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Avatar universal

Co-worker/Friend "Sexual Tension" Relationship Gone Wrong

Hello,

I am a 29 yr old married woman. I work at a financial group and lately things have been very difficult at work.

One of my coworkers started to hit on me (he knows I am married) and there is no doubt I could feel the 'sexual chemistry' as he called it. I have to recognize there was some flirting of my part but nothing more. I can honestly say I have not even touched one of his fingernails and I wasn't intending to do it.

Two weeks ago some people from the office (including him and me) went out for bowling and to have a few drinks and he asked me to "join him in the bathroom" (which I obviously didn't do),then -the next day - he started to send me txt messages asking about a threesome with one of my friends who came with me that night, asking me out, telling me what he would do to me and other things like that. Since I thought he was still drunk I did not reply to any of those messages on Saturday but then on SUnday I was upset and when he sent me another one and told him to have some respect and that I wasn't a call girl or something like that for him to make that type of comments.

Then on Monday, he came and apologize not for what he said but only for the way he said it (he said: are you happy with yout husband? Does he know you want to F*ck other people? and similar questions. Which by the way I am and yes he does know I find other people attractive but wouldn't act on it). I said he didnt like drama and I was so upset my eyes got watery, but I ignored that apology and went on with my day.

At night he sent me more txt messages saying we should just be friends (which is the only thing we were) and other silly messages until I was upset and said :"Do you think you are so extremely irresistible that I would risk my 11yr relationship for you?" and other very direct things. He was very upset bc of my comments and said I had to understand he was the one who didnt want me, he was the one who didn't sleep with married women or women he worked with. That he only asked those questions to see how far I would go with him and to see if i was serious about my relationship. I told him to please never talk to me or txt me again EVER. On Wednesday I ran into him at work in the kitchen and asked me: "Are you gonna stay mad forever?" and I replied "I am sorry I dont know what you are talking about" and left.

He is now hitting on one of my coworkers who according to his own words "is ugly and looks like is bad in bed". Because he is cute she is thrilled he is hitting on her. The bad thing is that I find myself very upset I dont know if it is because I am not the object of his attention anymore or if it is because I know he is gonna hurt this girl who looks so vulnerable (I thought she has to find out on her own).

I dont know how to handle this situation anymore and don't know why I am upset. What do you think? What do I do?

thanks in advance for reading my question. I appreciate your answers and honesty.
4 Responses
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi.  I remember your post from before.  On the surface, this guy is completely nuts.  But I want you to make sure that you haven't done anything to encourage this kind of behavior.  The fact that you feel a little jealous that your coworker is receiving attention from him worries me a little.   I agree with the others that you must cut off any socializing with him.  I think you are going to have to convince yourself that he and his attention are not worth risking your marriage for.  Then you'll have to be strong.  I wish you luck and hey-------- go do something fun with your hubby!  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow, this results in a negative work environment, breaking company policies and sexual harrasment and otential problems in your marriage (and this friendly flirting has got to stop immediately on your part).

It's really important that you respect your marriage and not do anything in your relationship that you would not want your husband to do to you.

If he approaches you again, firmly tell him that if he continues speaking to you in an unprofessional, sexual harrassing manner, you will be forced to bring it to the attention of his manager and human resources. Tell him that he is causing a negative work environment and it is illegal. You job should be of professionalizm and mutual respect with coworkers and that's it. I'm surprised that your husband does not question this mans phone number on the cell bill, but I also have to say that your behavior has been unexceptable and inexcusable and it's time to fix it or start looking for another job.
Helpful - 0
303824 tn?1294871401
I am proud of you for standing your ground! I cannot stand men that come on THAT strong and think they are God's gift to women. IMO, I think the reason you are upset is because of what you said, that you are no longer the object of his affection. Does your husband still show you lots of attention? It's nice to know that we are attractive and that we "still got it" because after being with one person for so long, sometimes that part of the relationship dies down a lot and sometimes to nothing at all. You may be lacking attention in your marriage so to be noticed by someone else felt good...even if it was by a no good jerk! LOL!

As for telling your co-worker, I wouldn't do that, I'd just go straight to the boss! This guy needs to be stopped! The work place is NOT a bar, it's where you come to work, earn your pay and go home. I hope he gets a good punch in the gut one day...LOL!
Helpful - 0
684030 tn?1415612323
I say, cut the friendly chit-chat and stop socializing with him... and, if he continues to push it... remind him that his behavior/ remarks (especially, if it's occurring at work) constitutes sexual harassment which can be reported to management and/or your department of Human Resources.
Helpful - 0
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