Aa
Do you get over you AP
This summer I had a two month long A. It was intense, romantic, awesome on soo many levels. WE ended up discussing finances life etc. I ended up leaving my husband for my OM but my OM changed his mind last second when his W told him she loved him and wanted him to stay.
My H then asked me home and I moved home after about a month (we have 3 small children and we were sharing custody over this period).
We have since been working on our marriage and trying to figure it all out.
I still think about my AP every single day...and I guess because I didn't call it off I find it even harder.
I just want to know that the love I once had for my H will return......
My H then asked me home and I moved home after about a month (we have 3 small children and we were sharing custody over this period).
We have since been working on our marriage and trying to figure it all out.
I still think about my AP every single day...and I guess because I didn't call it off I find it even harder.
I just want to know that the love I once had for my H will return......
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think it can take time to get over a situation like this. Certainly on your husband's end but also on yours as well. Give yourself time dear. I hope that you move past this and that this situation will actually end up opening some doors that will end up making your relationship with your husband better and closer. Good luck and let us know how it goes. Peace
Because You asked me specifically -
I will say that I believe whether One cheats on a marriage or not, comes down to One's Values, Morals, AND Character.
Although I know for a FACT that some of Us would NEVER cheat, I will SUPPOSE it's POSSIBLE that a ONE TIME cheater MIGHT never cheat again. I do think it's good that You made "full disclosure" to Your H (husband?) but that doesn't "exactly" get You "off the hook" as far as Your H (husband?) personal Faith, Belief and Security in You is concerned.
Even when a Marriage "survives" infidelity, the infidelity has FOREVER changed the "bond" that He once felt He had with You.
(just my opinion - but remember, You asked)
I DO wish You luck in putting it back together with Your H (husband?) and ALSO for the sake of Your "3 Small Children".
Regards,
Tink
(
I will say that I believe whether One cheats on a marriage or not, comes down to One's Values, Morals, AND Character.
Although I know for a FACT that some of Us would NEVER cheat, I will SUPPOSE it's POSSIBLE that a ONE TIME cheater MIGHT never cheat again. I do think it's good that You made "full disclosure" to Your H (husband?) but that doesn't "exactly" get You "off the hook" as far as Your H (husband?) personal Faith, Belief and Security in You is concerned.
Even when a Marriage "survives" infidelity, the infidelity has FOREVER changed the "bond" that He once felt He had with You.
(just my opinion - but remember, You asked)
I DO wish You luck in putting it back together with Your H (husband?) and ALSO for the sake of Your "3 Small Children".
Regards,
Tink
(
I guess the other problem is too that people say he did it once and he will do it again - Does that ring true for me too? Thats scary as well. I guess I did full disclosure with my H and I am very well aware that the same did not happen with the OM and his W.
I actually saw them 1.5 months agp - they showed up at MY KIDS SKATING to see if they wanted to put their kids in as well - they totally knew I would be there - ridiculous!
I wish we didn't live in such a small town
I actually saw them 1.5 months agp - they showed up at MY KIDS SKATING to see if they wanted to put their kids in as well - they totally knew I would be there - ridiculous!
I wish we didn't live in such a small town
My H and I have done couples counselling and I have as well done IC to work through issues.
We are doing better - I just wish I didn't think about the OM soo much
We are doing better - I just wish I didn't think about the OM soo much
RockRose,
OMGolly. I'm the same as You!! Neither do I know AP or OM or much of the abbreviated lingo we see on here often. I was able to figure what was going on but I so wish People would save the texting abbeviations for when They are texting. (something I don't do by the way which is probably why I don't get what They are sometimes saying here)
OMGolly. I'm the same as You!! Neither do I know AP or OM or much of the abbreviated lingo we see on here often. I was able to figure what was going on but I so wish People would save the texting abbeviations for when They are texting. (something I don't do by the way which is probably why I don't get what They are sometimes saying here)
I guess I'm handicapped here, I don't know what AP or OM means.
On the other hand, when I had young kids I was so completely involved with the kids, and other moms with kids, that was my total life. I can't imagine finding time for some other man - and somehow finding child care for my children while I had an extramarital affair with some other man in between making dinner, arranging play dates, and making sure the kids napped.
On the other hand, when I had young kids I was so completely involved with the kids, and other moms with kids, that was my total life. I can't imagine finding time for some other man - and somehow finding child care for my children while I had an extramarital affair with some other man in between making dinner, arranging play dates, and making sure the kids napped.
Ditto EVERY word from SpecialMom.
Those 3 small Children should be priority and Children need Their Mommy and Daddy as a Family Unit. You once loved Your Husband, You loved Him enough to make 3 Babies with Him and if You try, really try, then I think You can love Him again.
As much as You may fantasize about Your lover, I too think You would be suspicious of One Another. He left His Wife for You and then Left You for His Wife. I wouldn't place any bets on His sincerity.
Those 3 small Children should be priority and Children need Their Mommy and Daddy as a Family Unit. You once loved Your Husband, You loved Him enough to make 3 Babies with Him and if You try, really try, then I think You can love Him again.
As much as You may fantasize about Your lover, I too think You would be suspicious of One Another. He left His Wife for You and then Left You for His Wife. I wouldn't place any bets on His sincerity.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Well, this sounds like a rough holiday season for you with many confusing emotions.
My thought is that you and your husband need to be seeing a therapist and I hope you've started doing that. Not only to work on the hurt of the affair but also the issues that were present in your marriage that allowed you to take that step outside of marriage to engage in an affair.
And if you determine that the affair took place due to some internal issues you have such as need for attention, seeking of thrill, depression, etc.-- a therapist on your own may be beneficial as well.
Rejection hurts and human nature makes us think more of the situation when we were rejected than if we leave. But, the bottom line is he loves his wife and wanted to stay wtih her. Thinking about him should include that as well as he is of low character to have cheated on his wife. This means that he would do the exact same thing to you should you have ended up together. Yes, you cheated as well and he could make that same argument about you---- so there would always be trust issues between the two of you. That is why almost all relationships that start through infidelity fail. You'd be setting yourself up for heartache and failure to be with him. Not worth it.
so, try to figure out what would make your marriage better with your husband and try to reconnect. I do wish you luck. But when there is a will there is a way. best wishes and peace
My thought is that you and your husband need to be seeing a therapist and I hope you've started doing that. Not only to work on the hurt of the affair but also the issues that were present in your marriage that allowed you to take that step outside of marriage to engage in an affair.
And if you determine that the affair took place due to some internal issues you have such as need for attention, seeking of thrill, depression, etc.-- a therapist on your own may be beneficial as well.
Rejection hurts and human nature makes us think more of the situation when we were rejected than if we leave. But, the bottom line is he loves his wife and wanted to stay wtih her. Thinking about him should include that as well as he is of low character to have cheated on his wife. This means that he would do the exact same thing to you should you have ended up together. Yes, you cheated as well and he could make that same argument about you---- so there would always be trust issues between the two of you. That is why almost all relationships that start through infidelity fail. You'd be setting yourself up for heartache and failure to be with him. Not worth it.
so, try to figure out what would make your marriage better with your husband and try to reconnect. I do wish you luck. But when there is a will there is a way. best wishes and peace
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