Aa
Confused!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and recently had a baby in May. Before I got pregnant, we were very sexually active. I felt like I couldn't keep my hands off him. About 3 months pregnant, it was like a switch flipped and I could barely stand him touching me. My sexual drive was… non existant. After our child's birth, we waited 8 weeks to have sex and I found myself still not wanting to even kiss the father of my child! Now, a couple more months have passed and the only the we kiss is when one of us leaves for work. I find myself wondering if I'm even in love with him anymore or if it's still my hormones going haywire. I don't know if I should stay with him or if I should tough it out and wait to see what happens?! Please help!
Oh, he doesn't sound very supportive. He sounds young and you too.
Have you made a physician's appointment yet? I would recommend doing that ASAP.
You need to find out what is going on with your body.
Have you made a physician's appointment yet? I would recommend doing that ASAP.
You need to find out what is going on with your body.
Thank you, I appreciate the feedback!
I've made a point to him that this is serious issue but he is childish about it and gets angry thinking I'm making excuses. It's also the Way he brings it up. He says things like, "Baby, let's go do it." Or "Let's get frisky." Who would wantX to after those comments? I've told him not when it's brought up like that and that's such a turnoff when he says those things. He says he's just playing but expects me to just get tired or him asking and give in. We're starting to argue more and he's starting to drink and smoke more after he promised he was going to cut down. He says he does it because he's stressed out. I have tried explaining to him that when I was pregnant, I was always stressed and counted slowly to 10 or did something(usually clean) to distract myself, but he says that is his way of distracting himself. We both come from broken families and definitely don't want that for our daughter, but it seems like he's trying to push me away because I don't want to have sex.
I've made a point to him that this is serious issue but he is childish about it and gets angry thinking I'm making excuses. It's also the Way he brings it up. He says things like, "Baby, let's go do it." Or "Let's get frisky." Who would wantX to after those comments? I've told him not when it's brought up like that and that's such a turnoff when he says those things. He says he's just playing but expects me to just get tired or him asking and give in. We're starting to argue more and he's starting to drink and smoke more after he promised he was going to cut down. He says he does it because he's stressed out. I have tried explaining to him that when I was pregnant, I was always stressed and counted slowly to 10 or did something(usually clean) to distract myself, but he says that is his way of distracting himself. We both come from broken families and definitely don't want that for our daughter, but it seems like he's trying to push me away because I don't want to have sex.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh honey, that was so me!! Hormones and having a kid stuck to my boob 24/7 just didn't make me want my husband to come near me. (not to be too graphic). I was TIRED! I also had a second kid right after the first so when the first was a baby, I was pregnant again (got pregnant when he was 7 months) and then when baby number 2 was born, I had a one year old and a newborn . . . that didn't sleep well. While I wanted to feel like I wanted to be intimate with my husband . . . I really just wanted him to hold one of the kids for me or do the dishes or something. Sad but true.
Then . . . hormones cleared. Kids started sleeping. I felt like I was getting back in shape. Started noticing my husband again in that way. And everything got back on track. Yeah. My kids are now 7 and 6. We made it through.
So here is my advice------ I think you do your best to remain intimate. Schedules aren't sexy----- but when we aren't really in the mood, it is the best way to keep at something our partner would like. On your terms, still remain intimate with your hubby whether you are completely in the mood or not on some kind of regular basis. Even if it is once a week. Do this to stay connected.
I say this because what does happen at times is that during the kids early years, they require so much of us. And we focus on them to the point of losing sight of our partner. And then when we are able to come back to being a great couple again, we've lost that connection with them. Don't let that happen and try to keep the connection.
One other thing to think about, loss of libido is a sign of depression. Make sure you are not suffering any postpartum depression that is playing a role in this. That is something to talk to your doctor about if you think it is.
But don't think just because you aren't 'feeling' it right now that you never will again. I am proof positive that "IT" comes back. good luck
Then . . . hormones cleared. Kids started sleeping. I felt like I was getting back in shape. Started noticing my husband again in that way. And everything got back on track. Yeah. My kids are now 7 and 6. We made it through.
So here is my advice------ I think you do your best to remain intimate. Schedules aren't sexy----- but when we aren't really in the mood, it is the best way to keep at something our partner would like. On your terms, still remain intimate with your hubby whether you are completely in the mood or not on some kind of regular basis. Even if it is once a week. Do this to stay connected.
I say this because what does happen at times is that during the kids early years, they require so much of us. And we focus on them to the point of losing sight of our partner. And then when we are able to come back to being a great couple again, we've lost that connection with them. Don't let that happen and try to keep the connection.
One other thing to think about, loss of libido is a sign of depression. Make sure you are not suffering any postpartum depression that is playing a role in this. That is something to talk to your doctor about if you think it is.
