Aa
Do I chose
I have 2 children,my daughter 16 and my son 19,my son living with his dad and my daughter living with me. my boyfriend of 6 years who isn't divorced yet my children and my boyfriend cant stand each other, I mean hate is the word. my boyfriend become very insecure at times and that is because he isn't around as much as he should be ,but he has 3 girls of his own. my children think he is doing something else behind my back for him not to around so much and always accuses me of cheating . because I bruise very easily, he thinks the worse. He loves me to death and has never ever hurt me ,but he is dealing with his pending divorce and my children feel I deserve better. I love him to death as well and cant imagine my life without him. when we are together everything is great, but when we are apart, we miss each other like crazy My daughter wants to live with her dad, and expressed that on more then one occasion . My son and my boyfriend just had an altercation ,were my son sucker punched my boyfriend over something that has nothing to do with him. Now that is where I am stuck.
If I let my daughter live with her dad ,does that make me a bad mom.so I can be with someone who really loves me. and things will be different once are finally together, because he does make me happy, and would have done the same for my children. But that will never happen in this lifetime. I'm afraid of my children hating me for being with him
If I let my daughter live with her dad ,does that make me a bad mom.so I can be with someone who really loves me. and things will be different once are finally together, because he does make me happy, and would have done the same for my children. But that will never happen in this lifetime. I'm afraid of my children hating me for being with him
The kids will feel thrown out of your life by you if you choose this guy over them. They will think (or feel in their hearts) that their own mother does not love them. You say you're afraid they will "hate me for being with him," no, it will be worse, you will have chosen someone else over them, abandoning them. This is a terrible thing to do to your child.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Gosh, I really agree that this is such a terrible position for a mom to be in.
Lots of good comments made here for you in terms of advice. I'm of the mindset that I would not jeopardize a peaceful life/relationship with my kids. This sounds too volatile and too much under the bridge to ever be a happy relationship/family. I'd rather not have a man in my life than to have such a situation as you describe.
I agree that if you are to 'choose', it's your kids that you should stick with hon. good luck
Lots of good comments made here for you in terms of advice. I'm of the mindset that I would not jeopardize a peaceful life/relationship with my kids. This sounds too volatile and too much under the bridge to ever be a happy relationship/family. I'd rather not have a man in my life than to have such a situation as you describe.
I agree that if you are to 'choose', it's your kids that you should stick with hon. good luck
"He loves me to death and has never ever hurt me ,but he is dealing with his pending divorce and my children feel I deserve better.".............After dating a married man for 6 years I too think you deserve better. Maybe they "hate" him because they think he is trying to use their mom; trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Can't agree with your son sucker punching your bf, however, if things are this volatile between your children and this guy you probably should reevaluate this relationship.
Can't agree with your son sucker punching your bf, however, if things are this volatile between your children and this guy you probably should reevaluate this relationship.
I always assumed that mom's would pick their kids over any boyfriend any day of the week and twice on Sundays. I'm surprised at how many mom's have not, around here. It's actually shocking to me and I think it's pretty sad for the kids that their mom wouldn't pick them over a boyfriend who may or may not be around long enough for it to be worth the drama.
Terrible position for a mom to be in. Sorry to hear how distraught you are.
I see your son as having anger issues that need to be addressed. You and his dad should be addressing his actions, with an anger management therapist.
You have trust issues, in that your boyfriend is saying that you are cheating, because he sees bruises on you? Well, this is not good. You both need to get that resolved, maybe by talking to a therapist. You can't fight for this relationship at this point, with this going on. You need a good relationship, with problems being resolved before you can stand behind your man, imo.
