Aa
Does he still loce her?
I'm very concerned with what I am going to post because I love him with all my heart. We've been together for more than three years and planning on getting married. He has plans for us. We have no kids. Ok here is the story:
My boyfriend had an affair with a married woman way before being with me. Of course he fell for her and they even spoke about moving together once. That did not happen. They were together for almost two years. Before becoming my bf, we talked a lot about our previous relationships. He told me he had cried for her many times, he even bought her some teddy bears, they would sleep together in a hotel room every once in a while etc. They would fight a lot maybe because they were different and also because of the fact that she was already taken. But he really fell for her. Big Mistake!!
The thing is that she stills calls him and what bothers me is that he still answers the phone. One day she called him and he was busy, so he said he was going to call her back and so he did (grrrrr). My question is why did he call her back? I do not think that they have anything else to talk about. Sometimes he mentions things that I already know has to do with her and it makes me wonder whether he misses her or something.
Now, he has proved to everybody, my parents, and to me that he loves me. He is always there for me, always listening, always concerned with my problems and trying to help me. He is an extremely supportive guy. one day I was going to break up with him and he acted like he cared, he basically begged for me to get back with him. ("baby please don't leave me") crying with tears in his eyes and I know he is not a phony. He says I'm his everything, the woman of his dreams...etc. We never fight, he always pleases me and there are no problems intimatelly, we click.
Am I being too drastic? Am I wasting my time worrying too much about this woman? I am not a jealous woman, however this issue has got me thinking about my life with him. I really do not want any shadows (past or present memories of another woman) in my life. I did not say anything this time. Next time I will seriously talk to him and tell him it is not ok to talk to your ex mostly when you know she wants to come back and you have a fiance. Should I forget about this? Should I talk to him now? this happened last year so should I wait for it to happen again? I cannot stop thinking about this.....it makes me very angry....
My boyfriend had an affair with a married woman way before being with me. Of course he fell for her and they even spoke about moving together once. That did not happen. They were together for almost two years. Before becoming my bf, we talked a lot about our previous relationships. He told me he had cried for her many times, he even bought her some teddy bears, they would sleep together in a hotel room every once in a while etc. They would fight a lot maybe because they were different and also because of the fact that she was already taken. But he really fell for her. Big Mistake!!
The thing is that she stills calls him and what bothers me is that he still answers the phone. One day she called him and he was busy, so he said he was going to call her back and so he did (grrrrr). My question is why did he call her back? I do not think that they have anything else to talk about. Sometimes he mentions things that I already know has to do with her and it makes me wonder whether he misses her or something.
Now, he has proved to everybody, my parents, and to me that he loves me. He is always there for me, always listening, always concerned with my problems and trying to help me. He is an extremely supportive guy. one day I was going to break up with him and he acted like he cared, he basically begged for me to get back with him. ("baby please don't leave me") crying with tears in his eyes and I know he is not a phony. He says I'm his everything, the woman of his dreams...etc. We never fight, he always pleases me and there are no problems intimatelly, we click.
Am I being too drastic? Am I wasting my time worrying too much about this woman? I am not a jealous woman, however this issue has got me thinking about my life with him. I really do not want any shadows (past or present memories of another woman) in my life. I did not say anything this time. Next time I will seriously talk to him and tell him it is not ok to talk to your ex mostly when you know she wants to come back and you have a fiance. Should I forget about this? Should I talk to him now? this happened last year so should I wait for it to happen again? I cannot stop thinking about this.....it makes me very angry....
You need to ask him to clarify his relationship with this other woman. Does he still have feelings for her?
And I sort of feel that once a cheater, always a cheater.
And I sort of feel that once a cheater, always a cheater.
If you feel like he isn't over this woman he most likely isn't. Your instincts are usually right. I wouldn't want my boyfriend speaking with his ex if there really isn't any reason for it. I mean they don't have kids together and she's still married right? Really, what could they possibly have to say to each other? It's her or you. Your worth so much more than this.
Thank you very much guys. I have to definitely talk to him about this. We've been having some family issues and I cannot find the right time; but I'll talk to him about this and see what happens. I do not see the reason why he should be answering her phone calls if he says he loves me. I do not think there is friendship involved here. They cannot be friends because they once loved each other or liked each other very intensely and she stills calls him and asks him if he is still with me.
Like I said before, they never told each other that it was best to split up. He just stopped calling her and talking to her and that's how they broke up. Then years later she started calling him again but this time he had me by his side. Sometimes I do not even know whether he is telling me this because he has nothing to hide and his intentions are actually to tell me everything that happens in his life or if it's just because he cannot help the fact that he still likes her and has to talk about her and her calls. I do not know what to think. In my life, I'm the only one with this idea that he still likes her. Everybody else, including my close friends and parents think otherwise. His mother even told me that this woman calls the house whenever he doesn't answer his cell and that makes her (his mom) very upset because she actually never liked this lady. His mom once told me, with both her hands on top of mine, she had never seen his son so much in love as he is with me. I honestly am sooo confused it's not even funny. The only thing I know is that this has got me thinking a lot about our future and the only thing I get from it is sadness and recentment.
I honeslty agree with rock rose about getting married to him. Thank you guys.
