Aa
Controlling boyfriend
Im 15 and my boyfriend is 16. At the start of the relationship things were really good, but as the relationship has developed my boyfriend has become very controlling on me. He has broke 2 of my phones, deleted my bebo and facebook, which are social networking sites, which i use to contact friends. He gets really jelous and paranoid with me. He doesn't like me talking to boys who are my friends. He gets really angry sometimes, which can scare me, but i know he would never hurt me. He is accusing me of cheating alot, when i haven't. He sometimes makes me feel insecure by telling me that i am ugly etc so that i think no-one else will want me, so that he can have me to himself. We are really close and when things are okay he is really nice and will tell me that i am beautiful and hug's me and stuff just like any other relationship and i do love him. When we argue he make's things out to be my fault and makes me feel bad, when i don't think it ever is my fault. I have threatened to split up with him alot of times, but he can't handle it, so i never follow it through. It has got to the point where i just normally do what he says because i don't want to upset him. I don't think i have the strengh to leave him neither, which i think is bad. But i do love him and want to make things okay, he says he will change and has got abit better, but not enough. I just keep holding on hopeing he will change. I need advice.
Wow, there is so much wrong with this scenario, I don't even know how to begin.
He breaks your cell phones in anger and rage now, blames you for his anger and rage, deletes your networking sites, doesn't like you talking to any other males, accuses you of cheating...
This is all just now? At age 16 for him? Does this not give you any idea of what he'll be like by 18 or 20 and older if you stick with him?
Let me give you some insight--get prepared to be totally cut off from your family by the time you graduate high school. He will not want you talking to your mom and dad, he will try to convince you that THEY are controlling your life and to get away from them with him. He will want you to move in with him into some sleazy apartment, most likely. Then, he will track everything you do on the internet. He will track all your phone calls and texts on your cell, if he even allows you to have one. He will tell you when and where you can go, and trust me, it'll never be out with friends! Heck, he may not even want you to have a job of your own, and if you do get one, he will make sure he can reach you at any time while you're there to "check in on you." Most likely he will not want you to have a car, he will want to drive you everywhere.
Chances are, if you do anything that he believes is defiant against him, he will start physically abusing you. That's practically a guarantee. At a point like this, attempting to get out for your own safety and/or your children's safety (because chances are, if you move in with him at 18-19, you'll have a baby by 19-21 or sooner) becomes much more difficult and much more dangerous.
Oh, and of course he has moments where he "loves you" and tells you you're beautiful and hugs and kisses and cuddles--that's all when he's confident you're submitted to his control. As long as your his good little girl, he'll treat you oh-so-lovingly. Forget being your own person, the person he should love, not the person he thinks he's broken down into being who he wants you to be.
You really need to do yourself a favor and get over the fact that you think he can't handle a breakup. Oh well and boo-hoo for him, he'll get over it, trust me. If he doesn't, he is his parents' responsibility, not yours (because you both are still minors).
You think he can't handle a breakup--just think if you can handle the upcoming total loss of your social life, personal identity, and your physical well-being.
He breaks your cell phones in anger and rage now, blames you for his anger and rage, deletes your networking sites, doesn't like you talking to any other males, accuses you of cheating...
This is all just now? At age 16 for him? Does this not give you any idea of what he'll be like by 18 or 20 and older if you stick with him?
Let me give you some insight--get prepared to be totally cut off from your family by the time you graduate high school. He will not want you talking to your mom and dad, he will try to convince you that THEY are controlling your life and to get away from them with him. He will want you to move in with him into some sleazy apartment, most likely. Then, he will track everything you do on the internet. He will track all your phone calls and texts on your cell, if he even allows you to have one. He will tell you when and where you can go, and trust me, it'll never be out with friends! Heck, he may not even want you to have a job of your own, and if you do get one, he will make sure he can reach you at any time while you're there to "check in on you." Most likely he will not want you to have a car, he will want to drive you everywhere.
Chances are, if you do anything that he believes is defiant against him, he will start physically abusing you. That's practically a guarantee. At a point like this, attempting to get out for your own safety and/or your children's safety (because chances are, if you move in with him at 18-19, you'll have a baby by 19-21 or sooner) becomes much more difficult and much more dangerous.
Oh, and of course he has moments where he "loves you" and tells you you're beautiful and hugs and kisses and cuddles--that's all when he's confident you're submitted to his control. As long as your his good little girl, he'll treat you oh-so-lovingly. Forget being your own person, the person he should love, not the person he thinks he's broken down into being who he wants you to be.
