Cheating wife

[aidanmyson08]

Try to make this brief and fair... I have been an awful husband! Drinking a lot not giving a crap about my wife since she cheated on me 3 years ago( been together just over 3 years). A lot of anger and sadness. It was devastating to say the least and i guess i have NEVER got over it. I know i haven't! So any way she cheated on me again(8 months ago) and told me about it. i didn't get mad i blamed myself because i knew how bad Ive been. any way she said it was over and i felt in love again it was AWESOME! Well i had recently got an OWI so i had to serve a 30 day jail sentence(im retarded) so we talked on phone and she came and seen me it felt good to talk to her again. She had never looked so Beautiful and i told her this all the time.2 weeks in i felt "something" and asked she sed she was still cheating on me and he had been to our home and had held my son!! WAS beyond pissed! she cried we talked i forgave her again! so i get out and felt a distance between us. So we talked and she sed he was just a friend and i sed no hes not! and she couldn't choose between us and a "friendship" we were done so i thought she move out> month later i moved in! well once again i had a " feeling" and found out the last 3 days i was in she continued to cheat!! i forgave her! BUT was back to old me resentful and afraid to be open. she then tells me again she has been cheating on me with this guy for 3 weeks. OK SO...this guy talks to her parents! This guy is a lier! he ses hes been places that he hasn't! ses hes a race car driver NOT TRUE! WAS a cop and Shot somebody NOT TRUE and he almost got arrested for it because i call the police to see if it was true.... wife knew all this for a long time! so why is she choosing this coworker? She ses they never had sex should i trust that? should i allow our son at her parents if they continue to talk to him? At what point is NOT my fault anymore?  OH at one point she sed she told him she love him twice! i know all my thoughts are right but need some ADVICE? am i out of line on telling her she needs a new job?(just new men) SO MUCH MORE but this is long enough

[teko]

I think it says alot a bout the person who is doing the cheating. Once you can forgive and move on from. Twice now way. Maybe you were a bad husband but that does not give her the excuse to cheat. There are proper channels to take to resolve marital problems. I would definately get into therepy and see where your relationship stands and take it from there. Personally, I do not have what it takes to work thru trying to save a relationship with a cheater. To me if they cheat, they have spoken loud and clear to me just how much they value me. But with that said, I have the utmost respect for those who stay the course and come out on the other side better for it. Good luck.

[mami1323]

Why do you feel guilty?  There is no reason to stick around because your wife has proven to be untrustworthy.  She should have patience, you are doing your best, recovery from an affair is not easy.  Of course you didn't help because you were down right mean, granted it's understandable, but if you chose to stay then you should've at least try to have made it work.  However, if you weren't able to be good to her, she should've left you but instead of doing that, she repeated the same actions that caused you two to disconnect in the first place.  That is inexcusable.  It doesn't look like she is fully committed to you or wants to be fully committed to you.  You are the only one who can make any difference here.  Frankly, I think that she's got you by the you know whats.  She does whatever she wants, with no consequences because you are always right there when she decides she wants you back.  I would say to try some marriage counseling but in reality I don't feel like she is serious about your marriage or about changing her ways.  Until you realize that this situation isn't the best, the better off you will be.  I understand you love her, but love isn't enough.  She has to love you back.  I wouldn't believe anything she has to say when it comes to this man.  To think they hadn't slept together yet she brings your child around him (which by the way is despicable behavior for a parent to do unless she's been with him for a long period of time and is serious about their relationship), she continues to talk to him and still works with him and has told him that she loves him.  So I think that their relationship has gone further than she wants you to believe.  You wouldn't be out of line for anything you request from her.  She's the wrong one here.  I'm glad you have taken responsibility for how your attitude has contributed to the downfall of the relationship but she's the reason for your bad behavior.  You stay because you love her, she stays for whatever her reasons are, whether it's the child, whether it's out of guilt.  If she really loved you, she wouldn't continue to hurt you.  It's your decision and yours alone whether you want to stick this marriage out but I wouldn't continue along the course you are unless you get some marital help.

[Judy246]

When infidelity occurs in a relationship, it either means that although there is love, someone is not "in" love, also infidelity can occur when specific needs are just not being met. Infidelity/Adultery is unexceptable and there is no excuse for it. A person that is unfaithful in a marriage is dishonest, untrustworthy, selfish, self centered, opportunist and is high risk to repeat again if the opportunity arises. Also, the foundation of a relationship is communication and trust. Once trust has been broken, it will take a life time to forgive. Also, forgiveness is divine, a gift that not too many people have.

It's obvious that you are in love with her and she knows it. She has also broken her wedding vows making her an adulterous. Infidelity is very destructive, because it effects marriages, jobs, families, children and the consequences of adultery are long term. It's very difficult to trust, but there is hope if a couple seeks marriage counseling to get to the bottom of all the issues and problems that need to be addressed and are not being address effectively. What your wife has done is unexceptable and inexcusable and she knows you will forgive her, because she knows that you love her enought to forgive her. There is something going on within the marriage that she is not happy with and she has needs that are not being met and feels the need to stray outside of the marriage. You do have opions, you can suggest marriage counseling to save your marriage or it's time to re-evaluate the relationship that at this point is not functioning.

Good Luck, Judy

[aidanmyson08]

also do i stick around because i feel guilty? Why does she continue to be with me? our child? she feels guilty?