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Avatar universal

Do all men have trouble talking about their feelings?

Me and my husband been married for 5yrs the communication is good in financial wise, kids related decisions  or just regular basis things we like to share here and there things that we like and dont like if its from each others attitudes or sexual or etc but my concern or question is when it comes to him being upset about something that happened to him or some relative got him mad or hurt his feelings he dont like to talk about it anf share his thoughts or how hes feeling I dont understand why if I share my feelings with him when am feeling sad or mad at somebody. So why do ya think that he might not like sharing his feelings with me?
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Avatar universal
Thanks everyones answers were great advice
He is the type that he likes to vent or process at his own pace and if he wants to talk about it he will when hes ready so I've learned to respect that and with the issue from the previous question I just let it go but did let him know that I will always be there for him and that he was our everything! (Our=me & our kids)
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Avatar universal
I think everyone has given good advice.  That being said,

I think I understood Your original post to say that there IS good communication and sharing between You and Your Husband as regards Your personal situation and life:

You said it's good as regards "financial, kid related decisions, regular basis things, things You like and don't like from each others attitudes, or sexual"

That pretty much covers everything that would concern You as a Couple and/or as a Family.  If You can talk with one another about things You "don't like from each others attitudes" and "sexual things"  I'm thinking You're putting too much in wanting Him to talk about things He may not want to talk about; as if You're making a bigger deal out of these particular "things" than He wants to make.  He may just really feel it's 'no big deal' and prefers to move on in His own way.  Maybe it just doesn't warrant discussion in His mind.  

I still think You should probably leave it alone.  It doesn't really sound to me like He's 'witholding'.  If He wants to 'shrug it off', well, that might be a good thing; better than "making mountains out of mole hills"

It doesn't sound like You have a communication 'problem' with Your Husband.

(and everyone who tells You that Men and Women are wired differently is ABSOLUTELY correct.  This happens to be a good example of that.  Women want to talk EVERYTHING to death and Men want to 'handle' things in Their own way.  Sometimes We should be grateful for the differences between Man and Woman.  I would bet You think this is a bigger issue than He thinks it is)
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7052037 tn?1389027909
Yes, and I don't want to talk about it. :-)
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Avatar universal
Well, men and women can definitely be different in how they handle their emotions, and I know it can be frustrating as a wife to feel like your husband isn't sharing his heart with you. But, I think to a certain extent, we have to accept the that we all process things differently and have different personality types.

However, I don't think it would hurt to sit down with your husband and let him know that you want to be there for him and know what's going on his head. Or, perhaps even consider getting involved in some marital counseling. I know that can go a long way towards helping husbands and wives communicate better.

Lastly, you also may want to look into some resources that talk about the way men think and understanding them better. I know of one called Getting Your Husband to Talk to You: Secrets to Helping Him Share His Heart by Bob and Cheryl Moeller that might be helpful. I'm sure you could find it online or at the library-just a thought.

Well, don't give up hope here. You'll be in my prayers!
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3149845 tn?1506627771
It could be the way you respond to him when he brings up issues. Ive noticed that men tend to  want to just talk without resolving things and the women keep the issue going and end up blaming the man. I think if the wife justs listens without creating drama, the man would open up more.
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Avatar universal
I've experienced both types of guys in my relationships. The one type never shared their feelings when they would get upset over something and as a result it made it harder for me to help with advise or for them to vent. The other type would share their feelings with me and we were better able to communicate whenever things were upsetting. But I also had one boyfriend who was overly emotional and would cry about the dumbest little things. He was a big guy too, over 6 feet tall and like 300 lbs so he was this big teddy bear of a guy. And it was weird to see him cry like a baby over the smallest little things! For me it really ruined my perception of him as the big strong protector. But he was also the youngest in his family and they treated him like the baby his whole life. We're not together anymore and it's mostly due to his excessive emotions.

So it goes both ways. Too much is bad but so is too little. And it's hard to find a guy who is balanced in the feelings department because society is pretty brutal about how they portray guys with feelings. When boys grow up thinking it's not ok to share their feelings, it becomes a habit and it's really hard for them to ever feel comfortable sharing their feelings.

With your husband, I think that all you can do is tell him it's ok to share his feelings with you because you're not going to judge him, you just want to be there for him to vent his thoughts. He may refuse and you should probably expect that. But in that case tell him, it's ok but you just wanted to let him know that you're always open to being his sounding board for his thoughts and if he ever wants to unburden himself then he can always count on you. And you can also throw in there how much it always helps you to be able to vent to him and how much his listening or his advice has made a huge difference and helped you tremendously. Let him know it's a positive experience and hope he'll come around. If not, well, it is what it is.
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Avatar universal
It sounds like You are taking this as a personal affront and probably You shouldn't

You "share Your feelings with Him when You're mad at somebody" so You "don't understand why He doesn't" -

but You also say the communication/sharing  is good in all other areas that pertain to Yours and His Relationship.  So maybe this is just His way of 'dealing' with other things and it has nothing to do with Your personal relationship.  Maybe He feels like He doesn't want to 'sweat the small stuff' ...and maybe You shouldn't either.  

GoodLuck
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  I agree with nighthawk.  We have patterns that we witness as kids and things that are taught to us that become our own patterns as adults.  Perhaps talking about someone that he is angry with feels like he is being disloyal so he avoids it.  Perhaps he doesn't like to dwell on it.  Perhaps he is processing it himself and doesn't want to talk while he is doing that.  ???  

I've learned in my marriage that my husband WILL open up and talk about things but he really doesn't want it to be a two way conversation.  If he is upset with a family member for example, he may just want to share it without my adding fuel to the fire.  So, I've learned to let him talk if he needs to but not to chime in as much as is my nature.  

Maybe some nonthreatening questions about what is going on would help open him up.  Such as when he is having an issue with his brother (or someone) --  you could ask him "how do you feel about that?"  and then just listen without any comments.  And even asking him to share a bit more so you can know what is going on with him is possibly helpful.  

good luck
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
Welcome to Medhelp!!!

It could be that not complaining about his feelings may be hardwired into him, like his parents taught him stay "tough" and suck it up,. always be THE MAN. He may have been taught If you can't say something nice about someone, say nothing at all."  or to "turn the other cheek".

It might be by not admitting that someone has hurt him, lessens the hurt, thinking that the sooner he forgets about it, by not rehashing it, the better.

For whatever the reason, you seem to know when he has been hurt, so it appears he may be opening up to you about hurtful incidents that have happened to him.

My husband sounds like yours. In the beginning of our time together, Like his Guardian Ad Litem, I became quick to pick up on and expose situations and persons that were clearly disrespecting him. And it irked me, like it sounds like it irks you.

Over the years, I have learned from him to turn the other cheek. He taught me that it's okay  to walk away from the drama of unsatisfactory communication, and not always bristle for the fight. Whenever either of us are hurt, we have the other to help find closure. Just saying, "I'm so sorry this has happened" and give a kiss and hug, a special meal. to let your husband know that he is loved and the king of his castle makes up for just about anything gong on outside of your immediate family.

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