Dating someone without a job or career?

[Hypnoash6]

I have posted here before but I am still dealing with this issue:

I moved down to Florida from NJ for grad school to get my masters in occupational therapy, 6 months later I met my current boyfriend who I have been with 1 year and a half. When I first started dating him I knew he went to college but did not finish, which I was hesitant to at first but he had a good job as a general manager at a store making decent money. 4 months later the store closed and he was out of a job for 5 months which I understood because of the economy. He held that job for 5 months then they let him go the end of March because they could not afford to pay him anymore. Since then he has not had a job, he says hes looking but hes picky because he wants a job that is in his preferred salary range. I think he is currently collecting unemployment, I say I think because when I ask him he does not like to talk about it because hes embarrassed.  He does side work once in a while for a friend for his company and said they are looking to hire so he sent them his resume but he keeps saying that since April.

I just graduated this weekend and have 3 months of fieldwork left. I go to fieldwork everyday and hes at home watching tv or on some days he will grill and drink with the guys. We dont go on many dates because I cant afford to pay for him. Even though I dont have alot of money I will get him little surprises here and there. He will cook dinner for and do laundry but I do that too. For my birthday he got me very nice gifts and put alot of thought but didnt get me anything for my graduation (im not sure if I should of expected anything?).  I love him and his family but he is not financially responsible. At the end of November I have to decide to stay in this relationship or not. I want to move closer to NJ where my family is also.

I just dont know if I am over thinking this situation? What do you think?

[bubbahbigsis]

i dated a guy who really could not hold a job for very long and in the long run i broke it off. i wanted to be taken out on dates and he couldnt do that and if we did i always got stuck paying. in the end i was glad i made the decision i did. he still is not holding a decent job and is in debt up to his eyeballs. so if he cant keep a job while u are dating what would happen if you got married or had kids.

[specialmom]

Hypnoash6----------- you sound like a smart girl and I really think you are selling yourself short.  You can have what you want in a man.  You really can.  Sometimes we have to walk away from someone we have feelings for to get what we want in life.  It isn't about the dollar-----------  but it IS about compatibility.  What is in the top one or two reasons a couple divorces???  Financial issues.  And a couple that is never on the same page regarding that from the very begining has not much of a chance of surviving together for the long haul.  He has a different attitude about financial responsibility than you.  You'll be in conflict over this for the duration of your relationship.  

I wish you luck.  I think you can have what you want in life but are currently 'stuck'.  And at this stage in the game of dating . . . you should still be having dates.  I've been married 10 years with 2 kids and we still go on dates.  A relationship needs that to stay alive over time.  That connection of appreciating one another and giving our time just to that.  Go for what you want in life and don't settle!

[Hypnoash6]

He gets mad when I ask him questions regarding work. I have told him about different job openings and job fairs but he doesnt respond back about them. Its a tough situation. All he seems intrested in is sitting on the couch, watching football, bbqing and drinking with his friends. We work well living together but rarely go on dates.

[teddybears4ever2]

When I first met my husband he was living in his parents' basement and had just started a retail job.  He left his job to go to school very shortly after that.  I had been going to school far away, so I moved back home and went to a different school.  
We have moved yet again and he has a job and I don't.  It's not that I don't want one it's that we live in a small town where the job market is poor.
My husband is also trying to make it as a musician.  We barely make it each month, but I love him more than money and I know that if we can get through this rough patch we can make it through anything.
In regards to what you said.  Maybe there is a good reason why your boyfriend doesn't have a job.  Offer to help him find a job.  

[penswriter]

If he has no ambition in life...that'd be a huge turn off. Here in my house I work. Dh looked and couldn't find anything so I looked and found a job. (we have expertise in two VERY different fields.) He does take care of the kids, cooks, cleans and always makes sure that I get up and to work on time. He is in college though. He graduates in March. I tried college twice and never finished either time. I do plan on going back...eventually. But we love each other and accept each other for our faults.

I honestly don't think an education is what makes the person. If the guy can't grow up and just wants to sit on his duff all day...I'd say no. If he has ambition, wants to do something and is actively trying...give him a shot.

[Hypnoash6]

Thanks for the advice, it helps me understand the things ive been thinking are okay. Its just hard to date someone for a while and fall in love then realize these things.

[AnnieBrooke]

If you want children, you want a hard-working partner who is a man and responsible for the things a man is responsible for, who takes pride in accomplishing big goals.  You don't want to have a baby with an overgrown teenager that you also have to take care of.  It will make you twice as mad when you come home from work and have to do things that fill in where he didn't bother.  

Your life is going to be great, and you will have other choices.  Pick a person who takes the responsibility to be an adult seriously.  You'll save yourself a boatload of heartache.

[specialmom]

Well, my advice is the exact same as last time.  I'm about finding someone I am compatible with and to me that means more than having a good time together.  I found it important to find a partner that was ambitious and had a strong work ethic.  It was important to me and I wouldn't have settled for less.  Yes, it is a bad economy and many are out of work--------- but I don't think that is the case with your boyfriend.  He is content based on this post and past posts about the subject.  Your gut is telling you something but you are afraid to listen to it.  I'm just afraid that if you don't, you will regret it down the road.  I would NEVER marry someone that I described as financially irresponsible.  That is a disaster in the making.  

I had ideas of the kind of life I wanted as I aged----------  and it was my job to create it.  It is YOUR job to create the kind of life you want.  This includes making the hard decisions about boyfriends.  By the way----------  I was deeply in love with boyfriends prior to meeting my husband.  But . . . they were not the best match for me.  Please hold out until you find a better match for yourself.   If you were satisfied with the way he is, you would not second guess your relationship so intensely.  

I wish you all the best.  I feel a bit of a familiarity when you post because I've been there.  I'm in my 40's now and do not regret letting the fun but not responsible ones go.  I have a fun and financially secure man who works hard for his family as my mate.  Don't settle.  good luck