But don't think just because you aren't 'feeling' it right now that you never will again. I am proof positive that "IT" comes back. good luck
I agree with Londres.
My husband and I are expecting our 3rd child in April, and all of our children are very close together (my oldest just turned 3) so it's been one heck of a roller coaster ride as far as our sex life. We make a point to stay active and connected intimately, but there are times when I not only am NOT interested in sex, the thought disgusts me. BUT I always let my husband know when I'm not in the mood and he puts some effort into making me feel "interested"...rubbing my feet and back, giving me time to relax, and if I'm REALLY not into it, we'll just drop it and try it again another day.
I found after I was pregnant with my first one that there was a time when I didn't want my husband anywhere near me. every time he asked for sex I got angry, frustrated, and bitter. It was mostly exhaustion. I was SO tired and SO hormonal from having my first baby that I couldn't deal with the fact that my husband wanted to have sex with the part of my body that had just done the impossible, not to mention having a very rough delivery. It took months and a lot of communication for us to work through it.
So I think it's probably hormones and exhaustion for you. Unfortunately, it's not exactly an easy fix. Are you on birth control? if you aren't, this may help regulate your hormones. But honestly to me exhaustion is the biggest factor...you're in mommy mode in your head most of the time, too, so it's hard to switch into sexual mode and sometimes if our husband's aren't aware of how hard of a transition this is for us (they can go from daddy mode to husband mode in .2 seconds flat!) they aren't sensitive to the need to "de-compress" and switch modes before sex, so we can become bitter that they expect this miraculous transformation instantly when we're just not capable of flipping some switch.
SO...you guys need to talk about this. he needs to recognize that it's a REAL issue..he needs to be sensitive and patient. and YOU need to decide if you're willing to work on this. That means working out days where your husband gives you extra rest so you have the energy to have sex - sounds silly, I know. this means HIM being thoughtful and giving you a chance to relax and change modes before sex. this also means BOTH OF YOU communicating about how you're really feeling and not repressing your true emotions to avoid a fight. Don't fight about it...but DO be honest.
And...get to your OB. ASAP. they'll have some helpful suggestions and maybe some hormone therapy or a different birth control will help your hormones and you may find that once you tweak those you have more energy and drive automatically.
best of luck..it's something almost all couples struggle with, so don't feel alone. and just to let you know..it's probably not your attraction for him waning. it may be, but don't give up on him yet!
My husband and I are expecting our 3rd child in April, and all of our children are very close together (my oldest just turned 3) so it's been one heck of a roller coaster ride as far as our sex life. We make a point to stay active and connected intimately, but there are times when I not only am NOT interested in sex, the thought disgusts me. BUT I always let my husband know when I'm not in the mood and he puts some effort into making me feel "interested"...rubbing my feet and back, giving me time to relax, and if I'm REALLY not into it, we'll just drop it and try it again another day.
I found after I was pregnant with my first one that there was a time when I didn't want my husband anywhere near me. every time he asked for sex I got angry, frustrated, and bitter. It was mostly exhaustion. I was SO tired and SO hormonal from having my first baby that I couldn't deal with the fact that my husband wanted to have sex with the part of my body that had just done the impossible, not to mention having a very rough delivery. It took months and a lot of communication for us to work through it.
So I think it's probably hormones and exhaustion for you. Unfortunately, it's not exactly an easy fix. Are you on birth control? if you aren't, this may help regulate your hormones. But honestly to me exhaustion is the biggest factor...you're in mommy mode in your head most of the time, too, so it's hard to switch into sexual mode and sometimes if our husband's aren't aware of how hard of a transition this is for us (they can go from daddy mode to husband mode in .2 seconds flat!) they aren't sensitive to the need to "de-compress" and switch modes before sex, so we can become bitter that they expect this miraculous transformation instantly when we're just not capable of flipping some switch.
SO...you guys need to talk about this. he needs to recognize that it's a REAL issue..he needs to be sensitive and patient. and YOU need to decide if you're willing to work on this. That means working out days where your husband gives you extra rest so you have the energy to have sex - sounds silly, I know. this means HIM being thoughtful and giving you a chance to relax and change modes before sex. this also means BOTH OF YOU communicating about how you're really feeling and not repressing your true emotions to avoid a fight. Don't fight about it...but DO be honest.
And...get to your OB. ASAP. they'll have some helpful suggestions and maybe some hormone therapy or a different birth control will help your hormones and you may find that once you tweak those you have more energy and drive automatically.
best of luck..it's something almost all couples struggle with, so don't feel alone. and just to let you know..it's probably not your attraction for him waning. it may be, but don't give up on him yet!
Have you discussed this with your OB/Gyn? I would do that first before doing anything else. This is NOT uncommon. I am certain this is a hormone imbalance.
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