Like I said before, they never told each other that it was best to split up. He just stopped calling her and talking to her and that's how they broke up. Then years later she started calling him again but this time he had me by his side. Sometimes I do not even know whether he is telling me this because he has nothing to hide and his intentions are actually to tell me everything that happens in his life or if it's just because he cannot help the fact that he still likes her and has to talk about her and her calls. I do not know what to think. In my life, I'm the only one with this idea that he still likes her. Everybody else, including my close friends and parents think otherwise. His mother even told me that this woman calls the house whenever he doesn't answer his cell and that makes her (his mom) very upset because she actually never liked this lady. His mom once told me, with both her hands on top of mine, she had never seen his son so much in love as he is with me. I honestly am sooo confused it's not even funny. The only thing I know is that this has got me thinking a lot about our future and the only thing I get from it is sadness and recentment.
I honeslty agree with rock rose about getting married to him. Thank you guys.
Like RockRose said he did sleep with a married woman - this is a bit different then my sisuation with my ex. RockRoase is right!!
I still talk to my ex-boyfriend and call him all the time on the phone and it has been about four years since we have broken up. Granted he does not have a girlfriend and if he did, I am sure that he wouldn't do half the things he still does for me. I always called him even when I had a boyfriend and yes, they would get upset, but he is a real good friend of mine and I work with him. The only difference with this woman you are talking about is she is married. I think it could be just friendly talking - maybe. But I don't think it is good if it is hurting you - like the other posters said talk to him - find out why he talks to her. I think since she is married she should be talking to her husband and not your boyfriend. It could be just friends talking. When I talk with my ex it is never about anything more then what friends would talk about.
I would be VERY concerned about marrying a man who had a two year sexual affair with a married woman. Personally, I don't want a guy who would sneak around like that - I want a guy who is looking for an honest open available woman.
You can take that advice or leave it. I dated guys ages ago who think lying and sneaking around is sexy, and I dated guys who think that is disgusting and would never consider doing that. They're better. ;D
You can take that advice or leave it. I dated guys ages ago who think lying and sneaking around is sexy, and I dated guys who think that is disgusting and would never consider doing that. They're better. ;D
When I was dating my husband, his ex Gf would call him sometimes for stupidest things. They had broken up many years before me, but she still called once in a while. I was very angry with him. I had a long talk with him and made it clear that this bothers me. Next time when she called, he told her that he is engaged to me and he is very happy, please dont call again. She never called after that. Maybe you need to tell him how much this bothers you. Good luck.
Definitely talk to him about it - at least to communicate that it is bothering you. If he is committed to you and admit to feeling trapped in this quasi-relationship with the ex, talk to him about confronting this woman and making the breakup real. Then he will be able to close the door and move on with some sense of resolution. It will not be easy, but for you two, it will probably be a step in the right direction. Just an idea.
Thank you very much for you comment. I honestly appreciate your help. When I mentioned the fact that we never fight was just a way of saying that we get along pretty well. Sorry if I did not make myself clear. Of course we have our little arguments every once in a while. However, we have never broken up nor have we ever got into a serious argument. Perhaps because we do not live together.
She did not break up with him, he was the one who never ever called her again and that is how they broke up so basically they did not talk about a break-up. See? that is another point. They never talked about a break up, not that I know of. I just know what he has told me. So what do you think? Should I give him his own space? Should I leave him? I honestly do not want to talk to him about this because this happened last year but I am almost 100% sure she still calls him and he answers. I should have spoken with him the minute he told me about that phone call.
I agree with you. I, too, believe he still feels for her and he is not over what happened between them. I honeslty am extremely hurt and the worse thing is that he ignores it, doesn't know how I feel, which I know is not healthy either.I love him to death but I am not willing to put up with this.
She did not break up with him, he was the one who never ever called her again and that is how they broke up so basically they did not talk about a break-up. See? that is another point. They never talked about a break up, not that I know of. I just know what he has told me. So what do you think? Should I give him his own space? Should I leave him? I honestly do not want to talk to him about this because this happened last year but I am almost 100% sure she still calls him and he answers. I should have spoken with him the minute he told me about that phone call.
I agree with you. I, too, believe he still feels for her and he is not over what happened between them. I honeslty am extremely hurt and the worse thing is that he ignores it, doesn't know how I feel, which I know is not healthy either.I love him to death but I am not willing to put up with this.
I don't think your boyfriend is being honest - with you or himself. He hasn`t moved beyond her, and he`s afraid of being rejected/abandoned again. The fact that you guys NEVER fight isn`t a healthy sign. All couples have little fights; nobody is THAT perfect for each other. I would be afraid that this guy is going along with what you say/decide because he is afraid you`ll leave.
Push come to shove, he needs to put his foot down with this ex - especially if it`s making you uncomfortable. I wouldn`t be surprised that if his ex called him to come back to her, you would both wind up very hurt in the process. Sorry if this sounds judgmental, but I hope it`s helpful. Good luck!
Push come to shove, he needs to put his foot down with this ex - especially if it`s making you uncomfortable. I wouldn`t be surprised that if his ex called him to come back to her, you would both wind up very hurt in the process. Sorry if this sounds judgmental, but I hope it`s helpful. Good luck!
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