My boyfriend age 29 and I have been dating for almost 2 years. This is my longest relationship. From the beginning, my boyfriend had problems keeping an erection during intercourse. I have to give him oral sex and most of the time he will get into some stage of erection. I have to keep repeating this or just perform oral sex and forget about intercourse. It has been getting worse. I guess I'm not as good as I was before. I didn't quite mind before because I can't orgasm. Now, I have problems reaching orgasm during stimulating myself. I'm 43. My vagina doesn't get moist anymore. I sneak in gels. I never really orgasm during intercourse but during self-pleasuring. I think because my father tried to fool me into having sex with him and he touched my vagina (16 years-old). I guess I will never get over that and am just living with it.
I thought that going a month at a time without sex was okay since I just like stimulating him. Now, I'm feeling rejected. I have gained a lot of weight and thought that was the problem. Apparently, he likes big women and always trying to make me fat. Now, I'm on a liquid diet to see if he would want sex more if I return to the size I was when he met me. He tells me that my large buttocks sexually excites him. He claims that if I lose too much weight that he won't be as sexually attractive to me.
I didn't mind his looking at "big but porno" since I used to look at porno before I had a boyfriend. Now, I think it can be a problem. He told me that he ordered another DVD on oral sex and want me to look how she does it. He had slipped and said that he would like to have sex with this porno star. Later, he tried to cover it up. I didn't complain about the porno or his secret fantasy. I just listened. I really felt indifferent. I only had relationships in my 20's and the men didn't have this problem.
Once, he told me that he has tried so hard to be faithful and has been. Trying so hard? I didn't say anything, but I was thinking, "You have to try so hard?"
I'm wondering how can we get married with this situation? He says at times to others that I might be his future wife without making any steps like proposing, introducing me to his father, buying a ring, etc. I should just forget that. I comfort myself thinking that I don't want to pay palimony, that he doesn't have religious beliefs, he's a momma boy (he lives downstairs with her), he's too young for me, too poor for me, I have teens, etc. I would still want to do it will all these problems because I'm just a lonely woman. I think that I should continue to lose weight and find someone else in the future. I don't make friends easily and he and his mother are my only friends. He says there aren't any problems and it's just stress. He is healthy with no medications. He did have a head injury at 17.