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Cheated on my BF and lost my soul :{
Hi tanks for reading I need help! I cheated on my bf almost 1 year ago and he found out through a post I wrote asking how to confess. that was last year 2012 and since then we been on and off (he’s the one who breaks up with me) at this point I don’t know what else to do! I cheated with a coworker it was not even worth it the act was not even 2min long... but to my bf is the worst I have done I understand . we have been dating for 8years (im 25 he 26) and the time that I cheated I was confused didn’t know what I wanted. I just wanted to act young and stupid and at the time I broke up with my bf to do the things that I did. I know stupid of me. now after everything is set and done he doesn’t want me, he says im not women enough for him that he doesn’t want to marry me because his not happy. he says that he hates me for hurting him, and I get it but its been almost a year and I have done nothing for him to not trust me. I have own my mistake and take it all in :{ humiliations, range, I also lost my best girl friend because she said something about me. I just feel like the worst person in the world that everybody hates me and that should be stone to death. I have cried to God for forgiveness. I know ill never go that low IN MY LIFE! I just need a second chance. What kills me is that he will never look at me the same my reputation is on the floor. Yesterday he kicked me out of his house calling me a liar :{ then he called me to come back so I did (it was like 12am) to talk and at the end it was the same thing he always asks for details about the ACT! and if I stay quiet he tells me to leave. like who wants to ask details about something im not proud of?
I can go on and on but I know deep down he still loves me. what can I do? help :{
I can go on and on but I know deep down he still loves me. what can I do? help :{
your mom got through to him for a day or so, maybe a therapist weekly might give you a couple days of grace a week, sound like it's over to me though...
hate to say it, buy so many have gone before you having to "let this one go".
You'll survive a break up, and thrive, if you keep the communication open with friends
hate to say it, buy so many have gone before you having to "let this one go".
You'll survive a break up, and thrive, if you keep the communication open with friends
Just wanted to give a small updated so this past Friday I went to go look for him (I know I should give time) but I couldn’t wait anymore. it went bad fighting etc... Before I went to his house I talk to my mom and told her everything, she didn’t judge me or got mad just sad and we were both crying.
back to his house, I told him I had confess to my mom and he said he wanted to talk to my mom. so we went to my house and he let everything out with tears and said EVERYTHING! I was just crying and my mom was listening then she told him that she understand him and was just giving him advise… then she said bottom line he either needed to forgive or move on. She said " if u think u can live without her then go ahead go on with ur life but if you decide to stay u need to stop with the questions and try to move forward from this together" he calm down.
Saturday we went out to eat had a nice weekend together both of us, thinking maybe now start moving forward. Boy I was wrong. Monday came (today) and the texts start all over again with the drama anger and back to square one. so frustrating! now his telling me the same thing he cant let it go and had enough of me??? wth? I have not done anything anymore :{ but he will never get over it. now I feel ashamed in front of my mom.
back to his house, I told him I had confess to my mom and he said he wanted to talk to my mom. so we went to my house and he let everything out with tears and said EVERYTHING! I was just crying and my mom was listening then she told him that she understand him and was just giving him advise… then she said bottom line he either needed to forgive or move on. She said " if u think u can live without her then go ahead go on with ur life but if you decide to stay u need to stop with the questions and try to move forward from this together" he calm down.
Saturday we went out to eat had a nice weekend together both of us, thinking maybe now start moving forward. Boy I was wrong. Monday came (today) and the texts start all over again with the drama anger and back to square one. so frustrating! now his telling me the same thing he cant let it go and had enough of me??? wth? I have not done anything anymore :{ but he will never get over it. now I feel ashamed in front of my mom.
If on the other hand, this is the love of your life, and you made a mistake, see if he'll be part of marriage counseling so that you can work out why you took a break, maybe there's something that you can both work on to make your relationship better
somewhere some how, he's got to get it, that your relationship is worth more than a 2 minute mistake
somewhere some how, he's got to get it, that your relationship is worth more than a 2 minute mistake
If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it
So you :took a break because you were confused about where the relationship was going, after 8 years of dating.......
I think the only mistake that you made was to go back and not forward
I think you may have put too much importance on the one night stand you had, and the fact that it was a negative experience may have influenced you into running back to a going nowhere relationship
Have you lived with your boyfriend in the 8 years, that's a long time with no real stability in sight , I sure would have got to wandering if it were me
The way that your boyfriend is dealing with your having a one night stand is incredibly juvenile
Many couples similarly separate prior to getting marred and moving forward in a relationship
I say that he knows that you were dissatisfied with some aspect of the relationship, and instead of you walking away from him, it's important for him to show you and maybe friends/family that it is he who is walking away
He's creating a lot of drama about nothing, and diverting the attention away from the real problems in your relatlionship
This is not someone who you can communicate with reasonably
I'd be happy to let him think that this is your fault,
BY NO MEANS IS THIS YOUR FAULT, you HAD REASON to take a break and date someone else after 7 or 8 years into your relationship.
