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Boyfriend too soft/sentimental!! HELP!!
I love my boyfriend to death, and we have been together for about 2.5 years. He doesn't have a deep ripply voice, but he's definitely masculine. My issue is that when he talks about his feelings/our relationship his voice shifts and it gets really high and breathy...almost like you'd expect a woman to react! It's such a turn off! I've been open with him and explained to him that I like it more when he communicates with me in his "adult voice" and that I do get turned off with me when he's really whispery/breathy. I love him, but I absolutely can't stand a wishy-washy sounding man. I'm having trouble with articulating to him just what I mean...I want him to be more of a man with the way he communicates to me. I want to feel like a man is speaking to me, not little weinery boy! There are ways to speak normally and still convey to me honesty and sincerity. I'm just at a loss for words when it comes to explaining to him just exactly what it is I want for him. All I can think about telling him is "be more masculine" or "don't be so mushy!" I want to feel like I'm in the presence of a strong man! What are you thoughts??
Hi Curious,
Just wanted to let you know that I'm someone who has the exact same problem. My boyfriend (now fiance) does the same voice, it used to be particularly when he said 'I love you' or other affectionate things. It actually made me want to throw up, it made me feel like I was in a relationship with a woman. He doesn't have a deep voice, but he sounds pretty normal when talking to other people or when talking about non-emotional things. I've noticed now that he uses this voice with his mother too. We've known each other for ten years... about two years ago I just snapped and told him about it, I told him how much it repulsed me and made me feel sick, and how he absolutely has to stop it. He was pretty upset, and felt horrible, and felt a bit annoyed at me that I would ask him to change something that he sees as unchangeable. But I really couldn't stay with him unless he stopped it. So now, whenever he does it, I go all quiet and he knows right away how I feel - he still gets a bit hurt by it, but to be honest he does it way less than he used to. It still bothers me a bit, but now that he's making an effort to sound more manly, I can tolerate the few times he slips back into it. This too makes me feel like a terrible person, but really there is something about a man's voice that is really important I think. Anyway, just thought I would offer you some sympathy - I completely understand what you're going through! And I recommend you tell him just how serious of an issue this is. Maybe he will try and do something about it if he realizes!
Just wanted to let you know that I'm someone who has the exact same problem. My boyfriend (now fiance) does the same voice, it used to be particularly when he said 'I love you' or other affectionate things. It actually made me want to throw up, it made me feel like I was in a relationship with a woman. He doesn't have a deep voice, but he sounds pretty normal when talking to other people or when talking about non-emotional things. I've noticed now that he uses this voice with his mother too. We've known each other for ten years... about two years ago I just snapped and told him about it, I told him how much it repulsed me and made me feel sick, and how he absolutely has to stop it. He was pretty upset, and felt horrible, and felt a bit annoyed at me that I would ask him to change something that he sees as unchangeable. But I really couldn't stay with him unless he stopped it. So now, whenever he does it, I go all quiet and he knows right away how I feel - he still gets a bit hurt by it, but to be honest he does it way less than he used to. It still bothers me a bit, but now that he's making an effort to sound more manly, I can tolerate the few times he slips back into it. This too makes me feel like a terrible person, but really there is something about a man's voice that is really important I think. Anyway, just thought I would offer you some sympathy - I completely understand what you're going through! And I recommend you tell him just how serious of an issue this is. Maybe he will try and do something about it if he realizes!
Thanks RockRose/specialmom for the good advice. I'll work on myself and try accepting the quirk. Thanks for the well wishes.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Honestly, I don't get this. I don't know what your inference is or irritation is with him occasionally using a voice you don't like or being sentimental. It is a rather superficial thing in my opinion.
Why would it bother your family? Are they looking for someone to remove you from their home and they don't think he is man enough to do it? Honestly, it sounds really judgemental.
I guess I just honestly don't get this other than to say your boyfriend has a quirk that you don't like. When we enter into a relationship and expect them to change---------- it rarely works. So either stop looking at it as a fault and embrace him for who he is or move on. good luck
Why would it bother your family? Are they looking for someone to remove you from their home and they don't think he is man enough to do it? Honestly, it sounds really judgemental.
