Disclosure HPV?

[worriedwart2009]

Hi there,
2 and a half years ago I was diagnosed with GW's, from a cheating BF, I was devistated but I had them treated and have been clear for 27 months. I have been seeing a guy for about 5months now, he is  great, we are serious about each other, theres talk of moving in next year and future plans (marraige etc).
We'v been using protection during sex, however we would both like to go without. The problem is, he does not know about my GW's 2,5yrs ago...
Now I know that by now, it is very, very unlikely they will reoccur or infect someone else (ie: him) and iv been told to consider myself cured and to forget and get on with my life...but what if i had a baby with him in a few years and they came back or something.
Im confused whether I should tell him and how without him running for the hills! Im terrified of losing him!
Any experiences or advice please!

[Judy246]

I'm going to be honest and I'm sure others will differ, but I personally and my opinion only, I wouldn't tell him. I would make sure to go back to the doctor, get a second opinion and ask all the necessary questions, because if you are completely healed, no need to tell him, but if you do have outbrakes, make sure to protect him and yourself and have him use protection or abstain from intercourse until the outbreaks clear. If you tell him, you risk losing him or him might understand that it was something from your past that needs to be dealt with, so it's up to you, tell him, risk losing him or he will understand that it is your past and way's around him, but me personally, I wouldn't tell him, but get a second opinion from a doctor and take it from there.

[worriedwart2009]

Thank you for your reply...I really appreciate you taking the time to give me a moment:). I went to see a specialist on monday...who checked me over and told me Im clear and a chance of recurrance would be rare, but sometimes happens for woman during pregnancy. when asked about disclosure, he said that I was 1 of many ppl who had it, roughly 70% of ppl have it in their lifetime, but only 1-3% show the symptoms (lucky me!). I then spoke to a health advisor and she said, it was up to me...they didnt usually give advice on diclosure of HPV as its just something thats a part of life!?
They seem to be acting as tho im making a big deal about nothing...I know its harmless, but still its something that shouldnt be there!!!
I just feel like out of honesty and openess as well as a small chance still being a chance, surely Im under obligation to tell him.
Im stuck in the "what he doesnt know wont hurt him" and the "honesty is the best policy" rut!!? So even after seeing a specialist in this field...im lost!

[Judy246]

It's a tough call and I completely agree and if you want to discuss your doctor visit and possibility, if it does happen during pregnancy, no surprise to him. It's hard to tell someone you love and are intimate of this possibility. I'm sure other can just come right out and say it, I'm with you on the difficulty of it and how I would handle it.

[megochick101]

I would have told him before starting a sexual relationship with him, even if there was hardly any chance of it returning. However since you're way past that point, i don't know if you should tell him, because it's basically a break in the trust if you've been keeping it from him all this time and he may get worried about what else you haven't told him as any std is a serious issue. But on the other hand, if I was him I would've wanted to know about it instead of possibly finding out about it 5 or so years down the road if it ever comes back.

[imanaddict]

I would talk to him about it. And the reason being is because IF it does come back later down the line and he gets it, or finds out you have it, he will think you cheated on him. You are in a tough position, but it can be worked through if he truly loves you. Especially since you were told it probably wouldn't ever come back. BTW, I always thought GW's weren't curable, but I could be wrong.

[worriedwart2009]

First off I just wanted to say...if it was active and contagious, I would have told him about it before we started a sexual relationship, but as its not and as this is not something you "willy nilly" want to tell everyone, I feel im under no obligation, we all know that after a few months you can realise your not really compatable with someone and would you really want them knowing personal things about you, be it a past STD or anything deeply personal! Besides that we have ALWAYS used protection and Iv been for checks!
2ndly GW's are incurable, as its a virus, but opposed to the herpes virus which is a hardy recurring one, it is warts, much like any other wart, you know like the ones you had as a kid, you dont forever have those(flu and colds are also viruses!)...its is extreemily rare they reappear for life, your immune system rids your system of them over time...over 90% clear it within 24months! Ive done my homework on this, trust me! But thank you to all of you for your advice...I think it needs to be said, but with all the correct info and delicately...
If anyone has experience in disclosure and how to go about it, it would be much appreciated!
Thanks again:)

[imanaddict]

I completely agree with you on temporary relationships and a need to know basis. Of course you don't want your business flaunted all over town. Who would? I wish I could advise more on the subject and even though I don't know much about GW's, I've known people in the same situation. If you are looking for an answer specifically from someone who has had GW's, then you may want to post again in the STD forum.

