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1353681 tn?1387083733

Bringing up an ex

When a man you enjoy or like brings up an ex, whether a neutral fact, or negatively, or positively (in a way that he almost still longs for that companionship, but says he is showing how he cares for You more, in contrast/retrospect) .how do you respond; what do you think?
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3060903 tn?1398565123
I think it's normal for a person to talk about significant others in their lives, whether it's parents, exes, etc. It does allow you to see how they became the person they are. The fact is that they are with you, in the church of what's happening now.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I see the insight in your post.  Thanks for sharing that.  
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Avatar universal
My husband and I have talked about all of his relationships. It isn't always easy for me. But I know he loves me and he's with me! And besides... Idk who could put up with him as long as I have! :) I'm very insecure so it took me time to understand I'm more than what I saw myself. If I'm gonna look at myself as nothing (and everyone else as something) then yea hearing him bring up an ex is going to hurt me. So I have gotten to the point of accepting myself and us as a couple.
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13167 tn?1327194124
calmshell,  at 32 years old,  I would expect your partner would have significant exes.  It isn't like you're 16 and sick of hearing about a boyfriend's exgirlfriends.  

Use your best judgement.  If he is talking about a former lover that he hasn't gotten over,  that's a problem.  If he's just fleshing out his history,  that's his life story.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, it depends.  My now husband told me all about his ex on our like third date.  Basically, he was telling me how crazy she was.  Honestly, it didn't  bother me as it was a fascinating story that was hysterical to hear about (some over the top things this woman did!).  He wasn't saying it like he cared for her or didn't care for her.  he was just entertaining me with what had happened between them.  

So, if someone isn't always talking about an ex but mentions them or tells an occasional story, I had no problem with that.

My husband, though, always acted like I was his number one, better than any other woman, etc.  I never felt at all insecure because from our first date on, he acted like I was the greatest woman he'd ever dated.  (of course, now after many years of marriage . . .  I have to REMIND him of that . . . ha ha).  

I've never been one to want to hear ANYTHING about someone's past sex life.  I don't have those conversations.  

But if I'm secure with someone, I could have conversations about ex's here and there.  It's good to hear a bit about how your partner got to be who they are through past experience.  
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