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Avatar universal

Do I really have a choice?

I'm hoping someone can help. It's a long story so I'll try to get to the point. About 8 months ago I got out of a 7 year relationship - my first real relationship with a girl I really loved but we really were not right for each other. I am now 6 months into a relationship with a girl who is 28 with a 2 year old baby boy. I am 26. I can't be happier and more in love. She is so perfect for me and is everything I have ever wanted in a girl. Everything! The problem is my family does not approve because she has a child. I understand the responsibility and that it WON'T be easy. I know that. I just want to be with her so bad. My mom cries everyday, my dad had to go to a psychiatrist and my everyone says I have blinders on and am making a bad decision. Nobody will even give her a chance. I love my mom and my family so much and would do anything for them...anything! I am so happy though and don't want to leave my girlfriend and it's really tearing me apart that my family won't approve. I haven't talked to my mom in 2 weeks. I'm Italian and the youngest in my family so you can understand how close I am to my family. They've already expressed that they will never approve and won't ever even give it a chance. What do I do? I'm so happy and want to be with my girlfriend so badly but it kills me to see my mom so upset and I feel like I'm making everything so bad right now Do I just end it with my girl? I've tried explaining everything to my parents but they just refuse to understand and will not approve. Yeah, I thought about it before pursuing anything with her but I couldn't help how I felt about her and how perfect we are for eachother. I feel like I'm being guilted into breaking up with her by my entire family. They think she is not right because she has a child with another man and that that says a lot about her. My brothers understand that I will do what I want but they don't really support me. Nobody has my back which doesn't help in trying to help my parents understand. They are very old fashioned and have a specific view of how things should be. I guess I'm just venting but at the same time "hoping" someone can somehow help me. What do I do?
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Avatar universal
you're 26, thats old enough to make your own decisions..its your life dude
Helpful - 0
177641 tn?1189755837
Some people have it in them to go against their family, and some don't. Make sure you know yourself well with respect to this if you decide to stick with this girl. I've known people who cracked under their parent's pressure and realized that their parents' wishes came first. But I've also seen amazing relationships where the partnership is strong and they have not backed down.

Your situation reminds me of a couple - his family is taiwanese non-english speaking, hers is persian non-english. After five years of dating their parents finally agreed to meet and acknowledge the relationship (they've had their engagement party and are getting married next summer). It's been a rocky road, but this couple has fought for acceptance. It is possible, but be prepared because it won't be easy.
Helpful - 0
310072 tn?1209731752
I went to counseling for over a year and one of the many things I learned is, that if you are happy in a relationship then the people who love you will be happy for you. Now, if you are going to your mother and telling her the bad things about this woman then naturally you can not expect her to be happy for you. I will say that it is almost impossible to find someone male or female over 25 that does not have children already. Most people that age (sad to say) that are dating, have already been married and divorced. When my husband and I met, he already had two children from his first marriage and I already had one from a previous marriage. Then we had a baby together. Talk about a blended family, huh? Italian or not, if you love this girl and she makes you that happy, what else matters? Would you rather be miserable with an italian woman or happy with anothe woman? Trust me on this, your mother will eventually get over it. YOU just have to make YOUR OWN decision because at the end of the day, you'll be sharing your intimacy with your spouse, not your mother.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think your mom doesn't want you to marry her b/c she's not Italian and she has a baby out of wedlock.  In a really traditional Italian family, the mother's rule goes.  She could be looking at your gf as there is something wrong with her for not marrying the babies father and maybe she is just using you to take care of her.  Your mom doesn't want you to get used.  Unfortunately, your moms opinion is not going to change.  Right now you say you love this girl and she's great, but I'm sure there are some pretty big differences - culture, religion, family-wise.  You are probably better off with a nice Italian girl that knows how to fit in with your family.  I'm not saying that your current gf isn't a good person, but fitting in with a family like that takes a certain amount of strength and willingness to follow tradition.  When you get married, you also marry the family of your spouse.  I'm sorry but in these cases, it usually doesn't change where the mother will suddenly accept a daughter-in-law like your gf.  And for you to go outside and try to marry your gf on your own, you will lose your family.  It will be good for a while but then you'll start to resent her and maybe by then you'll have children with her and it will be harder to get out. In the end, you've got to decide whether it's all worth it or not.  I wish you luck b/c this is hard one.
Helpful - 0
13167 tn?1327194124
It's interesting that your family was supportive of a 7 year relationship that didn't end in marriage,  considering their conservative feelings.  What did our family think of this extreme dragging of  your heels?

Honestly, this whole thing is a puzzle.  They waited and waited and waited and waited and waited for you to commit to this one woman,  and you didn't do it.

Is there something other than the fact that this other woman has a child,  that makes her inappropriate for you, in the eyes of your family?  Don't answer this right away,  think a bit on it to reflect.  Is she not eductated,  or does she not behave nicely in social situations,  etc?
Helpful - 0
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