Confused? I feel like he's not in love with me anymore..

[tinydreams22]

I have been in a relationship with my significant other for three years now. There are a lot of  things I think he may have done during our relationship, but I cannot prove and he will not admit they happened.. But after 2 1/2 years, I looked at his phone records and saw he was talking to his ex every night after he got off the phone with me, sometimes for hours. Obviously I found out and he stopped talking to her, as far as I'm aware. I also caught him signing up for websites like Fling.com (twice) where you can find people and hook up with them.. He said he only did it for "us" because he knew I was interested in maybe having a threesome, but there was nothing on there even mentioning me.. meanwhile he had some 100 messages sent to girls on there. I've only made the mistake of kissing someone early on in our relationship and flirting with someone via text.

Now it seems like all he does is play XBOX and WOW, and he never wants to spend any time with me. We live together and he says I need to stop bugging him about doing things to have fun and that I'm obsessive about calling him, talking to him, and being with him, but just recently he told me he wanted to have a family with me, and god knows we've been talking about getting married since the first year we met.

It's like I'm sorry I WANT to spend time with you and be with you, and just hangout with you. It just seems like he may not really be in love with me.. or that I care about him more than he does me. I'm just so confused. We've broken up twice before (for like 2 week spans) and I always want him back and miss him terribly.. I want to be with him more than anything, but on the other hand, I feel like there are guys out there who would treat me better, and we can't really break up because in our apartment we still have like 10 mos. left on our lease..

I just don't know anymore..

[tinydreams22]

I posted that last night in the middle of a fight, really shouldn't have, but I was just venting, I guess. There's a lot more to it all than that and he's not as bad to me as I made it sound, and I apologize for posting that asking for advice when I wasn't thinking very clearly in the first place..

[tinydreams22]

Well, we are moved in together.. and I'm only 18.. so I'm not going to off and marry and have kids with someone so soon.. Lol? Like how far should this relationship go right now when we're both so young? Lol. We moved in together when I graduated high school. So, our relationship is making progress. Also, the threesome was MY idea.. and that's a sexual thing that I didn't really ask anyones opinion. People are into different things.. so, that's a whole other story..

Our relationship isn't perfect by any means, but what couple is? We're working on things slowly but surely. There's only so far you can go in a relationship at my age, and I'm not about to rush into all of these things. Moving in together was a big step that we were really excited to take, but like I said, I'm only 18..

[peaceinknowing]

My husband and I didn't move in until we'd been together for over three years. Almost four years, to be honest... I think every relationship's different. I see the red flags you're talking about as well -- but wouldn't go so far as saying that the relationship will go nowhere just because they're not going to move in together right this second.

I'm not sitting here saying that there aren't issues in the relationship that need to be resolved here. I'm saying that it isn't fair to say that the relationship will go nowhere since it has yet to do so at this very moment. I'm happily married. It worked for us.

[jo929]

If you have been in a relationship 3 years and it has went no farther it will not, it would appear that you are being used, and he wants his cake and has it too, alsd it appears that he does not really care plus anyone that wants a threesome in my books is really sick He is not rady to settle down. read your post and you can see all of the red flags  luck  jo

[tinydreams22]

Yeah, I'm working on it! Lol.

P.S. That's weird about them boys, lol. I wanna see a picture! Haha.

[peaceinknowing]

I have to tell you that your boyfriend has an identical twin, and I just so happen to be married to him. I just looked at your profile and I started to panic a little bit because I swear on everything HOLY -- your boyfriend and my husband look IDENTICAL! I showed my husband your all's picture when he got home, and he even freaked out. It isn't that they look similar, they look exactly the same. Weird. HAHA!

I used to date a guy that wouldn't respond to me when I tried to talk to him about how I felt and how he was making me feel at the time. You have to be strong and put your foot down with him. If he leaves you over the way you feel right now, then do you truly think the relationship is worth it to the both of you? You seem like a very sweet girl, but maybe there are things that are bothering him right now as well? I doubt it, but try and sit down with him and work this through. It's easier said than done, but if your relationship is going to last more than a week, it has to be done, you know?

[tinydreams22]

Oh! Lol and we're not TRYING to have a baby.. I just might be pregnant. Lol. Baby was NOT what we were aiming for! Lol.

[tinydreams22]

Thanks for the help. It's just so confusing because when we do spend that time together it's so fun and he makes me laugh more than anyone I know. I just don't know whether the good outweighs the bad sometimes.

[Judy246]

p.s. I looke at your profile and cute pictures and I think you should approach him and discuss how you have been feeling neglectged and want to spend quality time with him and see how he responds...Judy

[Judy246]

Ok, this is what I get from your post: A 3 yr. relationship is significant, because it lasted this long. It's dysfunctional, there are definately trust issues.

* B/f communicating w/ex (Red flag!)
* B/f Inappropriate websites (Red flag) then uses reverse pyschology that he
  did it for "us".. (What the hell is he thinking!) ...Red flag.
* Possible threesome: Ok, we are talking future jelousy, infidelity w/3 party, possible  
  STD's, lack of moral values, untrustworthy....I can go on and on. (Red flag).
* Trust issues and lack of respect for relationship (b/f sent 100 text to someone ...What
  the hell is this?....you admit infidelity also within the relationship, again not exclusive,
  disrespect each other and I can see why this relationship is dysfunctional.
* You live together, he feels nagged, which mean you might be too emotionally needy,
   and I can't imagine you both bringing a precious baby into this world when this
   relationship is not functioning.

Ok, I've read enought...it's obviously your not happy, because he is not satisfying your emotional needs and your are feeling neglected. He's obviously tired of the nagging and doesn't want to hear it. You both have disrespected the relationship with infidelity (yes, who knows what he has done and you have admitted to kissing someone)...anyway, I'm going to be real honest with you. You both need some time out to both think about what direction you both want to be in. I don't see this relationship working out, because the foundation of a relationship is trust and respect and this relationship does not have this. It has been brokent and when that happends it's hard to trust again and their will be jelousy issues all the time. You do have options, to talk to a  conselor, so you both can get to the real issues in the relationship and how best wo work them out.  

To be honest with you, I would have dumped him on the spot for his unexceptable behavior....but that's just me. Good luck

[tinydreams22]

Everytime I talk to him about it and spill my heart out to him he just has nothing to say.. He sits there.. and doesn't say a damn thing..