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Falling in love with a girl who already has a boyfriend
Me and this girl named Jane have been working together for a couple of years she is my boss when we first met we didn't get along we really couldn't stand each other but as time went by other employese left and she had no choice to put me on the schedule with her. I really hated her because she was very mean and unfair towards me. When ever we worked together I didn't say hi or started a conversation with her I wanted her gone. Jane left the store and I was soo happy. For 7 months work was paradise because I got along just fine with our new boss then one day I see her at the store and I was mad. Inside my head I said "**** she's back please let this be temporary I can't stand her." Jane was here to stay and I said to myself "I might as well try to work with her and try to be on friendlier terms with her" it was not easy I still harbored hate for her and working with her was not good. We tried having a conversation but it always end up nowhere, I still had a attitude of resentment. One day she talked to me about her boyfriend that she could be in the hospital and he wouldn't know about it. Inside my head I said "Sounds like someone you deserve" the she told me she had a previous boyfriend who she was dating for 3 year got married behind her back I was shocked and I started to feel sympathy towards her. Inside my head I said "yeah, I should drop my attitude I'm beginning to see wheres she's coming from and I should be more helpful at work and friendly." I was able to find out that she suffers from Post Traumatic Relationship Disorder because she show symptoms of it.
We started to talk, have a conversation and I've shown to be quite reliable at work to be on call whenever she's short staffed shortly after I was promoted to manager and have been very very helpful. I've covered her shift when she has an emergency as well as other managers and I never complained not once. She has broken down in front of me many times and I comforted her wether she was crying about something serious, emotional state or just being over dramatic. I hug her and say everything will be okay I don't laugh, I don't make fun of her or say anything disrespectful about the reason she cries over. Even though she spoke ill of me behind my back I don't hold it against her, I was there for her as a friend to feel comfortable pouring out her emotions as I try to cheer her up.
One day at work I didn't know I was suppose to clean the foid storage and she got on me about, ok yes her as my boss I expect a lecture but she went too far and threw other subjects that was unrelated to what was the matter at hand and continued to berate me and spoke to me in a rude manner. I got really sad I got really upset that I just stood quiet I didn't talk back I didn't yell I didn't lay a hand on her I just stood quiet and felt hurt because the way she spoke to me. She told me to just go after being quiet for a couple of minutes and just when I was about to leave she stopped me from leaving by grabbing my wrist and blocked the door to keep me from leaving saying that we need to talk. I didn't feel like talking I just wanted to leave and she still had the gall to remind me that don't forget to come early to work on the day after. Later the same day she apologized to me for the way she spoke to me and admits that she knows she can be hard on people but she shouldn't had talk to me that way and apologized for inconvenience. The next time a saw her again she apologized and did a very sexy thing that caught me off guard. Weeks passed I started to think about her and kept asking myself why then I realized I really like her.
Only 1 co-worker named Aoi knows about my feelings for Jane. So Aoi tells me to go for it because when they went on a double Aoi's boyfriend takes her for granted and sees no vibe between them. Aoi told me to send her flowers and a teddy bear for her on Valentines so I ordered them to be delivered to her, Jane was very happy. One day she found out I liked someone she got nosy and asked me who it is for 1 month she kept on bugging me about it til one day I told her when the next time we work together I will tell her. The day came. When we were alone I held on both of Jane's hands confessed to her. We talked a lot but I think I already expected her to say that she already has a boyfriend. Days later after I confessed things did not get awkward between us we started to hang outside of work I continue to be a good friend to her. Occasionally we flirt and joke I make her laugh a lot whenever she's feeling down. At the same time Jane started to give me mixed messages. One day Aoi texted me saying that Jane is speaking very highly of me, saying good things about me. It surprised me because she always talked trash behind my back.