Nothing has changed. The only think that may have changed though, is the fact that your boyfriend is unreasonable (by his bizarre questions), He has proven to you , on top of anything else, that he's a juvenile. Most adults are aware that a 2 minute quicky mistake session of sex means absolutely nothing..
Your boyfriend is simply trying to make you the bad guy for your relationship not working, but it wasn't working before you went out and had a meaningless 2 minute affair. Find the reasons why you cut out in the first place, and call this relationship quits.
Please don't feel guilty about the 2 min fling. It would be such a shame if such a beautiful honest soul like yourself, let something so insignificant influence your view of yourself, or have a shaming effect on you for life. You're young and you had reasons I'm sure to make you curious about other men. 8 years of dating is a long time to go without a grander commitment. Your boyfriend is juvenile, and that 's not a good thing to be tied to. I know it's hard, but you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the game. Expect a commitment from a man that will keep you grounded and not wanting to break up, to feel among the living.
Peace to you. You're in my prayers. Liz .
So you :took a break because you were confused about where the relationship was going, after 8 years of dating.......
I think the only mistake that you made was to go back and not forward
I think you may have put too much importance on the one night stand you had, and the fact that it was a negative experience may have influenced you into running back to a going nowhere relationship
Have you lived with your boyfriend in the 8 years, that's a long time with no real stability in sight , I sure would have got to wandering if it were me
The way that your boyfriend is dealing with your having a one night stand is incredibly juvenile
Many couples similarly separate prior to getting marred and moving forward in a relationship
I say that he knows that you were dissatisfied with some aspect of the relationship, and instead of you walking away from him, it's important for him to show you and maybe friends/family that it is he who is walking away
He's creating a lot of drama about nothing, and diverting the attention away from the real problems in your relatlionship
This is not someone who you can communicate with reasonably
I'd be happy to let him think that this is your fault,
BY NO MEANS IS THIS YOUR FAULT, you HAD REASON to take a break and date someone else after 7 or 8 years into your relationship.
Nothing has changed. The only think that may have changed though, is the fact that your boyfriend is unreasonable (by his bizarre questions), He has proven to you , on top of anything else, that he's a juvenile. Most adults are aware that a 2 minute quicky mistake session of sex means absolutely nothing..
Your boyfriend is simply trying to make you the bad guy for your relationship not working, but it wasn't working before you went out and had a meaningless 2 minute affair. Find the reasons why you cut out in the first place, and call this relationship quits.
Please don't feel guilty about the 2 min fling. It would be such a shame if such a beautiful honest soul like yourself, let something so insignificant influence your view of yourself, or have a shaming effect on you for life. You're young and you had reasons I'm sure to make you curious about other men. 8 years of dating is a long time to go without a grander commitment. Your boyfriend is juvenile, and that 's not a good thing to be tied to. I know it's hard, but you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the game. Expect a commitment from a man that will keep you grounded and not wanting to break up, to feel among the living.
Peace to you. You're in my prayers. Liz .
You really need to move on. I think he's behaving ridiculously. That doesn't mean I don't think you have ownership in this situation, but clearly he's obsessed with what happened and is being unreasonable.
If you had answered his insane questions asking for sexual details, he would have thrown that back on you, and used it against you. This is a lose-lose situation dear.
Learn from your mistakes and move forward.
If you had answered his insane questions asking for sexual details, he would have thrown that back on you, and used it against you. This is a lose-lose situation dear.
Learn from your mistakes and move forward.
He just texted me that its over to never look for him! that I had a chance to explain everything and come clean and I didn’t. that is too late for my regrets. That im not giving him what he asked for and he will try his best to get me out of his heart and life.
I don’t understand why would he ask all those questions. im emotionally drained. cant do this anymore.
I don’t understand why would he ask all those questions. im emotionally drained. cant do this anymore.
Dont tell him. His asking these questions to deepen his hurt. These powerful emotional feelings of hurt are new to him and he is being drawn in to the depth of emotional outburst.
I need help in one more thing! please help!
Ok so yesterday I went to his house again and he told me the only way he will consider anything is if I tell him the truth, and the truth he means DETAILS on the ACT.. here are the things he has asked me and I honestly don’t know how to respond. I feel like a wrong answer will be the end of it.
