that I cannot continue this with him anymore. And whenever I say I don't want to with him. He says I know you've got a new guy and all ****** things about me. This hurts me a lot. I'm not happy. I want to be with him, but not like this. What should I do?  

[Nighthawk61]

It sounds like you're giving this boy power in your life, because you may not be "owning" your own. In other words, all of your focus and attention needs to be on high school, and a post secondary education (college / university). There you will meet other like-minded individuals who want to make something of their lives. Wait until you get to know someone well, before you even date them. Find out that they are good people, good partners, that they know ho to keep a job (even part time). have respect and are respected by their family and friends, have hobbies (guitar, exercise, yoga, poetry, writing, carpentry etc, etc. ) These are the qualities that you need to exhibit and look for in a partner.. You need to stop giving yourself away mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually before you are even developed into a fully effective adult. It's dangerous. Talk to your mother, if you can. Get help to stop this boy from his advancing in your life. Or just end it, and ignore any attempts he may make to control you, because that is all he's doing. He's NOT loving you. He couldn't even stand being in a normal relationship, that's why the movies and shopping etc, ended, and he started playing head games. I think you know this now. But  PLEASE take away from this, that
YOU NEED TO WORK ON BEING THE BEST YOU , THAT YOU CAN BE
stop yourself from hiding behind some morons shirt tails, and stand on your own two feet proudly, let them propel you into doing the thing that you should be doing at your age. SCHOOL< part time work : volunteer work" reading for knowledge and entertainment. THINK BIG. Reach for the STARS, and ALWAYS KEEP GOOD COMPANY.

[caregiver222]

This guy is a loser. Any man who strikes a woman is a disgrace by any standard by which one judges a man.  There a million guys out there who work hard and are ready to give unconditional love to someone like you. Get a court order of protection and go out looking for someone who will appreciate you.

[goldenlove]

Don't allow him to manipulate you! You need to get away from him and not see him anymore. The physical abuse is enough reason to leave him, he may not be hitting you now, but he has in the past and will in the future. He is also emotionally abusing you and controlling you. Please get away from him before it's too late!

[specialmom]

Not to give him ANY credit as he sounds like a total and complete loser/creep--  but I do think counseling would help you sort out why you would be wiling to be attracted to such an awful person as this guy.  That is something for you to explore because you need to get your dating pattern more in order.  Do you live with your parents?  How old are you?  You need to stay in school, become well educated and a self sufficient and independent woman.  

good luck

[lovely4321]

We both stay with our families. On the same street. He's out and yes I did talk to him about counselling. But he just ignored and said I (me) need that more than him. He thinks I'm hiding things from him, but I'm not. I don't think anything is going to help other than parting ways now. Its going to be difficult though but I'll be alive atleast!

[Awesome1234]

That's why I think you should go somewhere safe and call him and say something like if you want to make this work you will no hit me, control me or abuse me. Ask him to go to coucilling and stay somewhere else for awhile to you find yourself and become strong. If he loves you and wants to be in a relationship he can work on it. He has a lot of issues to work on.  I just don't think you should be in the same house as him in this point and time. But bring up issues at home may lead to you being hurt because he may feel he is loosing control of you.

I don't think your safe with him.
I know you may melt with him.. but his abusive to you physically and mentally and it's nothing you deserve. He's sounds very manipulative. He will be nice to you to get you back but once things settle it goes back to normal. You'd both need coucilling.

I really think there's a better guy out there that would treat you right. X

[lovely4321]

Thank you so much guys. Even my inner voice says leave him since he raised his hand on me for the very first time. At that time I was trying to be with him as I was new to this man and thought he would change and also I was worried cuz we had been quite intimate. But now I seriously have given up. But I don't understand why do I melt when he comes to me trying to get back together. I also know I don't deserve this. I need to be loved.
Thank you guys for reading my problem n trying to help me out! :)

[AnnieBrooke]

You say "What should I do?"  Seek mental-health counseling about why you say "I love him a lot" about someone who is so cruel that you would attempt suicide rather than be with him any more.

[RockRose]

I'll never understand this - women who are ignored,  leave.

But a man can't beat a woman off with a stick - she just won't leave.

Why won't you leave?  I understand that in early teens,  girls think it's cute if a boy acts a little jealous.  How old are you?

What would he have to do - outside of ignoring you - to get you to pack out?

[Awesome1234]

Also what do you love about him?

I think if you want to leave. Take a few of your things and leave before he gets home. I don't want you at risk. You sound smart. Remember you deserve the best x

[Awesome1234]

I don't think you deserve any of this. I have been I a very long relationship 10 years with many ups and downs. It has only got better once I decided to go and he started counselling. He needs to want to change.

To be honest there's people out there that like abusing, manipulating, controlling and crushing a persons sole. That way he has you insecure, scared and he can do as he pleases so you can't talk back. I think he is this way because of his own guilt l. He knows what his like so expects it from you. Or his trying to turn it around so your the bad guy.

I think you should go to a woman's shelter or to a friends house or families where you feel safe. And call him. Tell him straigh how you feel and be true to yourself. Only go back if he makes changes.
Talk to your friends and find yourself again.

If a person loves you they want the best for you. They want you to be happy and to shine. They love you for you. Your past isn't bad. And I was before him so it should be left there. I would never want to see my partner depressed to a point of killing themselves because of my actions.

You should like your great to him.  
I think you deserve the best and make the most of your life. Just remember you have a future and you may find someone who loves you more then anything. Find hobbies you love and do what you enjoy.

What he does to you isn't love.. And I know you love him and you sound like a beautiful woman.

[lovely4321]

Thank you for your advice.

[specialmom]

I will tell you that I can not help you stay with a man that has beat you, hit you, thrashed you about and controlled you and yelled at you and incessantly questioned you about something very simple like wishing happy birthday to an ex.  Truthfully, I'd not like that either if my husband did that ---  but it is fairly innocent and something you move on from.  HE won't.  Makes you wonder if he is not projecting his own guild for 'something' onto you.

But again, I can not give you any advice to salvage this relationship.  It is my belief that this man should be left immediately for hitting you whether it was in the past or not.  I would bet my life he'll do it again at some point.  And I can not be a party to helping you stay with a man such as that.  good luck

[Life360_Dave]

What type of help are you for? Some one to tell you all is ok and the beating will stop and just to hang in there? Have you no self respect? Who is he to lay his hands on you or torment you like this. Ask you self this question, What has he done to change the world lately? Nothing but take take take!.

[lovely4321]

Though he has stopped hitting me now..but his doubts about me..hasn't stopped yet! I tried ending this relationship..but then he tries to make up and behave so well..as if nothing has happened. He keeps me buzzed!

[Life360_Dave]

Dear, pack up and get as far away from this abusive degrading person asap. you need someone to love you not break your nose!