I don't truly know how to explain this but I will do my best.
I have a boyfriend. We have been together for 18 months and I love him. We have been intimate. There has even been some talk of getting engaged. I am so happy with him.
Yet, if another guy seems interested in me, I'll flirt with him and lead him to believe I don't have a boyfriend. I never actually do anything but it will get to the point of me stringing along 3 different guys. I have also done this in past relationships where I have been completely happy.
I don't have attention or affection issues. I don't do it because it feels good to think guys want me. I just... don't know what causes it. Is there maybe some kind of disorder that can explain this behavior? Does anybody else struggle with this?
I am honestly happy in my relationship. I don't want to change anything. But then I will begin texting, messaging, or talking to other men and flirting with them. I've never been a very outgoing person so I'm not really a flirt. I just don't know how to stop what I'm doing. It hurts me knowing what I'm doing behind my boyfriend's back but I just can't stop. Please help.
In Your last paragraph You say You're flirting with other men but You're not really a flirt........
You say You don't have attention or affection issues BUT "it feels good to think guys want me".....
I disagree with both these statements. It IS attention seeking and it IS flirting!! You should seek therapy to understand why You do this as I would guess that Your BoyFriend would view this behavior as unfaithful as "emotional" affairs count too!!
There's no doubt You are trying to fulfill something within YourSelf. You need to find out what it is so You won't keep doing this behavior - it's not good for You, not good for Your BoyFriend and not good for the Guys You are stringing along.
Regardless or whether or not you want to admit it, you probably do do this because it feels good to get attentions from other guys. I personally don't know of any disorder that would cause you to do this but if you are truly incapable of stopping (as opposed to unwilling to stop... which is more likely to be the case) then you should speak to somebody professionally about this.
If you are honestly happy in your relationship then you NEED to stop this. How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing the same thing behind your back? Why not turn your attention back to your boyfriend and when you feel the urge to be flirty, send a flirty text out his way.
When another guy texts you, tell him your in a committed relationship or just don't answer the text. Sooner or later this will come out and your boyfriend and you are going to have problems.
You are truly happy in this relationship? Take 5 minutes, lean back in your chair and picture what your "happy relationship" will look like once he finds out about your actions. Picture how you will have hurt him and picture what your relationship will be like (if he chooses to stay with you) when you are trying to explain to him that it was just meant to be "innocent". Picture trying to rebuild 18 months of broken trust.
Is it worth it?
If you want to be with him, you need to stop. If you can't stop, you need to explain to him that you have some unresolved issues and need to get some counseling before you can continue this relationship.
You say you love your boyfriend but what your doing is not love. Your using your boyfriend for what ever reason and you have convinced yourself that you love him as i believe you want him and them. I dont think you need outside counciling, i think you need some inner reflection about your values. Youve convinced your boyfriend that your are one thing and you really are someone else. You cant have it all. I think this is the hurt you speak of, your hurt that you have to choose. I dont think you can stop this as you simply dont love your boyfriend. Go find the true love of your life and then you will stop this.
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