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Cousin seems to hate me :(
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Cousin seems to hate me :(

My fiance's cousin and I are just a few years apart but she is younger than me.  We were very close for quite a long time.  She would call me at all hours of the day and night for advice.  I was always there for her and she was there for me.

She ditched my birthday party without telling me to go visit her boyfriend.  I only found out because she posted it on a mutual friend's Facebook wall.  I asked if she'd be there the whole weekend and she ignored me for 2 days then called to say sorry she couldn't make it - after the party was already over :(  I told her I was hurt and I didn't understand why she did that.  I was VERY civil about it though, never yelled or accused her but I guess it was "harsh" to her because NOBODY ever calls her out on her bad attitude.  But I did tell her "Ok, I understand and I'm glad we talked about it" and ended the conversation with "See you soon."

Since then she ignores me at family events, and doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with me.  It makes me upset but the real problem is she is a bridesmaid in my wedding very soon.  I called her to try and clear the air but she claimed nothing was wrong and just ignored the problem.  I don't know what to do.  I really want to be close again and I want her to be happy on my wedding day instead of being miserable.

How do I fix this relationship if she won't talk to me?? What do I do??
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh, sorry it came to that.  Ya know, I'd just let her be.  She may become more friendly down the road.  She's your fiance's cousin so she will be in your life.  No reason to make it a feud or dislike her or she you.  Just back off and let her be and be the bigger person and be friendly and polite when you see her.  

good luck and happy wedding
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there.  Well, it sounds like besides just being your fiance's cousin, she'd become a good friend of yours as well.  I can understand why your feelings were hurt about your birthday party.  Lots of girls do put their boyfriends (even really crummy ones) above all else.  OR she could have intended to make it to your party but was just carried away and didn't make it.  Flakey and inconsiderate but something a lot of girls do (especially when immature and a bit irresponsible).  

So then she feels guilty.  And believe it or not, when some people feel guilty, they act aloof.  Or self rightous in their own right.  

She may also have a tiny bit of jealousy.  Again, this would go with the theme that she is a little immature.  You have a big day coming and perhaps she wishes it is her.  Maybe she is always the screw up and feels bad about this because you have it all together in her eyes.  All this can cause a slightly immature girl to act funny.

Honestly, don't let it blow up.  Ask her to do something you both like to do.  Lunch is a good one.  and just treat her like normal.  no questions about what is wrong.  Nothing heavy.  Just hang out for a little bit acting like nothing happened.  

She's not saying she is mad, she's just acting a little bit like not herself.  Leave it be, be friendly to her, and it should go back to normal.  
good luck
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1268057_tn?1419171505
Well....I would just let her be and see if she comes around.  Hopefully she will.  Time will tell.

Sounds like she may be a bit jealous of you and she is definitely acting immature.  How old is she?  

Your statement...."I was VERY civil about it though, never yelled or accused her but I guess it was "harsh" to her because NOBODY ever calls her out on her bad attitude."   Does everyone just allow her to behave badly and not say anything to her?  
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13167_tn?1327197724
Wisconsin,  I went to your profile and read your other two posts.

Do you see that the other two posts are the mirror image of this one - in those posts,  you have a group of very long term close friends and you are no longer attending their activities or accepting their invitations,  and in fact had a bit blow up before with this group because you'd cancel your plans to be with them after the plans were already made.

I think there's something to this.  Have you cancelled plans also with this cousin,  or been unavailable to her socially,  so that she grew to expect that it was fine for her to cancel out on you - and now she's very surprised that you were so hurt and that you confronted her?  

Is it possible that you're leading your life in two different ways - you feel free and justified to cancel on the plans of others,  but got very hurt and confronted her when she took the same attitude?

It just seems interesting,  that within about 6 months you have the same problem,  in reverse.

Best wishes.  I agree with the others that I would let this blow over if possible,  and I think maybe you were more harsh to her than you realized.  Since your wedding is coming up I hope you can make peace with her and have the relationship you once had -
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1268057_tn?1419171505
RockRose has presented a valid point.....food for thought.  
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973741_tn?1342346373
I hadn't looked at back dated posts.  I guess it is true that we have to have the same rules for others that we have for ourself.  Good luck and I hope it works out with you and your cousin.
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Avatar_f_tn
Sure, that's a coincidence, but that's it.  They are two totally separate people who have never met and are in no way alike.

This problem is about this girl acting cold and distant to me and not actually confronting me about the problem.  Her canceling plans was just one part of the story and not the main issue.  Two totally different issues here.

I'm more trying to figure out how to reach out to her in a way that will work, not how to blame myself for it.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh, I think that we were just looking for answers to why she is reacting that way and if you have a double standard of some sort, that could be one reason, or she could just be immature, or she could be jealous.  I'd go for one of those three ideas.

I'd do as my post mentions.  Offer to do something fun with her without bring it up and just have a casual good time.  See if she bounces back if she doesnt' think you are mad at her.  good luck
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks.  Well I got my answer after I invited her to have dinner with me and got ignored for two days.  I then approached her and said, "I feel that our relationship has changed so I hope we can talk it out."  The response I got was basically, "I'd rather hang out with my friends so leave me alone."
After everything I've done for her, all the months she needed me and would call me whenever she needed anything and I was always there for her.  Now just like that it's a 180. So now I just have to deal with that rejection, I think I've really done all I can do to try and fix this. She seems like she has borderline personality disorder or something.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Oh, sorry it came to that.  Ya know, I'd just let her be.  She may become more friendly down the road.  She's your fiance's cousin so she will be in your life.  No reason to make it a feud or dislike her or she you.  Just back off and let her be and be the bigger person and be friendly and polite when you see her.  

good luck and happy wedding
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