Good luck!

[Judy246]

There is a "Sexual Health" forum for these types of questions. You might have responses of someonw experiencing the same situation...Good luck...judy

[teko]

Use protection, period. How do you think you ended up with it the first time> Do you never learn!  For all you know, he got somethin he could be giving you too.  The, if it feels good do it mentality, is what created this situation to begin with.  And yes, if yer sleeping with the dude, you both have a right to know each others sexual past. What if it was hiv?

[megochick101]

I think you ARE under an obligation to tell him about the GW! You are having sex with him and he should know that there is a chance he could get GW from you, even with a condom and even with it being 90% clear he could STILL get it and that means he has the RIGHT to know this!

[heatherlynn22]

yes you should most definitely tell him. what if he was the one with the std and never told you? how would you feel if you went to get tested one day b/c you were getting symptoms and later found out it was this person you trusted? what you are doing is dishonest and horrible.

[worriedwart2009]

Thanks to Judy and imanaddict...Teko protection has always been used(with this BF) and Iv only ever slept with BF's...this is just something that unfortunately happened as a result of me being 'nieve' and my ex being a cheat! Megochick, I agree...with telling a long term partner, which is why Im trying to find out how to go about it...and as for the last comment, Im on here asking for how to disclse this...Im not here to be judged, stop pigeon holing ppl...you telling me you dont kno anyone whose hd an abnormal pap smear (HIGHLY common)??...this is the wart virus, some just get warts some dont, it differs!

I have already tried on the STD forum...but disclosure for HPV is seen as trivial, so not really any helpful replies...
Thanks to the helpful ppl on this thread:).

[heatherlynn22]

either way you need to tell him. if you loose him...that's something you have to deal with. you should have told him before your relationship became sexual. again think if this was reversed. would YOU not want to know if your sexual partner had an std?

[mami1323]

I had HPV, why I say have is because I only had one outbreak and that was about 7 or 8 years ago and haven't seen anything since.  Because of that, my doctor said it most likely was out of my system.  I however, had not shared that information with my current fiance since I figured that it was gone and when I got a bump (which turned out to be a ingrown hair), I thought I had another outbreak and confessed to him.  We had already been together for about 4 1/2 years at the time.  I felt so bad that I hadn't told him in the beginning and I explained to him that I thought it was out of my system.  He said he was upset that I didn't tell him a long time ago, not meaning just in the beginning of our relationship, but more so than 4 1/2 years later.  However, he loved me and he wasn't going to leave me over something like this.  He said if it had been something like HIV or Herpes, he would've been more upset about it but something like this he wasn't that bothered by.  So I suggest you go to the clinic, pick up a bunch of pamphlets, print out some research on the web and show it to him while you tell him.  I don't believe he would leave you over this and he probably has it as well since most people who have had at least 2 partners in their lifetime, have it.  I wound up getting pregnant in 2007 and never had an outbreak so I don't think you should worry about that.  But if your fear stands in your way because it is always on your mind, then you should come clean.

[worriedwart2009]

heatherlyn22 as my mother always says "if you have nothing nice or useful to say, dont say anything at all!"
Mami1323: Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I do know this already I just need a lil positive feedback from someone who has their facts strait and understands this situation.
I too had only one outbreak but 2 and half years ago, the doctors also believe it is out of my system, in fact they even said I need not say anything to future partners, but being an honest person, I obviously want to and I think now that things are becoming serious and long term its the right time...its taken a while as he lives abroad and I only see him one wknd a month...so five months is only equivelant to a few dates I guess:)
I have a lot of info...but broaching it, is what is scarey!! I dont think he will react badly, but you just never know do you...
Anyway, I think tonight may be the night, so wish me luck.
Take care.

[mami1323]

Well good luck, I hope all goes well.  It's never an easy subject but if he's an understanding man he will be ok with it.  My fiance's cousin has HIV and his girlfriend has been with him for 3 years and she knows about it and has accepted it.  She's a nurse so it's not like she is an uneducated woman.  Just a little hope sent your way.  Good luck again.

[worriedwart2009]

Thank you so much for your kind words...you dont know how much they meant, actually bought a tear to my eye! Iv just told my BF and he was so calm and understanding...I was like...have I told him enough? He said "whats in your past is in your past" and he was really glad we had the chat!
Honestly im on cloud 9 :)))))))). This was the first time Iv done this...and hopefully the last!
Thanks again and take care!

[mami1323]

Glad that things went well.  I'm sure you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.  Sounds like he is a good guy.  Congrats!