Boyfriend of 4 years cheated

I met a man 4 years ago and after talking for a while i discovered he lived at home with his girlfriend and 4 children. He played the victim, that she was a horrible woman and he only stayed there for his children. After 2 1/2 years she hit him with a restraining order and he had no place to go.He came to stay with me and my two children. Over that time I felt he was dishonest and questioned him all the time about why he was late and where he had been. He paid no bills he supported me in no way and eventually became violent a few times.
After 4 years I found out he's had another girl for the past 7 months.  He dropped his phone in my car and I was able to see the text messages from him to some girl saying "goodnight...Kisses" and some other stuff.  After brewing for about 5 hours I finally called the number and questioned her.  She told me she had been with him for 7 months and had an intimate relationship with him for all of that time.  I made him move his stuff out and he's been back every night since.His stuff is still not here (he says it's at a Hotel.) But I know I'll never trust him again and I don't know how to let go.....Please help!

[socgirl]

"he's even been violent a few times..."  - run as fast as you can away from this guy!

I understand you had long relationship with this guy and i can understand it's hard to let go of something that you're familiar with.  his previous relationship sounded just as bad and violent...note the restraining order she had out against him.  Get rid of him and do it fast.  If not for yourself, think of your kids...you don't want them exposed to this guy's behavior any longer than necessary.  you deserve better and so do your kids.

[PlateletGal]

Any relationship that begins with dishonesty.... ends with dishonesty.

[otot_mu_bahu]

this relationship does not make sense...

now, since you can't let go...then where would this relationship go any way?

[Trialanderror]

I know somebody just like that. And he turned into an evil stalker once all his girlfirends and wives and whatever else he had closed their doors. He seemed like the most charming and impressive guy to anyone but deep down nohing but disrespect, anger, violence and self-inflicted misery. Stay far far away from him, right away. There is nothing good coming out of this. Don`t provide a nest for someone who soils it.

[pertykitty]

run, he is only using women for money and support. i dont want to be mean but he cant possibly love any of the women he is abusing, and that is what it is. you deserve more, it will take time. love never treats you like this.

[marra]

concider why she had a restraining order ! he treated her the same as he is treating you now. you need to look how he treats you , do you really want that ?? its hard to let go but some times its for the best ! go find someone who gives you the love and respect you deserve x x

[Me2mommy2b]

Ouch, I'm so sorry you have to go through that.  I would say dump his *** and move on with your life.  you don't need someone who's not only not helping you, but is making you miserable.  I hope you'll find the strength to move on.  I dumped someone b/c they cheated and even though he made me feel like sh**, I still found it difficult to tell him "good bye".  But you need to remember that you need to take care of yourself first.  All the best to you

[anxiousmomtobe?]

This man has proved himself to be a seriel cheater.  He was living with someon else when you got involved and then low and behold, he started another relationship while living with you.

He will never change.

Is this what you and your kids deserve?  Of course not.  Stand on your own two feet.  You are a strong woman, you do not need a man, especially not this pathetic baby.
\
And when you miss him, what would you say to your daughter if she was involved with someone like him?  Say it to yourself, and move on.

[Amaris]

Are you kidding me???

Why are you even posting a question? You need to get rid of him, he's making a fool out of you & I'm sorry but no woman should put up with that. Especially the fact that he is staying with you & there is a child in the home! Violence in any shape or form physical, emotional, verbal or sexual is unexceptable. There are plenty of men out there who are willing to treat a woman with respect.
Keep in mind there is something called " A woman's worth" meaning woman are to be respected & a man needs to be worhty of a womans love (and vise versa of course) this guy is not worthy of having a loving relationship.

[hope2beslimquick]

How about I tell you how our situations are very similiar, and how I feel your pain, How about that? How about, instead of everyone who probably haven't been through what your going through, and is very quick to judge you. How about I not judge you, just explain my situation to you. My current boyfriend use to live with his ex with their 4 children. They had been getting together on and off for 11 years. When we first hooked up, it was just as friends, and later became something else. WE started living together 8 months after. Me and his 2 children, and my 2 children. The first 7 months living together , he was cheating ON ME with her, LOL I know KARMA's A B***!
Anyways, it has been 4 years, and he didn't infact cheat on me anymore (THAT I KNOW OF) but he has done other things. My point is this, no one can say what you should or shouldn't do, unless they have been in your shoes. I would NEVER tell you to leave this guy, that is not my decision to make, it is yours. I will say this, be strong, and value yourself. If your in love with this man, and you can forgive him, and would one day trust him enough to marry him, then fine, you both can get counseling and do the darn thing! But if your there, because you dont think you can do better, or you dont think you will ever trust him again, then babygirl, your waisting your time, and your blocking your blessings. Let that other girl have him, if she wants him, and you can find yourself someone else, that you DO trust, and you DO want to have children with, and you DO want to spend the rest of your life with. Dont waste your time honey, if you dont believe yourself that it is infact worth it. Good Luck!

[hardcoreback]

heres an advice... this world is full of many beautiful things except him.. he isnt that great and doesnt desserve your love.. having another woman simply shows he aint satisfied with u.. think of this if ull  accpet him again there could be a ossiblity that hell do it again, and again, and again... the decision is yours... stay and suffer more or stay away and live a new and much better life..

[nygemi2]

but how do I just find that place in my head to just cut the relationship off.  Now he's playing victim and saying he's sorry and trying to comfort me.  Yet his phone is still on lock and nothing has changed except he's a bit more attentive and says he's trying.  I still don't trust or believe anything he says and wish he would just leave me alone I just can't help picking up the phone when he calls or opening the door when he shows up.  Please tell me where to find the strength to just move on.

[slow_healer]

All I can tell you is that it's not an on/off switch - it's a process. Even in breakups that aren't so complicated (though I guess they all are, really) the letting go is such a time-enduring process.

Unfortunately, as cliche as this sounds, you have to find the strength in yourself. In one bad breakup I had, everytime there was an opportunity to talk to him I literally had to remind myself that he was a jerk, and think about the pain he was causing me. It's difficult because being intimate with somebody can be like a drug, and you undergo withdraw because you're not getting that attention. I made plans for other "fixes" that would help me get thru the "must-talk-to-him" phases. I had friends I could call, places I could go to distract myself (jogging, a movie, work, etc.). I found it worked best when I planned to do things when I KNEW the temptation would be greatest or that he would be calling. Evenings I found were really bad, so I took evening classes, had something to do every night of the week.

You may feel like you've been very wishy-washy up to this point (trying to tell him no, then giving in). One day you'll find that strength to say "no, this is enough. Don't call me anymore" and when he begs to know why, you don't owe him an explanation. If he hasn't respected your wishes so far, he probably won't until he sees that you are serious. And as lnog as you're giving in, he will see that you probably aren't serious. Build a new support network (family, friends) you can talk to when you need to talk, and cut him out. But try to draw that line. Good luck!