Confused and need some HELP

I can't uphold a job for the life of me! And it's ruining my relationship.
Me and my partner have been seriously committed for two years now. And we're talking about marriage.
But no matter where I work or what I'm doing, I always get fired or quit! I just can't stand it!
I can't keep a job and he refuses to understand that!
He told me that I can't move in with him until I've had a job for awhile, and that he won't propose unless I have a job.
So I told him that WHEN...I get a job, I'm getting my OWN apartment without him!
And that if he waits until I have a job to propose to me, I'll say no.
If I'm not good enough for him without a job, then he doesn't deserve me WITH one!

Thoughts?

[sara......]

Just wondering, how come you always get fired or quit jobs?

[AHP84]

I've got to say, I'm with your boyfriend on this one. Like Teko mentioned, sounds like he's thinking with his head and not his heart, and there's no reason you should be offended at him for that.
Holding down a job shows a level of maturity and responsibility that are not only important to maintain your own lifestyle, but also an implication of how you will manage a partnership with a spouse and raising a family. If you get a job and then get fired, it means your employer isn't happy with your performance. If you get a job and decide you don't like it, the impression is that you're a quitter and uncommitted to anything that requires responsibility. You have said yourself in your original post that you can't uphold or keep a job "for the life of you" and "he refuses to understand that."
What's to "understand?" It's one thing to get fired from one job, maybe two. It's one thing to be unhappy with a job and quit one or two. But you've said yourself you can't keep or uphold a job, so clearly this is an ongoing thing. And really, there's no excuse for being unable to get a job and keep it. You apply, get hired, show up on time, do the job, get paid, go home. If you don't like it, grit your teeth and bear it while searching for a new job in the meantime, *without* quitting your current job or doing something to get you fired until you've got a new job lined up and guaranteed. It's not a hard thing to do if you're mature and responsible enough to handle that.
Look at this from your boyfriend's perspective. He's been seriously committed to you for two years, and in two years you haven't been able to keep a job. He wants to marry you, but at the same time, he's hesitant because he's thinking, "She can't keep a job because she either gets fired or quits. What's a marriage going to be like? Is she going to do something to me or our future family that's going to make me want to leave? Or is she going to decide things are just too tough--finances, committment to me, committment to a family, heck, even getting the kids to school on time? Is she going to 'quit' our marriage if she thinks it's too hard? Am I going to have to take care of EVERYTHING because I can't depend on her to pull her own weight of responsibility?"

It's not really, as you say, that you're "not good enough for him without a job," but rather that you've never shown yourself mature or committed enough to maintain a real-life responsibility, with or without a significant other. Nothing is more of a turn-off than a person who is able to take care of themselves but doesn't and instead depends on others to get them by.
So if you can get a job, and get an apartment, and hold the job long enough to maintain ON YOUR OWN the apartment, and transportation, and food, and utilities, and clothing, that's great. But can you? It's harder than it sounds--I know. I'm a single mom, supporting myself, my son, a mortgage, food, utilities, transportation, home maintenance, car maintenance, telephone bills, medical bills, student loan bills, auto insurance, pet and veterinary costs, and the list goes on and on. I can't run away from that.
And sometimes I don't like my job, but I can't quit. It's the only thing making this possible, getting me by from paycheck to paycheck. I know if I expected someone to support me financially 100% and "understand" that I couldn't uphold or keep a job, they'd probably harbor a bit of resentment towards me too.
So that's probably how he's looking at it.
Get a job, support yourself on your own, and then think about marriage. When you can commit to your own responsibilites, then you can think about marriage.

[mayflowers]

Why can't you hold a job?  What's your problem?  Maybe your boyfriend sees that you have issues and that's why he doesn't want you to move in.  You'll be a burden to him and as someone on here said, he's thinking with his head about his neck (unlike some men) and not his heart.  

I've been fired from 2 jobs b/c of my attitude.  When I think about it, they were right to fire me.  I hated the job and the people so in truth, I wasn't being the best employee I could be.  They did me a favor.

The jobs that I stay at are the ones where I enjoy the people and the benefits.  The people are more important than the job.  Sometimes you have to stick it out at a job b/c of the money and benefits until you find a better position.  It looks better on a resume than if you jump from one job to another every few months.

Hope you find something you like to do soon. You're only 19 so you have time.  That also goes for finding someone to marry.  Don't rush yourself.

[vmvnpv]

100% agree with your boyfriend here.  What kind of life will you have if you can't hold a job and he has to pay all the bills?  It's not fair to him.  I think it's great that he wants to wait to propose until you get a job.  He's showing maturity and responsibility, something you're not.  He doesn't want to start a new life being in debt.  Who can blame him?

It's almost impossible to not be able to hold onto a job AT ALL if you're capable of working.  There's something more going on here.  The only time one can't hold a job is because they a.) drink b.) do drugs c.) are just plain lazy or d.) have a disability of some kind.  If you're unhappy with doing certain jobs (i.e. McDonald's, waitressing, etc.) go back to school to find something you will love to do when you get out.  Until then, you need to get a job (no matter how much you hate it for the time being) to help make ends meet.  We all have been there.  Working a job we absolutely hate and getting **** from co-workers and employers.  But we bone up and do what we have to do to support ourselves and survive in this world.  I see you're only 19 so I'm going to blame this one on being young.

[girliegrl1723]

i'm with your boyfriend on this one also. think about it - would YOU be so quick and happy to take him in and marry him if you were the one working he was the one stuck in the revolving door? probably not. my husband tells me that one of the major things that that attracted him to me was the fact that i was independant and strong and taking care of myself without help from anyone at such a young age. some guys want that "girl" they can keep at home and "take care of", other guys want a woman to be their partner. i agree 100% that times have changed and in more often than not, relationships are 50/50. i don't blame your bf for not taking the plunge when you can't pay your half. btw- you didnt say he said he was leaving you if you didnt hold a job, he just wasn't going to move forward. i can't say i blame him. hopefully you'll be able to find a job you enjoy and are good at and stick with it so that your relationship can progress.

[mami1323]

Can't say anything different from what everyone else has said.  You need to pull your own weight.  Your boyfriend just wants you to be responsible.  Why should he get stuck with all the bills.  It seems that he sees your immaturity and wants you to grow up a little bit.  I'll say, it will feel really good for you as well when you have your own money to spend.  Good luck and hope you find a job.

[jo929]

i dont understand why you cant hold a job who feeds you who buys your clothes it sounds like you need to grow up a bit and help yourself a little we all do things we dont like but we know we have to eat ,pay bill, ect phone bill,how do you pay these things you really are immature what if he married you and you had a child and you just got tired of taking care of it . i would venture to say you like to have your own way a bit and if you can afford to live without a job thta is fine try to grow up and take care of yourself , and prove you are grown. we all have to learn we cant have our way all of the time..maybe you have an attitude problem,maybe when you  prove yourself worthy you will think more of yourself and your boyfreind because he is right you know   lots of luck  jo