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Confused about what happened
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Confused about what happened

So I've been talking to this girl for about five days or so, but the feelings seemed to be there between us for a bit longer. We hung out occasionally and there seemed to be signs between us. I noticed my self feeling things for this person, so I decided to tell her. She came by and I told her how I felt and she said she had feelings as well. So, I said "Do you want to see where this goes?" She agreed.

So I made an effort to at least talk to her every day. We hung out a lot each day, but she went home to see her family for the weekend yet we continued to text each other. The day before she left for home she opened up a lot about her past. She claimed to have been hurt and expressed she had some serious body issues because she had put on weight. She seemed to be real emotional about these things. She also expressed that she had been hurt in the past, but to what I extent I do not know.  I told her I thought she was beautiful and that each time I saw her that she lit my world up. I told her that I hadn't had these feelings for quite some time, so I thought she was pretty special because of it. I kissed her on the check before she left and told her again that I thought she was beautiful. She blushed and smiled.

The following days were just texts. Most flirty and chit-chatty. Nothing special.

She returned on Sunday and spent the whole day with me. We laid in bed and watched television for a couple hours when both of us began to get tired. She was falling asleep a bit on my shoulder and told me to wake her when I was ready to sleep so she could leave. I told her I probably wouldn't. She said she was just going to get her stuff and stay with me. So, she came back with really skimpy shorts on and crawled into bed. She warned me that she is a cuddle bug. She did in fact cuddle up to me. I dismissed the skimpy shorts because she's often said "Guys only want one thing". I wasn't looking for that since it had only been about four days of us talking. I didn't want her to the wrong impression either, so I just laid there with her until we feel asleep. I woke up the next morning to go to work and kissed her on the mouth goodbye. She had said she was craving a particular food the night before, so I asked her if she wanted to do dinner that night. She agreed.

She came by that night and we had dinner. I made a heart out of m&m's and placed it next to her food since that's her favorite candy. She ate but was acting very nervous. I knew something was up, so I wasn't saying much. She did most of the talking. We did flirt a little. She sat with me on the couch with her head on my shoulder and neither of us said anything for a good while. She finally said she needed to go because she had work to do. She seemed withdrawn when she gave me a hug and clearly did not want to kiss me this time. She gave me a forced pop kiss. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was scared. I asked her why she was scared and she was vague for about 30 minuets. She finally told me she left that morning and said she felt like this was too fast and she didn't want to fall in love. She said she was confused and didn't what she wanted. She assured me she didn't want to stop talking, but said she didn't know what she wanted (which didn't make any sense). She said she would tell me what was going on and wouldn't leave me hanging. So, I told her I'd give her space. I haven't heard from her in a couple days now. When I see her she hides or looks at the ground or pretends to be on her phone. She's making it real awkward. One of her friends told me she did like me but that she had been trying to force feelings that just weren't there. I told her that sounds like bull crap to me. Her friend said I just needed to prepare to hear it.

I'm not really sure what happened here, but I really feel like maybe this girl was just looking for a hookup and I didn't give her that.  I find it hard to believer someone with body issues would crawl into bed with skimpy shorts when there are plenty of other items of cloths to wear. Surely if you thought your body to be repulsive you wouldn't want the person you liked thinking the same thing. So, maybe what she meant was that she thought I was wanting something more serious and she was just looking for a good time and that scared her. I really can't put my finger on it and I can't explain why she is being so avoidant now. I really feel like I should initiate conversation and just close it out, but I really don't know.

Any reasons or causes to this kind of behavior?
5 Comments Post a Comment
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome.  Ugh, sorry to hear this.  On the plus side----  this is very very new.  I do think you are far too emotionally invested in this for 5 days and that you two went from 'I like you' to a serious couple.  I just really encourage people to keep up doing things with friends (without the new dating person) and on their own before they are joined at the hip.  Dating should indeed be a process rather than going from 0 to 10 so fast.

