Cousin trying to get my boyfriend??

[she90]

How would you feel if u had a boyfriend and u introduced her to your whole family on ur 21st, then your female cousin  flirted with him so much someone else noticed aswel? then your boyfriend returns to their city 2hours away where your cousins family are having a holiday and they ask how to gt hold of your boyfriend to hang out with them?
Im not sure if im just being insecure or whether my cousin really is trying to ruin my relationship. She has a really high opinion of herself and thinks no1 is good enough for her, our personalities are completely different, she is confident and funny. Im not so confident, and i dont necessarily want to be. It's not him i don't trust, its her and her family since her mum was saying to him how they could hang out when they are there, and when my mum who they texted about finding his contact details said not to contact him, they said they would find a way of getting in touch with him
I know he loves me heaps, im just worried my cousin will come along and ruin everything since ive loved this guy for so long and it seems that in the past the people closest to me have betrayed me the most and im so sick of it. It hurts a lot and i dont want it to ruin my relationship
What do I do??

[specialmom]

Well, yes.  That would hurt.  Odd that your aunt got involved and called your mom for his contact information as usually the grown ups act like .. . well, grown ups.  Oh well.  You've spoken to your boyfriend and he is supportive of your feelings and making you feel confident about the relationship.  I think you need to work on this confidence and overall perception of yourself so that you will be less insecure as time goes on. Really, when two people are on the same page------------- it matters not what outside people try to wreck it.  They can't.  It can only be disturbed if one of the people in the relationship lets it be.

So, I do understand how annoying that must be about your cousin and her mother but I would try to ignore it.  Keep the drama out on your end too.  They just look bad and leave it at that.

good luck

[she90]

thank you both for your advice
I think it is my insecurities as my ex was on a break from his gf when we got together but i only found it out once we had broken up and also last year i got betrayed by my close friend for going out with my ex who i wasnt fully over yet. I'm realising it is my problem beause I don't trust anyone too close to me now.

My boyfriend is friendly to everyone, guys and girls, so I think it's their perception of him being nice that makes them think so. I'm his first girlfriend, so I know he's not someone who just jumps intp something.
My cousin does know im insecre, I used to look up to her but now i don't see whycI should as she loves the drama of situations.
I don't quite understand my family as they tried to get hold of him through my mum, it frustrated my mum so she told them where to go. They think of it as a joke, it's kinda twisted because they know that i've cared about him for a long time.
Me and him were best friends last year before we got together so i know alot about him.

I've told my boyfriend about this, and why I am insecure, and he has said he will never go near her as it will hurt me. I don;t want to ruin relationship based on my trust issues from the past.
Anyways, im not sure how much this information will be in response to your advice.
I just want a drama less year, I don't appreciate having family that makes a joke of my relationship or me because it hurts

[specialmom]

Hi.  Passion has given you good advice.  I will add that this is a very very new relationship of less than a month.  You've had another bout of insecurity over a friend of yours recently.  I'm trying to figure out if the insecurity is internal with you or if it is something your boyfriend is doing.  I will say that if someone flirts with someone's boyfriend--------- it will go nowhere unless the boyfriend sends off signals that he is open to that.  So you have nothing to fear unless he is returning the interest.  

Your whole life you will encounter losers that want to be with your guy.  Married 11 years myself and they are still around.  But it goes nowhere because my husband just rolls his eyes and doesn't reciprocate.  Your cousin is being a jerk though.  You could always ask her if she is flirting with your boyfriend for any particular reason and see what she says.  I'm pretty direct.  I wouldn't do it with anger in your voice---------  just fact gathering.  Are you close to her at all?  But. . . again, you just had bad feelings for a friend of yours that you were afraid he liked and at some point you have to realize that it is not the other person but either our own feelings causing issues or our boyfriend who has a wandering eye.  

I hope it all works out for you.  good luck

[PassionFlower09]

OK,  

Your cousin's behavior is not good.She is not loyal to you and she is not a friend. Her mother reinforces her bad behavior. You don't have the problem, she does. It is a character flaw( which is clearly genetic). With that being said, some women are just this way. She is probably insecure herself or has a personal relationship,  or social  life that is lacking in some way.

You say you're insecure..Your cousin probably thinks you are too. That is why she so boldly challenging you  and is not concerned about anyone knowing it (hence asking your mother for his  contact information).

You need to be confident (even if you are not or are working on getting your confidence up) and show your confidence. You are going way too far when you say, "It hurts a lot and i don't want it to ruin my relationship". Your boyfriend loves you (your admitted words). Just because some maladaptive members of your family try to flirt with him, attract him , or abscond with his attentive ( the equivalent behavior in other less advanced primates would be to display their genitals. But that is another story) doesn't mean they will be successful. It doesn't mean that your relationship with your boyfriend is over. And if it is, then you don't want a man who will leave you for your cousin.

Just keep interaction with them and your boyfriend limited to non-existent. If other people noticed their behavior, then so did your boyfriend. If they are super persistent, then your boyfriend  will have to tell them  he is not interested or my  personal favorite, "to kick rocks".

Don't give this cousin this power over you. She can't just "come along and ruin everything ". If she and her mother do contact him, if your boyfriend is normal, he will ask: how they got his contact info,why they are contacting him,  and what they want.
Then he will see what they are all about if he doesn't already.

Both you and your mother should just be confident. Tell your mother that the next time they call her and threaten to contact your boyfriend, fiancee', or husband, to tell them to do their worst because this man loves you and there is nothing they can do about it. And obviously- don't give them the number.

By the way how did your boyfriend respond to them? My answer assumes he behaved well and is a good  person.

PassionFlower09

[she90]

*introduced him to your whole family