One day I forgot I was suppose to work, after getting a call from co-worker Michael I rushed down to work only to find Jane disappointed in me. I was upset with myself I took shots of whiskey and I was noticbley drunk on the job. Jane broke down and told me to just go I felt soo bad that I wanted to leave for good. I sent flowers and a apology letter to her the same day. Jane called me at the evening time to tell me to please don't leave I like working with you I can't continue working here without you, you are my reliable employee here. We met at a cafe on a different day and talked. I promised her I'm never doing something like that ever again and so we put it behind us and had a fun conversation. She texted me later to thank me and it was fun hanging out with me.
During the winter it snowed a lot I thought we were gonna be closed so I was drinking till I passed out. 12 hours passed I got 5 missed calls from Jane I picked up the 6th call she told me to head down the store to open because since she lives farther away and I live close to the store so I went to the store when Jane got there she noticed I had 5 bottles of water and asked me if I was drinking last night. I said yes how did you know? She was disappointed in me and asked me why? It got awkward between us. I entered her office and sat down to talk. I explained myself that I was drinking because I didn't know we were gonna be opened and it's none of her business on what I do outside of work. She got upset with me and told me she really cares about me. I hugged her and said I'm sorry I didn't know you cared about me that much we made up afterwards. But all these signs is it possible that she likes me as well?
We started to talk, have a conversation and I've shown to be quite reliable at work to be on call whenever she's short staffed shortly after I was promoted to manager and have been very very helpful. I've covered her shift when she has an emergency as well as other managers and I never complained not once. She has broken down in front of me many times and I comforted her wether she was crying about something serious, emotional state or just being over dramatic. I hug her and say everything will be okay I don't laugh, I don't make fun of her or say anything disrespectful about the reason she cries over. Even though she spoke ill of me behind my back I don't hold it against her, I was there for her as a friend to feel comfortable pouring out her emotions as I try to cheer her up.
One day at work I didn't know I was suppose to clean the foid storage and she got on me about, ok yes her as my boss I expect a lecture but she went too far and threw other subjects that was unrelated to what was the matter at hand and continued to berate me and spoke to me in a rude manner. I got really sad I got really upset that I just stood quiet I didn't talk back I didn't yell I didn't lay a hand on her I just stood quiet and felt hurt because the way she spoke to me. She told me to just go after being quiet for a couple of minutes and just when I was about to leave she stopped me from leaving by grabbing my wrist and blocked the door to keep me from leaving saying that we need to talk. I didn't feel like talking I just wanted to leave and she still had the gall to remind me that don't forget to come early to work on the day after. Later the same day she apologized to me for the way she spoke to me and admits that she knows she can be hard on people but she shouldn't had talk to me that way and apologized for inconvenience. The next time a saw her again she apologized and did a very sexy thing that caught me off guard. Weeks passed I started to think about her and kept asking myself why then I realized I really like her.
Only 1 co-worker named Aoi knows about my feelings for Jane. So Aoi tells me to go for it because when they went on a double Aoi's boyfriend takes her for granted and sees no vibe between them. Aoi told me to send her flowers and a teddy bear for her on Valentines so I ordered them to be delivered to her, Jane was very happy. One day she found out I liked someone she got nosy and asked me who it is for 1 month she kept on bugging me about it til one day I told her when the next time we work together I will tell her. The day came. When we were alone I held on both of Jane's hands confessed to her. We talked a lot but I think I already expected her to say that she already has a boyfriend. Days later after I confessed things did not get awkward between us we started to hang outside of work I continue to be a good friend to her. Occasionally we flirt and joke I make her laugh a lot whenever she's feeling down. At the same time Jane started to give me mixed messages. One day Aoi texted me saying that Jane is speaking very highly of me, saying good things about me. It surprised me because she always talked trash behind my back.
One day I forgot I was suppose to work, after getting a call from co-worker Michael I rushed down to work only to find Jane disappointed in me. I was upset with myself I took shots of whiskey and I was noticbley drunk on the job. Jane broke down and told me to just go I felt soo bad that I wanted to leave for good. I sent flowers and a apology letter to her the same day. Jane called me at the evening time to tell me to please don't leave I like working with you I can't continue working here without you, you are my reliable employee here. We met at a cafe on a different day and talked. I promised her I'm never doing something like that ever again and so we put it behind us and had a fun conversation. She texted me later to thank me and it was fun hanging out with me.
