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Did I give him something? Confused and Sad
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Did I give him something? Confused and Sad

Two questions, regarding the same issue.

I recently (two/three months ago) started dating this guy that I really, really like. We slept together after we'd been dating casually for about a month and things were normal for a week or two... and all of a sudden, he got very sick and sort of dropped off the face of the earth. He didn't seem to go out of his way to find me, ever, and limited his phone calls to maybe twice a week. Three weeks later, I finally conceded that he had lost interest in me for some extremely confusing reason and was trying to convince myself to move on when he confessed that he had an open sore on his penis. He hadn't slept with anyone for six months before me... meaning, he figured I must have given him something. He tested negative for everything, although his symptoms would suggest herpes, and was just completely confused. He told me he still liked me, he had just been lying low as far as women were concerned while he was trying to figure it out.

I got tested, and my results all came back normal. I was tested for everything from AIDS to HPV. Negative all around, and it had been long enough that he would have given me anything he already had. When I told him this, he seemed to panic all over again out of confusion. A doctor her spoke to over the phone told him that I may have had Herpes 1 and given it to him during oral sex, but I tested negative for that, too.

Oral sex WAS involved, and yes, we did use a condom, but we were a little late getting it.

My first question, then: How could he have the symptoms of herpes without testing positive for it or my having contracted it during oral sex or genital contact? What could possibly be wrong?

And my second question: Do you think the whole situation has freaked him out to the point where pursuing a relationship would be a futile effort? I rarely meet men I like as much as this one, despite the distress surrounding the past three weeks or so.

Any help would be more than appreciated. Thank you.
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10 Comments Post a Comment
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100019_tn?1335923317
I suppose it wouldn't do any good to suggest waiting for sex next time?
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Avatar_f_tn
Not really, no.
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Avatar_f_tn
i wish that i could give you the medical advice you want but if the guy does not come around i do beleive he is freaked out also it will not do any good to chase him men like to do the chasing    be careful lots of things out there one might catch       lots luck  jo
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Avatar_f_tn
The only thing I know about herpes is what I have read off of my Gynos posters.  I have read that you do get flu like symptoms a couple days after you contract herpes, and then have an outbreak.  The sores last longer than just a couple of days and are usually in clusters.  If he had a sore on his penis that went away after a couple of days I highly doubt it was herpes, but I am no doctor and I do not have herpes, so I do not have personal exprerience with it.  It could be that he just zipped his penis in his jeans, but I guess he would have known if that had happened.  Sometimes people just get rubbage sores down there.  I get TERRIBLE razor burn on my bikini line!  I usually have to use a tanning bed to dry it up (the stand up beds that is!).  

If he stopped communicating with you because of a sore, then I would think he was scared that maybe he gave it to you, why else would he not CONFRONT you if he thought it was you that gave it to him.  I would not pursue a relationship with him either because he did not have enough respect for YOU to tell you about the sore, he obviously had no respect for your health.
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373034_tn?1204157628
I agree. He probably thought he gave it to you.  I don't think if he had one sore that it was herpes.  I'm no expert as I've not had herpes and I'm not a gyno.  I wouldn't pursue him.  If he decides he wants you, make your decision.  I also must say being that I'm slightly old fashioned, wait a lot longer next time for sex.  It is hard to do but it really makes things better in my opinion.  Just my opinion.  I hope everything works out for the best.  Congrats on the negative tests!
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Avatar_f_tn
What do you mean you used a condon but were late getting it. Don't insult us by saying things like that. So what does a little late getting it mean?? To me it sounds like you didn't have safe sex and that's why your worried. If you didn't have safe sex you should be worried. End of story.

dove
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142722_tn?1281537216
Maybe if he did have a sore, it could have been a boil.  I know i may be crazy.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I am young and I have made mistakes. I do not, however, appreciate the judgmental tone I've been approached with when asking for advice. It is entirely unnecessary.
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177641_tn?1189759437
arsenictoast, try asking him more about his symptoms and do some research yourself. It's sounds like this sore has made this guy pretty freaked out, and his doctor may have gave him the idea to satisfy his apparent stress over the situation.

And dove, I don't think anyone else was insulted by the OP using the condom a little late. Safe sex is great in theory, but it's certainly not a black and white situation.
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Avatar_f_tn
It's hard to try to figure out what this guy is trying to say. Is it possible he was with another woman and got something but is blaming you?  I don't know but that seems to be one possibility. Read the STD forum, so many people cheat and then feel guilty.  I am surprised at the amount of men that visit prostitutes and yet they have wives/girlfriends.   Maybe he's had herpes all along but just got an outbreak.    If you have been tested for everything since you've had sex with him, and everything has come out negative, it's safe to assume that he didn't catch anything from you.  If you don't have herpes, you can't transmit that to him.  Or this could be his weird way of breaking up with you so that you know there is no chance of reconciliation??!!  I'm just giving some possible reasons for his actions towards you, they may not be correct.  People are strange sometimes, that's all there is to it.  

I don't know what this guys deal is but just move on and let him sort it out.  Don't make his mental problem your problem.  It sounds to me like he's got some issues.  
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