1. how u feel when he touch you, where
2. why you let him touch ur you
3. what position
4. why did u let it happened
5. was I in ur mind
and the list goes on in more DEEP, I honestly feel shaky when he starts interrogating me. I don’t know if all this is necessary or will it make a difference. how to answer to those difficult questions? im lost
Ok so yesterday I went to his house again and he told me the only way he will consider anything is if I tell him the truth, and the truth he means DETAILS on the ACT.. here are the things he has asked me and I honestly don’t know how to respond. I feel like a wrong answer will be the end of it.
1. how u feel when he touch you, where
2. why you let him touch ur you
3. what position
4. why did u let it happened
5. was I in ur mind
and the list goes on in more DEEP, I honestly feel shaky when he starts interrogating me. I don’t know if all this is necessary or will it make a difference. how to answer to those difficult questions? im lost
Well you just put yourself in his shoes and said you would not take the girl back. Dont feel bad as this was a learning experince and just put it behind you and move forward with your life. You will love again and you will be loved again.
I understand that’s unacceptable , I would be torture and mad and would not take the girl back. thinking it was with someone else. I know but I cant let him go I just cant.
puppylove, I think you need to see this for what it is.
You didn't give it your all. You actually your relationship away, maybe on purpose. Your actions - first, breaking up to have sex with a guy you never even really wanted all that much and then blabbing about it online in a forum where he could easily find your post caused irreparable rift in your relationship.
It's done though, and you can't take it back and you can't force him to forgive you. He doesn't want to forgive you - he wants to massage his anxiety and torture you to try to hurt you like you've hurt him.
If you were writing a personal ad, this isn't what you'd say: "I want a boyfriend who can't forgive and spends his time trying to hurt me and get even". But that's what you have now.
You'll love again if you let yourself. It's not going to happen in this relationship, and no amount of trying to force him to treat you with forgiveness is going to make that happen.
You didn't give it your all. You actually your relationship away, maybe on purpose. Your actions - first, breaking up to have sex with a guy you never even really wanted all that much and then blabbing about it online in a forum where he could easily find your post caused irreparable rift in your relationship.
It's done though, and you can't take it back and you can't force him to forgive you. He doesn't want to forgive you - he wants to massage his anxiety and torture you to try to hurt you like you've hurt him.
If you were writing a personal ad, this isn't what you'd say: "I want a boyfriend who can't forgive and spends his time trying to hurt me and get even". But that's what you have now.
You'll love again if you let yourself. It's not going to happen in this relationship, and no amount of trying to force him to treat you with forgiveness is going to make that happen.
I would like to ask you a really blunt question and try to be as honest as you can with out using the hope that he may return.
If you were him what would you do with the visions of a girl in your head having sex with him and enjoying his body day in and day out?
If you were him what would you do with the visions of a girl in your head having sex with him and enjoying his body day in and day out?
I feel like I will never love again that im not worth no ones trust! he has made sure I paid for what I did! my spirit is crushed... I cant believe I went this low and lost my dignity! I hate been the bad person in the story
I really do love him and miss him so much! his been my only BF since I was 17years old now 25 and I feel lost. my actions destroy my future. But maybe he didn’t love me for real, I think if he really wanted to be with me he would agree to work things out. its been almost a year and nothing has changed. al least I can say I gave it my all, I gave my self to him in EVERYWAY. let him treat me like trash and took it all for love. I have realized that even if im stone to death his feeling for me wont change. he will never take me back and that’s something I have to live with :{
I really do love him and miss him so much! his been my only BF since I was 17years old now 25 and I feel lost. my actions destroy my future. But maybe he didn’t love me for real, I think if he really wanted to be with me he would agree to work things out. its been almost a year and nothing has changed. al least I can say I gave it my all, I gave my self to him in EVERYWAY. let him treat me like trash and took it all for love. I have realized that even if im stone to death his feeling for me wont change. he will never take me back and that’s something I have to live with :{
Yes, he DOES still love you, and that's why he hates you. If he didn't love you, he wouldn't hate you so much.
Love and hate aren't opposites - love and indifference are opposite.
But the fact is, now his love is showing through hate and I doubt that will ever change. If you had kids together it would be worth working out, but at this point, you need to start over.
Start by forgiving yourself first. He won't ever forgive you, you have to forgive yourself and move on. And don't do that again - break up with someone you love to have sex with someone else. That's no more honest than cheating, in my opinion.
It's in fact, the same thing.
So now, it's time to forgive yourself and free yourself to love again - a wiser, more mature woman for the experience.
