Extremely Confused

[Tricia2812]

I have a huge dilemma in my life right now, and I really need some advice. I met my now fiancé 9 months ago. We got engaged after 4 months. I know that's super early, but it felt so right. My family was ok with it, so it was all fine. We've had a lot or rocky times since then. Fights, etc etc. I've had a bad past with relationships, so I'm a bit scarred. Anyways, my fiancé has 2 kids. They at the time lived in another state. Well here we are in January of 2012, and we are 5 1/2 months away from our wedding, and just 3 weeks ago his 2 kids ages 5&6 moved in with us. It seems right now it's only a temporary situation.

At the beginning, I was over the moon excited about them coming. I was so happy. I quit my job to stay at home with them. Something I've always wanted to do. But now. Im just so incredibly overwhelmed. I don't have any kids of my own, but I just never thought I'd feel the way I do. It's terrible. I'm questioning my future marriage with my fiancé, as well as being a step mom to these kids. They already call me mommy and it just makes me fel numb.

I've been thinking so much about my ex, and how much I miss the life we had. It was a lot of bad times, but when things were good, they were good. It was an easy life. No kids. Just us. I'm thinking about it all at this second, and I just want to run back to my ex.

My family loves my fiancé and his kids so very very much. It's nice to see them react with the kids. My parents love being grandparents.

I'm just do confused. Ivectold my fiancé how I feel and he's vowed to make sure I feel good etc etc. I didn't tell him about my ex of course, but I told him how I feel overwhelmed etc.

Please help with any advice. A part of me doesn't want to leave my fiancé, because I know he does love me. But I'm just so confused. I've been in a medication for the last 6 months that has a side effect of depression and mood swings, so I stopped them yesterday. So hopefully that will help. We will see.

Please help me. I'm desperate for advice.

Thank you.

[specialmom]

Sometimes things that start off looking too perfect are substantially flawed.  I'm glad your mother is supportive but this is about you being able to say that you can't handle this.  

I think that your boyfriend has a character flaw as does his ex wife.  He doesn't want to take care of his kids himself and has you doing it and the ex doesn't want them either.  These are the types of people you read about  in bad novels.  Selfish and irresponsible.  

Your boyfriend should look a lot less perfect or even desirable in your eyes after this.

It is okay to say that this situation isn't right for you.  good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

I can't think of much more advice anyone can give You.  Everyone here votes for You to move on yet You continue to express the same concerns in each post regarding Your emotional/mental health:

You've said You're "broken",
You've said You "want out",
You've said You "can't deal with it",
You've said You're "losing it", etc., etc.

This is pretty strong language.  If You won't listen to the posters here, perhaps You should listen to YourSelf!!  The parents seem not to measure up for these kids either. You've expressed a couple of times how much Your Mother loves these kids - (as if that's reason You should stay??)maybe She should take them and save You the nervous breakdown You may be headed for.

[Tricia2812]

I have never been in a situation like this before. This is the first relationship I've been in, that happened this fast. My mother loves those kids very much. She fell in love with them right away. She said she would support me with whatever way I decide to go. I just know that about her. She is always there anytime I need her. She would take my side over anybody. I just know she doesn't want to see this relationship go. She loves my fiancé like her own son. And she loves those kids more than anything. And yes. She did say not to make any decisions until I actually figure out the best thing to do.

And I do have a therapy appt next week. I'm glad I'll be able to fiona.ly talk to someone about this. I need some advie very bad.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Are You sure You've been straightforward with Your Mother about this situation?  I agree with Londres70 - one would expect Your Mother to be supportive if You've been straight with Her.  Your emotional and mental health is much more important than any dollars already spent toward a wedding that obviously should not take place - any loving Mother would agree!!  I'm sure Your parents would rather see the wedding called off than to see a divorce or an emotional/mental breakdown in the future.  You're saying NOW that You "can't deal with this anymore" and  "I'm about to lose it......"  

Don't make matters worse by adding a wedding/marriage to this mix.

Don't feel guilt for backing out on this.  This is more than most anyone would be willing to take on.  To go forward would be very foolish.

[Londres70]

You need to get out of there and then call CPS.  

Do you have any friends who you can stay with?  Can you get your old position back at all?

You have NO savings?  Nothing?  

What do you mean your mother is acting like she doesn't want you to leave him?  Did she ACTUALLY say that?  The only reason I can think she would feel this way is if you have done this sort of thing numerous times before and she doesn't want to be involved.  Even if that is so, that would be terrible a mother wouldn't help her daughter out of a situation like this.

Unfortunately, you got sucked into some serious drama.  

[Tricia2812]

I'm so broken. I've called my therapist back. I really need help about this. I have so much invested money  with this fool of a fiancé. We have bills together. We have an apartment and I just want out. I'm still here for some ungodly reason. I feel bad with all the money invested in my wedding that my parents put in for it. I just have this horrible overwhelming feeling and I want to go, but my mom keeps offering solutions for everything. It's like she doesn't want me to leave him. Why I don't know. But I want to go.

I'm about to lose it....