Can't stand to have nipples played with...

[shellylynn99]

When I was a little girl I was sexually molested by my grandfather who would pinch and play with my nipples while I sat on his lap, so now as an adult, I can not stand to have them touched, let alone sucked on.  Needless to say, this causes a lot of friction between me and my fiancee, who loves breasts.  We have been together for 10 years, and it has always been an issue.  I guess he thinks I'll just get over it some day.  My question is, is there some way I can get over this?  When they are touched, my instinct is to swat away whatever it is that is touching them.  I have to dig my nails into my leg to distract myself in order to allow my fiancee to suck on my nipples.  I have explained this all to him, so he is aware of the reason; he just thinks I should get over it already and move on, but every time I feel anything touch my nipples I want to hit someone.  The only time it is even close to okay is when I am extremely aroused and/or horny.  

[shellylynn99]

Thank you for your replies. I've never seen a therapist over it.  I might consider that; thanks!

RockRose, I didn't know anything like desensitization even existed; I will look into that; thank you!

[RockRose]

Since you're motivated and are interested in changing,  check out desensitization therapy.  Through hypnosis or other means,  you learn to replace negative feelings with positive ones under circumstances like prior abuse.

You can start by calling your local mental health association and ask for a list of psychologists who specialize in desensitization.

Best wishes.

[specialmom]

I'm sorry for what happened to you and certainly something like that is going to leave scars.  I don't think you should have to endure something that you find physically and emotionally uncomfortable.  I think that your fiance needs to respect this completely and understand how you feel.  If he knew that when he did it you had the image in your mind of being molested by your grandfather-----------  he might reconsider this as a sexy act.  It isn't sexy at all in that context.  It is hurtful to expect you to endure it.  If he can not handle the whole package of you which has been through a lot and some remnants of that still exist, then he is being very insensitive and selfish.  Do you see a therapist or anything?  Sometimes having that third, unbiased party say "look dude,  YOU are the one who needs to get over it" helps.  Otherwise, you will just have to have another heart to heart with him and ask him to be sensitive to your feelings and boundaries.  good luck

[daydreamer101]

Hi there :)

This is totally understandable. I don't think you can "get over it" until you mind/soul is ready to ... and your fiancee should understand that. He must be a great guy for you two to be together for 10 years, but this is a traumatic experience you've been through. No one should ask you to  "get over it" until your READY. He should respect that. I don't know what else to tell you except: don't force yourself to do anything. it only makes matters worse!

hope this helps ...
- daydreamer