I do appreciate, however, that you are saying you didn't make this sexual right away.  Good for you!

Okay, so back to this situation.  You've been given very good insight from her friend.  It sound like you don't want to believe that she may just not feel the way you do but wishes she did.

I've been in that situation before----  TWO times.  Perfectly nice guys who really made it clear they liked me and wanted a relationship with me . . .  I went with the flow initially but something wasn't there.  For one, I had come out of a break up right before that and I think that was part of it but there were other things.  Little tiny things that just floated around in my head "nice guy, having a decent time, but couldn't wind up with him because of X,Y and Z".  The other guy, I don't know.  There was just something missing as well.  Even though I liked him and we dated about a month----  to others (and him) it looked like it was perfect but I just couldn't get myself 'into' it enough to keep it going.  

So, I don't know if her friend is accurate or not.  But I didn't want you to think that this doesn't happen.  It really can.

Now, absolutely just give her space.  Maybe she just needs some time.  maybe she does just want to slow this down and isn't looking so much for an instant boyfriend.  (Sounds dumb, but many are attracted a bit to the 'chase' and you were pretty readily available).  

So, she's avoiding you for two reasons----  it's awkward and because you want an answer about what is happening and she doesn't want to give one right now.  

This happens for different reasons.  Someone actually likes someone else or just got out of another relationship.  Someone has some internal emotional issues that they've not addressed.  Someone was caught up in the moment, went with it, then thought better of it.  Someone saw something in the other that they knew deep down wasn't what they wanted.  Things were moving too fast and it felt unnatural to one of them and their warning bells inside went off to slow it down.  

all are possibilities.

Anyway, sorry you are hurting and I hope it does resolve so that you can be with her.  But you'll need to just back completely off now while she thinks.  and don't wait too long before you go on with your dating life and find someone else that is looking for a guy just like you.  She's out there.  good luck
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I would give Her time to "tell You what's going on" as She said She would do and that She "won't leave You hanging" as She also said She would do.
You told Her You would "give Her space" - so do that, but I see nothing wrong with You initiating a conversation after a few days.

I admire Your Attitude and Respectful manner.
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134578_tn?1404951303
I liked a guy once an awfully lot, but when we kissed the first time, there was surprisingly not much there.  We both noticed it, a good thing because then I didn't have to hurt his feelings by being the only one who felt that way.  But sometimes there is chemistry that doesn't survive the try.

My reaction also is that you're well off without a girlfriend who has body issues, "has been hurt," and doubts for sure she will be ready for a relationship.  Not to mention hopping into bed in shorts.  Added together, well, do you remember the advice guys give each other, "Never date anyone who is crazier than you"?  I would have run a million miles on the body-image issues alone, since you can NEVER convince a girl who is worried about how her body looks to forget that worry.  And if she ever opened up about the "has been hurt" stuff (I mean, who hasn't been hurt?  Why moan about it?) all that would do is sentence you to hearing long, boring stories about her relationship with someone else.  She sounds like she is living in a world of self-pity at the moment and like she doesn't know what she needs or wants from men.  Please take seriously that she is doing you a favor by removing herself from your life right now.

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1268057_tn?1399131913
Crawling into bed with skimpy shorts on after knowing each other a short time and then this "claim" of body issues.......I wouldn't count on this relationship going anywhere.  If I am crawling into bed with a guy in skimpy shorts there is NO way I am having "body issues."

She's correct............She is VERY confused.  To add.....she is bringing this garbage from her other relationship or relationships that she hasn't had closure with.  I would consider this as a "red flag" or warning.

See what she has to say, but keep in mind you are no therapist.  If she is that distraught and can't get over what has happened to her in the past she needs to be consulting professional help, not trying to establish relationships when it is apparent she is totally confused.  

Have to agree with AnnieBrooke......she's doing you a favor.

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1268057_tn?1399131913
Is this the same girl you posted about on the 23th of October?
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