hey I have a weird situation, that I've been put through recently, I don't know what to do or if im thinking clearly, so any advice would be great... so me and my bf have been dating for a year n a half we have been rocky lately, been seeing too much of eachother and getting on eachothers nerves until we had a talk about us, and we both agreed we were going to keep positive and slow it down a bit (not seeing eachother everyday) so it been great so far he's back to being loving... until one day went on his phone and checked out his fb msg's (prob not a good idea) and find he's been msging FOUR girls, some of them just saying hi how are you what have you been up to, do you still do this n that, this is a lil odd bc I have sneaked on his fb b4 and it was just dudes he's talked to, and he's not the person to up and talk to girls, ONE of the msg's was worse than the others... it began like normal how are you, then he ask's her if he's single, and that the guys she finds will be lucky and says he's always thought that.. :( than she asks about his girl (me) he responds "she's not from around here, and its not that serious, its decent" im in TOTAL shock mode, so I confront him, he's surprised but not mad at all that I looked.. his explanation, and he says he's really embaressed and looks like he's about to have a panic attack and says he's msging girls to jerk off to... my jaw just drops! he said he likes the interaction and to get some attention and that it meant absolutely nothing, he doesn't even know that well, their highschool/public school friends.. he's bawling panicking and saying he's an idiot, it meant nothing,i love you..i don't know whether to buy it or not it seems really random to do that, like Im not angry of why he's msging the girl I guess.. its still not right.. and to say we're not serious, he cud just be role playing? like honestly he's a good guy and not the type to cheat, everyone says he's a good bf... but this has just ****** up everything, trust is not that good, I don't know what to to believe, shud I forgive him n put him in the dog house? *sigh* It's been three weeks, I chose to forgive him for now... he's trying in anyway to show that he loves me, cried many nights when I bring it up, but its awkward now, i keep thinking of the msg's.. he didn't cheat on me.. bah! i need any thoughts that you guys have on this, im just a mess :s thanks for reading n sorry its so detailed, we're both 24 also lol.. thanks xx
However, his excuse of 'he likes interaction' in order to masterbate is beyond a boundary that I'd tolerate no matter the level of dating. I'd say that is a major red flag for cheating down the road.
I also worry when we have the compulsion to check up on someone by 'sneaking' onto facebook, or the voicemail messages, or drawers or whatever we are snooping into. Yes, you found out valuable information here but it also eats away at a relationship when we have to do this often.
so, for me------------ I would consider leaving this relationship. I think if he is being truthful---- that he needs interaction to be aroused that this could lead to needing more down the road (as in actually hooking up with another woman) AND/OR if he just came up with the excuse on the fly as you surprised him ----- and this is the 'innocent' version, that he's already looking for someone to hook up with. so, I'd consider ending this. good luck