Forgiving yourself is hard, and it's a process. It's not quick.
"Forgiveness doesn't sit there like a pretty boy in a bar. Forgiveness is the fat man you have to haul uphill" - Cheryl Strayed, in Dear Sugar
Love and hate aren't opposites - love and indifference are opposite.
But the fact is, now his love is showing through hate and I doubt that will ever change. If you had kids together it would be worth working out, but at this point, you need to start over.
Start by forgiving yourself first. He won't ever forgive you, you have to forgive yourself and move on. And don't do that again - break up with someone you love to have sex with someone else. That's no more honest than cheating, in my opinion.
It's in fact, the same thing.
So now, it's time to forgive yourself and free yourself to love again - a wiser, more mature woman for the experience.
Forgiving yourself is hard, and it's a process. It's not quick.
"Forgiveness doesn't sit there like a pretty boy in a bar. Forgiveness is the fat man you have to haul uphill" - Cheryl Strayed, in Dear Sugar
Sorry to say this, but you are better off without him in the long run.
Someone who kicks you out and takes you back is really NOT the person for you....
Sounds like he WILL NEVER let you forget about something you admit was wrong...
My husband and I both asked for separations at different times in our marriage. The both times we agreed we wanted our marriage to move forward we BOTH agreed that we COULD NEVER bring up the past.
We are going on 25yrs and we have NEVER brought up either separation.
IMO this relationship will never work...We all make mistakes, God forgives, now move forward with your life.
God's 3 answers to things: 1.YES 2. NOT YET 3. I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER IN MIND.
Someone who kicks you out and takes you back is really NOT the person for you....
Sounds like he WILL NEVER let you forget about something you admit was wrong...
My husband and I both asked for separations at different times in our marriage. The both times we agreed we wanted our marriage to move forward we BOTH agreed that we COULD NEVER bring up the past.
We are going on 25yrs and we have NEVER brought up either separation.
IMO this relationship will never work...We all make mistakes, God forgives, now move forward with your life.
God's 3 answers to things: 1.YES 2. NOT YET 3. I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER IN MIND.
Well, then he's being 100% unreasonable IMO. Even if you DID break up with him solely to cheat, you DUD break up with him. He doesn't get to pretend it didn't happen or not acknowledge it.
Some people take this pretty bad and he is torn for sure. I think in some ways hes sees you to hurt you only. I dont believe he will ever get over this and maybe best just to let him go. Love can turn into hate in a heart beat. These are all emotions that we control.
I appreciate ur reply,
its true I broke up with him for 5months (but to him we were not broken up) he says it was just an excused to do what I did! he says horrible things to me like "u broke up with me because u wanted his D%$#Ck" and I just break down. I feel like I need to put up with it because I deserve it because I fail. im tired I cant go on, I just wished he would forgive me and see that I realize and learn from my mistake. that im honest and truthful. He cries and tells me he hates me :{
its true I broke up with him for 5months (but to him we were not broken up) he says it was just an excused to do what I did! he says horrible things to me like "u broke up with me because u wanted his D%$#Ck" and I just break down. I feel like I need to put up with it because I deserve it because I fail. im tired I cant go on, I just wished he would forgive me and see that I realize and learn from my mistake. that im honest and truthful. He cries and tells me he hates me :{
I just wanted to act young and stupid and at the time I broke up with my bf to do the things that I did
Well, if this is true, if you were broken up, then it's NOT cheating, and he needs to get over it.
If you weren't broken up, it's hard to say what to do. Some people just never get over infidelity, and your BF may be one of those people. It takes time to heal and takes time to move on. In a year, things may not be perfect, but I would expect to see some improvements, and that doesn't seem to be the case.
At some point you need to decide how much more of this you're willing to take. You can't change what happened, you can't keep apologizing, and you sound like you've done everything to reassure him. The ball is in his court. If he's going to hold this over your head to the extent he has been, you have some thinking to do. I wouldn't put up with that.
Good luck to you!!
Well, if this is true, if you were broken up, then it's NOT cheating, and he needs to get over it.
If you weren't broken up, it's hard to say what to do. Some people just never get over infidelity, and your BF may be one of those people. It takes time to heal and takes time to move on. In a year, things may not be perfect, but I would expect to see some improvements, and that doesn't seem to be the case.
At some point you need to decide how much more of this you're willing to take. You can't change what happened, you can't keep apologizing, and you sound like you've done everything to reassure him. The ball is in his court. If he's going to hold this over your head to the extent he has been, you have some thinking to do. I wouldn't put up with that.
Good luck to you!!
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