That being said, you have a daughter who is 16 and a son who is 19. Your son is an adult, and as such, is at the age where he should consider his own love life his priority, not yours. As for you 16 year old daughter who is living at home and wanting to move in with her dad, presumably because you are in a relationship with a man that she doesn't approve of. You've said that your boyfriend is dealing with his own issues, with a pending divorce. If i were you, I think that as long as my child was still under the age of 18 I would not have a man who is engulfed in his own pending divorce living with my daughter, but i would not break up with him, if it is he that loves you and it is you that he loves. While i think you need to spend the next two years spending your time finishing what you started, and raising your youngest to 18, that you need also to continue being loyal (while still working on his trust issues he's having). If during the time your daughter grows to the age of 18, your relationship issues were to work out for you both, I would say that you are planning on living together when your daughter is age 18. Your son and daughter do Not need to micro manage your love life. Yes, it is difficult for kids to go through divorce, it's not ideal, but it happens. Your kids need to learn a valuable trait, and that is Live and Let Live. That we are all God's children, your boyfriend included. He and you deserve to find happiness. Your kids need to learn to live their own life, develop their own acceptance, prioritize their own education, friends, and love life. I know it is difficult to consider your boyfriend moving out for the two years until your daughter is 18 but i think it's necessary for your daughter right now. (Not your son, as he's not living with you anymore).
I would ask my son (your daughter) whether it is what they want, to have him move out until he (she) is 18. Maybe your daughter will surprise you. In the 30 or 60 days it takes for your boyfriend to find a temporary apartment, she would have time to consider what she really wants. It might be that she is not willing to be that person that micro manages her mother's love life. She might surprise you yet.
Would you daughter want to move out to her dad's regardless of whether your boyfriend moves out? This is the question i would be asking. I don't think that your having to "break up" should be on the table at all Unless his being paranoid of you cheating, is something that you are both able to put to rest permanently. As i said, that would be the deal breaker for me having a man saying that i was cheating when it was the furthest thing from my mind. Your situation is complicated as sometimes life is. I pray for your resolution and happiness. I'm here if you need a friend.
I see your son as having anger issues that need to be addressed. You and his dad should be addressing his actions, with an anger management therapist.
You have trust issues, in that your boyfriend is saying that you are cheating, because he sees bruises on you? Well, this is not good. You both need to get that resolved, maybe by talking to a therapist. You can't fight for this relationship at this point, with this going on. You need a good relationship, with problems being resolved before you can stand behind your man, imo.
That being said, you have a daughter who is 16 and a son who is 19. Your son is an adult, and as such, is at the age where he should consider his own love life his priority, not yours. As for you 16 year old daughter who is living at home and wanting to move in with her dad, presumably because you are in a relationship with a man that she doesn't approve of. You've said that your boyfriend is dealing with his own issues, with a pending divorce. If i were you, I think that as long as my child was still under the age of 18 I would not have a man who is engulfed in his own pending divorce living with my daughter, but i would not break up with him, if it is he that loves you and it is you that he loves. While i think you need to spend the next two years spending your time finishing what you started, and raising your youngest to 18, that you need also to continue being loyal (while still working on his trust issues he's having). If during the time your daughter grows to the age of 18, your relationship issues were to work out for you both, I would say that you are planning on living together when your daughter is age 18. Your son and daughter do Not need to micro manage your love life. Yes, it is difficult for kids to go through divorce, it's not ideal, but it happens. Your kids need to learn a valuable trait, and that is Live and Let Live. That we are all God's children, your boyfriend included. He and you deserve to find happiness. Your kids need to learn to live their own life, develop their own acceptance, prioritize their own education, friends, and love life. I know it is difficult to consider your boyfriend moving out for the two years until your daughter is 18 but i think it's necessary for your daughter right now. (Not your son, as he's not living with you anymore).
I would ask my son (your daughter) whether it is what they want, to have him move out until he (she) is 18. Maybe your daughter will surprise you. In the 30 or 60 days it takes for your boyfriend to find a temporary apartment, she would have time to consider what she really wants. It might be that she is not willing to be that person that micro manages her mother's love life. She might surprise you yet.
Would you daughter want to move out to her dad's regardless of whether your boyfriend moves out? This is the question i would be asking. I don't think that your having to "break up" should be on the table at all Unless his being paranoid of you cheating, is something that you are both able to put to rest permanently. As i said, that would be the deal breaker for me having a man saying that i was cheating when it was the furthest thing from my mind. Your situation is complicated as sometimes life is. I pray for your resolution and happiness. I'm here if you need a friend.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
