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Confused and Frustratd
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Confused and Frustratd

ok so my situation goes like this.. ive been with my fiance for nearly 4yearz and we have a 2year old boy together.. the relationshp startd out great and sex was great.. but after i had our boy its been different and i kept thinking it could be the way my body has changd . he would rather masturbate in bed next to me than make love to me.. i would cry myslf to sleep at times and he keepz coming up with excuses and keepz saying he loves.. the last time we had sex was 3weekz ago and we wer supose to try for another baby but nothing has happend.. i am frustratd and angry at him.. has any one been in this situation??
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome.  I'm sure sorry you are having this issue!  I do think it is common to have some intimacy issues when we have little ones and toddlers.  Usually it is the woman who is not in the mood after that as often but it can go the other way too.  

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it is how your body changed, after all.  It changed in the process of giving him a child which is a beautiful thing.  

Issues with sex can often be a sign of other things going on.  Any other issues?  Do you feel close other than this lack of sex?  Is he afraid perhaps of a second child at this point?  Some men kind of say they want a baby or a second baby but drag their feet a bit when it comes right down to it because something in them wants a bit more time before doing that.  And if you aren't sure you want that second child just yet, you make excuses to not have sex.  

So, I'm just wondering if anything else could be going on.

I think every couple I've ever met could improve things in their marriage and communication is a really common one that most need to work on.  Have you told him that you are feeling unsexy and hurt that he isn't interested?  Don't say anything after that but LISTEN intently to what he has to say.  even if it is painful.  Encourage him that you are safe to talk to (as some don't really open up for fear of their partner's reaction).  

Is counseling an option?  
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13167_tn?1327197724
At this point,  it's time to decide not to try to get pregnant again.  I don't know what's causing him to be distant,  but maybe it's simply that he doesn't want you to be pregnant again.

You've been together 4 years,  you have a child,  it's time for him to either commit or not.  And by his refusing to have sex,  it seems to me he just doesn't want another child - and more commitment.  

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Avatar_f_tn
i do things to him while he masturbates and he talks about doing threesome with a very close friend of mine.. is that even normal for a couple to be doing?? he is a hard working man and is always tired when he comes back so i understand that.. ive told him about my feelings but some how i feel guilty after telling hima coz he getz upset and doesnt really talk to me.. about the baby, um he wants another baby but I think hes afraid about me going through another miscarriage i had in feb.. i love my fiance and i might just take it slow with the baby making coz i think im kinda pressuring him into it

thanks for the reply
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Avatar_f_tn
I would suggest no more Babies until this situation is resolved.  Is He open to counseling?
and
I can almost promise if a 3rd Person is introduced into Your bed Your 'problems' will N O T be solved (resolved) but instead, will be amplified!
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Avatar_f_tn

I agree with TTinKKerBBell's comments. Until you talk to your fiancée
and have an open and honest discussion with him about this problem,
I wouldn't try having another child with him. When you talk to him,
try not to accuse him of anything or in a blaming tone. As far as your
fiancée wanting a threesome with a very close friend of yours, sorry,
not normal in my opinion. To be honest, when I was engaged, if my
fiancée had suggested anything like this, that would have been the
end of that relationship. We're about to celebrate seven years of being
married. Anyway, I wish you luck. These conversations aren't always
easy to have but sometimes they're necessary to " clear the air".
Open and honest communication is very important in a relationship.
I wish you well. Eve
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