I guess I just honestly don't get this other than to say your boyfriend has a quirk that you don't like. When we enter into a relationship and expect them to change---------- it rarely works. So either stop looking at it as a fault and embrace him for who he is or move on. good luck
I don't call him a little boy, and I love the feelings that he's sharing with me...and I love his voice in general. There's just times when he's being really sentimental where he literally talks in a high, small whispery voice. This isn't an issue that affects our relationship everytime he opens his mouth, or even every time he tells me about his feelings. I love him very much, and want to spend my life with him...I just prefer when he tells me about his feelings in his regular, adult voice. It's more appealing for me, and I feel I'm doing the right thing by being open with him about it. I definitely don't want to let him go, and be with someone else....I just want to be a good communicator with him so that he knows my desires and wants, and I don't feel I'm asking him to do anything that he's not already doing. He tells me his feelings in his "adult voice" and I love it, and I tell him that I love it. I would just want him to do that more often. But how do I tell him that?
why are you worried about his voice thats not what makes a person who they are..Micheal Jackson didnt have a strong voice..but he had a bueatiful heavenly voice and look at the bueatiful person he was...stop being picky..maybe you would rather be alone...life is about being different if you dont like different move one till you feel comfortable and spear your thoughts about him and his voice..if he is not good enough for you he will definitly be better for someone else...
I was going to say that a lot of women would die for a man in touch with his feelings, but specialmom beat me to it.
Really, if the only thing bothering you is the one of his voice and everything else is wonderful.... you don't seem to have much of a problem really. If you can't handle this, and his tone of voice is the determining factor in the relationship, it's probably time to let him go and find the baritone or rhaspy smokers voice you are looking for.
Really, if the only thing bothering you is the one of his voice and everything else is wonderful.... you don't seem to have much of a problem really. If you can't handle this, and his tone of voice is the determining factor in the relationship, it's probably time to let him go and find the baritone or rhaspy smokers voice you are looking for.
COMMUNITY LEADER
We've had almost this exact same post before.
I personally think that asking someone to change their voice and demeanor when they are opening up to you about feelings is a bit cruel. It is what it is and I'd either accept it or move on. I mean------------ who can control their voice for crying out loud? Do you want him to become an actor just so you can feel like he is a tough guy?
So many men get slammed for not being in tune with their feelings or sensitive enough. If this is what you desire, there are a lot of guys like that to pick from.
This is my honest opinion. It comes from a married lady that has seen the ups and downs of life and this is one of those things that I think is wrong to try to make your boyfriend feel bad about. As I said, I think it is a bit cruel. It is okay for it to bug you but that is on you and not him. He is who he is and if you can not accept it-------- it is only fair to let him be with someone else who might appreciate his "softer" side.
good luck and I post this comment with the best intentions to help you. Peace.
I personally think that asking someone to change their voice and demeanor when they are opening up to you about feelings is a bit cruel. It is what it is and I'd either accept it or move on. I mean------------ who can control their voice for crying out loud? Do you want him to become an actor just so you can feel like he is a tough guy?
So many men get slammed for not being in tune with their feelings or sensitive enough. If this is what you desire, there are a lot of guys like that to pick from.
This is my honest opinion. It comes from a married lady that has seen the ups and downs of life and this is one of those things that I think is wrong to try to make your boyfriend feel bad about. As I said, I think it is a bit cruel. It is okay for it to bug you but that is on you and not him. He is who he is and if you can not accept it-------- it is only fair to let him be with someone else who might appreciate his "softer" side.
good luck and I post this comment with the best intentions to help you. Peace.
Instead of calling him a boy make him feel like a man. as he is talking to you in that high pitched voice sit down and listen to him clearly for at least one time and try to understand what blows his top to that high pitched voice. in the long run you will gain his complete trust and no high pitched girly voice. Making him feel more like a man instead of being mamas boy will help you out in the long run.. remember mama isn't there for him like you are anymore...hopefully this helps you out a little.
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I went back and read your post of March 6, where you said your very outspoken family doesn't like your boyfriend because he's wimpy and not masculine, and in that post you say he's wonderful and everything you could possibly want in a man.
Now, 20 days later, you no longer approve of his lack of masculinity.
You're 28 and you're still living with your parents.
I think this is worth your effort to think about - are you really pleased with him, and are just trying to appease your family who you are much too dependent on at this age? Or are you yourself irritated that he's not very masculine?
I think first step, cut the apron strings and get out on your own. Your perspective, and need to please your mother and brother, will change.