You really need to do yourself a favor and get over the fact that you think he can't handle a breakup. Oh well and boo-hoo for him, he'll get over it, trust me. If he doesn't, he is his parents' responsibility, not yours (because you both are still minors).
You think he can't handle a breakup--just think if you can handle the upcoming total loss of your social life, personal identity, and your physical well-being.
You need to talk with your parents about this NOW! They can help you get a restraining order if needed. As a former abuse victim, I'm here to tell you that things will only get worse. There is no getting better in this situation! You DO have control over this situation, you just have to enforce it. He's doing his best to make you feel guilty (and it's working) but you have got to look past that and see this for what it really is...another control method.
I'm here to tell you that this is only the beginning too. If he hasn't hit you yet, he will. I guarantee it! My ex put a gun to my head and held me hostage in his mother's home for several hours. He choked me out in our bathroom and when I went unconscious, I fell and hit my head on the bathtub. I had numerous scars from him. I can't tell you how many bloody noses and black eyes I had. I stayed with that jerk for 7 years, mainly out of fear, but I left and so can you! It took everything I had in me but I did it and it was the BEST decision I ever made.
Please keep us posted on what you decide to do. I really don't want to see you waste your young years with someone who doesn't love you the same way you love them (and he doesn't if he's treating you bad). We will all be here for support should you do what's best for yourself and break up with him.
I'm here to tell you that this is only the beginning too. If he hasn't hit you yet, he will. I guarantee it! My ex put a gun to my head and held me hostage in his mother's home for several hours. He choked me out in our bathroom and when I went unconscious, I fell and hit my head on the bathtub. I had numerous scars from him. I can't tell you how many bloody noses and black eyes I had. I stayed with that jerk for 7 years, mainly out of fear, but I left and so can you! It took everything I had in me but I did it and it was the BEST decision I ever made.
Please keep us posted on what you decide to do. I really don't want to see you waste your young years with someone who doesn't love you the same way you love them (and he doesn't if he's treating you bad). We will all be here for support should you do what's best for yourself and break up with him.
First of All, You are too young to be dealing with this issue! You need to get the strength to leave him. He will NEVER change. He might say he will or act like he did for a little while but he will not change and continue doing this to You. If you continue to be with him he will get worse. You might think he won't ever hit you but he will. Its a matter of time before it will go in that direction. (its already headed in that direction)
He is insecure with himself so he is making you feel that way also. He knows how to manilupate you and make you feel worthless.
You need to gain some self esteem and some respect for yourself. You don't deserve that type of abuse from NOBODY! This is not real love!
Get the strenth to leave him. You should go to theraphy for your self esteem. You are way too young to be having to dealing with this. Hes not worth it & in the future you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. At this age you shouldn't even be worrying about boys. Right now you should be focused on your education, going out with freinds and having fun. Don't let that a$$h*le control you anymore!!
He is insecure with himself so he is making you feel that way also. He knows how to manilupate you and make you feel worthless.
You need to gain some self esteem and some respect for yourself. You don't deserve that type of abuse from NOBODY! This is not real love!
Get the strenth to leave him. You should go to theraphy for your self esteem. You are way too young to be having to dealing with this. Hes not worth it & in the future you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. At this age you shouldn't even be worrying about boys. Right now you should be focused on your education, going out with freinds and having fun. Don't let that a$$h*le control you anymore!!
Take my word for it you are to young to even think of steady boyfriends or relationships concentrate on a good education for awhile and get the boys off the brain so you can think straight luck jo
Ok sweetie...this is what I see:
* Very young 15, 16, bf controlling (Red flag!)
* Early signs of potential violence ( Red flag!)
* b/f jelous, paranoid, insecure, (Red flag!)
* Verbally & emotional abuse: accusation (Red flag!)
* Condosending: Talks down to you, trying to get into your head with mean comments
(Red flag!)
* You love him, but he does not love you, because love shouldn't hurt...this is not true
love! This love is one sided.
* Uses reverse psychology: "it's your fault this happened, etc" ...he's messing with
your mind. (Red flag!)
* HE CONTROLS YOU: you do what he says to keep the peace...BIG NO, NO (Red
flag!)
* You are mentally and emotionally weak: "I can't leave him"...which means, you
don't have the right skills to cope and break up. (Red flag).
* Let go of this "hope"...he is not going to change and you can't change him. (Red flag!).