During the winter it snowed a lot I thought we were gonna be closed so I was drinking till I passed out. 12 hours passed I got 5 missed calls from Jane I picked up the 6th call she told me to head down the store to open because since she lives farther away and I live close to the store so I went to the store when Jane got there she noticed I had 5 bottles of water and asked me if I was drinking last night. I said yes how did you know? She was disappointed in me and asked me why? It got awkward between us. I entered her office and sat down to talk. I explained myself that I was drinking because I didn't know we were gonna be opened and it's none of her business on what I do outside of work. She got upset with me and told me she really cares about me. I hugged her and said I'm sorry I didn't know you cared about me that much we made up afterwards. But all these signs is it possible that she likes me as well?
I also think it would be best for you to find another job, and possibly ask her out. I'm not sure whether a temperamental girlfriend is the best thing for you while you're drinking too much as it is. From experience, i know how fast things can go bad with a person like this boss of yours, who sounds unstable. I get that you think that what you drink is nobodies business, but the fact is that you're drinking like an alcoholic (i am one by the way). Are you drinking because you can't sleep without doing so, because there are other ways to sleep that don't include ruining your liver. That's how it started with me, to put me to sleep and after this habit became ingrained, i was addicted to hard drinking and had to drink during the day at work etc. Do you think that your drinking habits are good or bad or are you indifferent?. Please consider, that since you are single and looking to mingle., it's a Huge Red Flag for GOOD potential partner that you must drink to excess on your free time, unless you are happy enough with the results of drinking to excess and someone who is not stable. . A quality of life person would not be interested in becoming involved with a person with a drinking problem (the denial being the largest part of the problem). If you are ready to settle down, please 'look at the man in the mirror', make the changes necessary to be a partner that another can count on to live life on life's terms, and not a person that is choosing drinking to oblivion. . Otherwise, you'll be dealing with people with their own personality issues, and by doing so, risk having a lifetime of unease and failed potential. You can find the answers to your happiness in your own words, so bravo for being open enough to talk about your personal life here, anonymously. I hope you find some hope in the answers that you've been given, that you will find what you're looking, for, but first you must be your own best friend and look after yourself and your future by becoming the healthiest version of you , that you can find. Then, all the pieces will come together, and you'll find a mutually respectful and committed relationship. You'll have put in the work yourself, and deserve someone who has done the same. I wish you every happiness, thanks for your post.
2 Comments
Please let me take the word 'quality" back, We are all quality people , there is no bad person versus good person, i guess what i meant was a person that has the ability to recognize character flaws, and does something about it, because their priority is to be the best version of themselves for their loved ones. Please accept my apology if it seemed i was judging harshly, because it's not how i think or how i act.
I'm not a alcoholic I haven't drank in a long time now I am the most reliable person at work without me everyone will be overwhelmed and crack from too much pressure. Almost everyone at work have confided to me when they are going through tough times
Signs of a mixed situation. It's actually less important that she likes you or doesn't like you that she is your boss, because there are legal restraints on what she can do if she finds someone attractive when she has workplace authority over them. Flirt with an employee, sexual harassment suits come.
It seems like you two are mixing: a boss/employee relationship with attraction, an out-of-control drinking habit (drinking to the point of passing out is no way to spend time), her having an awful temper and having no more sense than to shoot off her mouth about people and to their face. Where are you trying to go with this?
It seems like you two are mixing: a boss/employee relationship with attraction, an out-of-control drinking habit (drinking to the point of passing out is no way to spend time), her having an awful temper and having no more sense than to shoot off her mouth about people and to their face. Where are you trying to go with this?
2 Comments
I like Jane she is the only girl who never scratched me, spit at me or ended friendship the only girl who never pushed me away
Can you get a different job? If so, do it, so there won't be difficult questions about trying to get something romantic going with your boss. Then ask her out on a date. You will see soon enough if she likes you -- if she goes out with you, she likes you.
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