Do people need a reason to not like you?

[tigercity]

There's a girl that I met a few months ago, she was in a class with me and on the first day we had a really long and interesting conversation, and I thought we really hit it off. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I might have mentioned my manic episode and subsequent hospitalization, but that was only because the conversation strayed there and we were both being very open about stuff. She told me some of her stuff too, actually, so I know that this is not the reason for...this:
Now, she is very dismissive of me. I try to talk to her, and she bluntly answers questions and then walks away or purposely turns around to talk to whoever else is there.
She and I both applied to switch majors. Today on chat I asked her if she had gotten in, and as usual, she answered my questions curtly, and even said things like yyeeeaaahhh' instead of just 'yeah', which made me think she was trying to hint at a certain condescending tone. When I said I might see her around, she said 'mayy be'. I stopped talking to her then, but I still feel really bad about it.
I really liked her that first conversation we had, and I honestly thought we could have been good friends.
Why do you think she doesn't like me?

[brice1967]

Sorry that I missed the fact that you are a girl.... with that being the case though, the same information will work.  Within any relationship/friendship, there has to be communication.  It has to be clear, effective, and concise.  When communicating, it is all too important to make clear exactly what you are saying.  You cannot leave potential gaps where the person in whom you are speaking too can fill in the gaps.... that gives them the impression they want rather than what you want.

And honestly, why is this relationship so important to you?  Everything I said still pertains to this situation.

[louise96]

There is no way to know without asking her, however, is it really worth the hassle?

I'd advise to simply forget about it, it's not like you've lost a lifelong friend, it's a person you had one conversation with - albeit a seemingly meaningful one.

[specialmom]

Oh wow.  I totally didn't catch that------------  I too was thinking you were a male and this was a female you were interested in dating.  

Okay, well-----------  I would still give my same advice.  

I do think sometimes we can give off a 'vibe' that others read and interpret.  Sometimes they are dead right and sometimes they are dead wrong.  But I know that I try to ignore my initial vibe that I get from someone because they can turn out to be quite different than I initially perceive them.  There are other times that I got a good understanding as to whether we would really click or not in our first time being together.  There really are some people that give me no real reason to dislike them but initially, I just don't like their vibe------ and hang back from them.  Hasn't this ever happened to you?  

There is a lady that is the mother of one of the kids in my son's swim lessons.  From her voice, to her bragging about her kids, to her know it all attitude----------- ugh.  I've avoided her.  We've sat for a half hour in the same place all year.  Then this last swim lesson I mentioned my son's developmental delay.  She has a daughter with a rare disorder.  We talked and talked and she gave me some great advice.  So-------------- this is my point. Those initial vibes can be wrong.  But they exist.  

Last, maybe she has a lot going on in her life.  She's got no energy for a new friendship.  She's not emotionally invested in having met you and isn't really thinking too much about it.  You've gotten more emotionally invested.  But she is just not really looking for a new great girlfriend right now (possibly).  Maybe she's just got some things going on and can't add anyone else in.  

I don't know.  Thinking out loud.  

[tigercity]

Hi,
I am a girl, not a lesbian, and I was just talking about her as a friend, not as a potential girlfriend.

[brice1967]

It's really hard to say why she may not like you.  From what you've explained, it is hard to say that she doesn't.  It might be a fair to assume that she may believe that you are not "boyfriend material", and if that's the case for her, you certainly don't want to waste time chasing someone around who's just not interested.

With that said, she may be playing hard to get.  There is a sure fire way to get to the bottom of this though.  Ask her?  Just say that the conversation you shared seemed a bit intimate and ask if she felt or feels those feelings..... the worst she can say is no, right?  If that's the case, you know exactly where you stand and can still remain friendly... no big deal.  If she says she is playing hard to get, let her know that you'd appreciate her being forthright and then take her for coffee or something so you two can be alone, but in public.  (So she doesn't think you are a psycho-stalker)  From this point you can nurse the relationship along.

And just an observation man, and I mean no disrespect.  You seem a bit needy and or insecure.  You're a young man and there's a whole life in front of you.  And I totally get being a bit insecure.  (I am 44 and am insecure about things at times.... ain't that a *****?)  Now, I've been out of the dating game for a long time.  I've been married for almost 20 years, but what I remember about girls is, they really don't look for needy in general.  And the ones that go for needy guys do all they can to mold them into completely different people than they really are.  (That *****, because you are you.)

It's tough to sit and self judge.  If you're anything like me, you are probably your harshest critic, but take a good look at yourself.  Whatever your weaker points are, you can always improve upon.  I mean nothing by this example, but check this out.... perhaps you're a bit shy, but you over-compensate by being too talkative around women.  The idea here is to find what the weak point is.... being shy or overcompensating or both..... probably both in the instance.  What can you do to avoid this?  Being shy, just start talking to more people with no intentions.  Don't be a creeper or anything.  Simple thing like passing on campus and saying "what's happening" to someone who looks friendly or is having a good day.  Someone smiles at you, smile back... but make these type of things a conscious effort.

And back to the conversation you had with this girl and kind of "spilled the beans" about a manic episode.... the damage might already be done.  If thats the case, there are a few things you should have learned.  #1.  Keep items that personal to yourself for a while.  A life story right off the bat might be a bit too much to digest.... put yourself in the other shoes.  #2.  See a professional about your manic episode if you're not already, and incorporate this issue into that.

Everything we do, we are supposed to learn something.  I make it a point to come away from every situation with some new knowledge.... often it is about myself.... sometimes it stings a little bit, but can now be worked on.

Really, seek out a good counselor for your issues if you haven't already and read up on your diagnosis.  The more you know about it, the more you'll know about you.  Listen to your body and your mind, as they are often the best guides for what ails us.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Ugh.  Well,  I personally wouldn't ask her anything and just move on. Lesson learned---------  no matter how well the first few conversations go, we do not need to reveal 'everything' about ourself.  

You told her of a psychiatric concern that required hospitalization.  Nothing to be ashamed of but honestly, before getting to know someone very well  . . . it could make them question your stability now.  I know you are stable and have been treated but most likely will always have to be on top of your emotional health, right?  That might be more than someone you just met wants to jump into.  

So, I'd reserve that conversation until after someone is 'dating' you and has been for a bit of time.

Leave her alone and move on.  Good luck

[teko]

I would quit wasting my time in procrastinating about it and simply ask her. It could be without realizing it that you are acting weird to her as well. Serious conversations about such things should really be reserved for those you know well enough not to reject you because of them or hold them over your head. Sometimes when we share very personal stuff with someone we barely know it causes awkwardness. If things dont change, leave it and find other friends as she is not worth your effort.

[perch101]

Really hard to say..... but if you were both talking about personal issues and she also revealed personal things I wouldn't have thought it was because you spoke of your hospitalisation. When you mentioned that in your first conversation - how did she look then? Did she look normal and the conversation ended fine - or did she look a bit shocked and unsettled? Her reaction at the time you said it will tell you the most.

Would you be able to say (in a casual tone, not in a heavy way) that you have noticed she seems a bit upset/weird towrds you, have you done/said anythink to annoy her? She may tell you why and you can clear it up. However, if she gives you nothing and continues to act this way, I'd personally back right off and don't initiate conversation/chat  with her. Who knows, since you don't know her that well she may just be like that with lots of people and thats her personality.

Good luck!