This is not love. Love is simple and doesn't hurt. Read all of the above and re-read your post. You are in an abusive relationship and it's just a matter of time that he WILL get violent with you (pushing, shoving, arm grabbing....get the picture).
My advise...dump him, before he continues to verbally and emotionally abuse you. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE, so you have to change.
p.s. if you don't leave him....I'm going to tell your mother, her little girl is being abused!!!!
* Very young 15, 16, bf controlling (Red flag!)
* Early signs of potential violence ( Red flag!)
* b/f jelous, paranoid, insecure, (Red flag!)
* Verbally & emotional abuse: accusation (Red flag!)
* Condosending: Talks down to you, trying to get into your head with mean comments
(Red flag!)
* You love him, but he does not love you, because love shouldn't hurt...this is not true
love! This love is one sided.
* Uses reverse psychology: "it's your fault this happened, etc" ...he's messing with
your mind. (Red flag!)
* HE CONTROLS YOU: you do what he says to keep the peace...BIG NO, NO (Red
flag!)
* You are mentally and emotionally weak: "I can't leave him"...which means, you
don't have the right skills to cope and break up. (Red flag).
* Let go of this "hope"...he is not going to change and you can't change him. (Red flag!).
This is not love. Love is simple and doesn't hurt. Read all of the above and re-read your post. You are in an abusive relationship and it's just a matter of time that he WILL get violent with you (pushing, shoving, arm grabbing....get the picture).
My advise...dump him, before he continues to verbally and emotionally abuse you. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE, so you have to change.
p.s. if you don't leave him....I'm going to tell your mother, her little girl is being abused!!!!
You say you don't have the strength to leave him, but you really need to get that strength up and RUN(seriously!) from him as fast as you can!
I watched my best friend in a relationship like this with a man who cut out all her friends and got jealous if she even talked on the phone with me, and tried to control everything she did. She didn't take my advice and leave and she married the a$$hole and things just went downhill from there. She wasn't allowed(as in he wouldn't allow her) to speak, or see me at all and i had been her best friend since 7th grade! Eventually he started hitting her, but it was always "an accident" and he was always "so sorry adn remorseful" and it was always either because she supposedly "had it coming"(yes he actually told me this after she finally left him and a couple of us confronted him about it!) or she didn't do something the way he wanted her to.
And your boyfriend sounds exactly how her's was! You need to get out of the relationship, he is manipulative, controlling, emotionally abusive(which can and most likely WILL lead to physically abusive!) plus just an all around a$$!
He is not secure and he is taking you down so that he can feel better about himself and if he really loved you he would want you to be happy and would try to make you happy not insult you or try and control you in any way. He needs therapy!
Leave the a$$hole and talk to your friends or family to help you get over him, and i would highly suggest talking with a therapist to help you with your self esteem. No man who loves you would ever try and treat you like this!
I watched my best friend in a relationship like this with a man who cut out all her friends and got jealous if she even talked on the phone with me, and tried to control everything she did. She didn't take my advice and leave and she married the a$$hole and things just went downhill from there. She wasn't allowed(as in he wouldn't allow her) to speak, or see me at all and i had been her best friend since 7th grade! Eventually he started hitting her, but it was always "an accident" and he was always "so sorry adn remorseful" and it was always either because she supposedly "had it coming"(yes he actually told me this after she finally left him and a couple of us confronted him about it!) or she didn't do something the way he wanted her to.
And your boyfriend sounds exactly how her's was! You need to get out of the relationship, he is manipulative, controlling, emotionally abusive(which can and most likely WILL lead to physically abusive!) plus just an all around a$$!
He is not secure and he is taking you down so that he can feel better about himself and if he really loved you he would want you to be happy and would try to make you happy not insult you or try and control you in any way. He needs therapy!
Leave the a$$hole and talk to your friends or family to help you get over him, and i would highly suggest talking with a therapist to help you with your self esteem. No man who loves you would ever try and treat you like this!
you need to loose him. he won't change. if he's breaking your phones, deleting your accounts it will only get worse. you may THINK he won't physically abuse you but he will. I saw it happen to my mom. you're young, there are PLENTY of guys out there. you can find a guy who will treat you with respect. who will not break your property, accuse you of cheating and just break you down mentally. and that's what he wants. for you to feel worthless, ugly and that nobody else in the world would ever want you. and that is NOT true! you're only 15....if you stay with him it will only get worse.controlling possessive guys are a big NO NO! if you need someone to support you and to help you tell your parents!!!!! they can be a BIG BIG help. or a counselor at your school. GET AWAY FROM THIS GUY!
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