Confused and Complicated Relationship help needed !!
From past 25 days, i have entered into a relationship.
Actually, i know the girl, from past 3 years. We were introduced thru a common school friend (very good friend of mine). Just 25 days back, she messaged me on fb, just casual hi hello..
Just in chats, i proposed her.
She said, ok, let me think, i said ok. She said, she is ready to take forward our relationship.
I said ok, actually, till that moment i just casually asked her & i was sure she would deny & will say, what a sence of humour. Just for fun I asked. But that chaged humour into serious conversation..
I said, before we enter any relationship, lets clear any doubts, so that its not any confusion.
she said ok. (We both are 24 years old and having 2 years of working experience now, studied different colleges, just connected thru social media)
I said, I was single till now, just for some reasons
1) I Had heartbreak, in earlier graduation, & it took over 2 years to overcome that pain
2) During post Graduation, I developed a serious mature thinking, 7 want to focus my career
3) I will enter long term relationship, means only for marriage
& some other reasons
I clarified her, that, during my 2 years of professional experience, My thinking has changed & I want to live in today.
I don't know, whether world will survive tomorrow or not. Also i speak truth...
Coming to the relationship, I said "I cannot marry u, & i will be in relationship till we mutually agree together"
she asked reasons, I clarified..
She said its ok..
25 days have been past, we guys are having telephonic conversation, text messages. even naughty talks, hot conversations..
This is my first relationship, I have no idea..what i am doing...
The confusion and question that is coming in mind is,
1) "What i am doing, is it rite or wrong ???? " I have discussed, this wid her & have clarified the doubt. But still some thing is in my mind.
2) She is a good girl, but still i cannot trust her completely, may be she was also same (We discussed this thing, & concluded, trust will build over a period of time)
3) Now we guys are ready to meet, and definitely we will have sex (whenever we will meet, however it will take 3-4 months)
Things are going so fast, that at times i am confused, whats happening, whether i m rite or wrong.
whether to go in with this relation or to stop all this at this moment.
I don't want to break any one's heart..
Hello. So, you've gotten into some online romancing with a woman is what it sounds like. I want you to know that this is really not the same as a 'real' relationship in which you spend time together. It's an okay start but no, you shouldn't be at the point of trying to be in a true relationship with her. Online is a way to meet but not a way to continue things. You won't see her for another 3 or 4 months?
I guess you can just have fun but with that, stop talking about the future whether this is going to last, not last, what will happen. If you are living in the moment, you need to live in the moment and just have fun. But be clear to her that this is what you are doing. That you say off the bat that you will not marry her---- why do you say that? You don't even really know her? Is there some reason that makes it clear to you that you will not develop love (real love) for her?
In my country, people do engage in casual sex. it is up to you if you can handle this emotionally or not. I would be careful with her feelings on this though if it is not traditional in your culture to engage in such activity. Don't use her!! but if you both mutually enjoy each other and aren't promising anything or ruling anything out for the future--- then there really is no harm.
Just my opinion anyway.
But try not to overthink it all. Hopefully it will work out and you will have a real romance verses just an online one. good luck
I think joking on the first contact about a proposal was kind of a goofy thing to do, it does not make you look like the mature adult you seek to portray yourself as being and sets up the rest of the relationship for backpedaling and strange conversations. Until you meet. Then, begin the way you would begin with any relationship that you have in person. Online is very titilating and fun, but it removes at least half of the real person -- you can think before you post and only show the most alluring or charming sides of your personality. I guess you know this about her, since you are worried about completely trusting her, but own this fact for you, too. You are not showing her the side of you where you get grumpy or throw your dirty clothes on the floor or don't bother to take a shower for a few days. Point is, you are editing who you are, and she might be doing so too. When you do meet in person again, try to get back to the way it was when you used to know each other, and start from there. Certainly, don't rush into bed. All that will do is make things even more complicated (either to get real or to get out of.) What if the two of you decide that all of your chemistry was online? What if you don't feel a zing when you kiss? You are making plans to go to bed with no idea of how you will really feel when you see each other. So stay open.
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