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Father/Daughter relationships - How close is too close?
My boyfriend is divorced and his 10 year old daughter comes to stay with us every other weekend; During the summer she stays for longer periods of time.  Before I moved in and a few months after my boyfriend would allow his daughter to sleep in his bed and if I fell asleep in our bed he would sleep with her downstairs in her bed.  This bothered me so I asked him to please give her structure in our home and I asked for 2 things: 1) SHE NEEDS TO HAVE A BED TIME and be consistent with putting her to bed at that time. 2) DO NOT SLEEP IN THE SAME BED WITH YOUR DAUGHTER AND/OR LAY WITH HER INAPPROPRIATELY. These 2 issues bother me enough that I consider leaving.  My boyfriend does not see the importance in having a bed time for a child.  In his mind its the weekend so who cares how late she stays up.  He says that he does not get to spend that much time with her so every hour counts.  I agree with this just not when the child is staying up until 3-4am.  During this time she will scream out daddy! daddy! daddy! telling him she is sick, cold, thirsty, or scared. He runs to her every time she screams for him even if it causes us both to get 3-4 hours of sleep.  She used to crawl into our room and stand above her dad until he woke up.  I think there needs to be structure and when 9:30 on weekdays and 11pm on weekends rolls around then it is lights out and time to go to bed.  I don't think this is time for one more t.v. show or a bike ride then THINK about getting ready for bed.  Or the daughter negotiating on a bed time. Am I being to harsh on expecting a bed time and the bed time not include my boyfriend sleeping with her until she falls asleep?  I work late nights so I came home one night to see him spooning his daughter.  I know there is not sexual abuse but it is weird and freaks me out knowing he lays with her the same way he lays with me.  I am a strong individual and was raised by a mother and father who showered me with love and I never once saw anything like this.  When we take naps he will lay on the couch with her either infront of him stretched out or she will lay behind him with her arms around him and sometimes her legs wrapped over his.  She will lay her head on his lap near his package when watching t.v. as he strokes her arms, hair, and back to relax her.  He took her to drive his car and sat her on his lap which I feel she is way too old to be sitting on her dad that way.  When they play around she has put her crotch in his face to hold him down and she slaps his butt.  She has her body pressed all over his and I feel this is not right for a child who is approaching puberty.  When ever I show some affection she will try to duplicate it and that is why I try not to be too affectionate towards him infront of her. Simple things such as holding hands or hugging. I will ask for a neck massage which includes oil before I go to work sometimes and if she is there she will continuously say "me next" "me next" until he is finished with mine.  I personally feel weirded out by him putting oil all over neck and back since she has to pull her shirt up for him to do it.  I just don't like it!  My mom rubs my neck all the time but I feel there is a difference in the way my mom is allowed to touch me and the way my dad touches me.  I was laying on the couch with him one afternoon and I saw his daughter come out of her room and then all of a sudden she saw us laying on the couch so she dropped to the floor and crawled back in her room thinking no one saw her.  She then pretended to be sick for 6 hours until I went to work.  I told him that as soon as I went to work she would be fine and sure enough, as soon as I went to work she was cured from her sickness!  He does not see the manipulation that she pulls on him!  I need to know if I am freaking out when I see them laying all over each other for no reason or am I the one who is in the wrong for asking these things from him?  Am I being to strict when I ask for a bed time? Do I leave if these issues are not corrected.  
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2175303 tn?1337516261
Thank God for jannie NU! It doesn't matter the post of the writer is old! I was also shocked by the following comments which approved this kind of excessive affection! It's wrong! Period! It's sexual abuse, full stop! What is wrong with all those who said this is normal? Were they sexually abused and are in denial? They need help. For a lot less I suspected my ex bf's behaviour. My ex  would go to his daughter's room every night when she went to bed until she was 14. He would shut the door and switch off the lights and stay there for an hour. Maybe there was nothing wrong with that, but I found it uncomfortable when she was 14 already, very jealous of me and was always in conflict with her Dad. Why would she accept this kind of thing every night 'when dad was not so cool to be around with anymore'-?.

Now having the evidence that they were rubbing private parts all over each other and people saying this is NORMAL? Ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!
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Avatar universal
You're right and unfortunately sometimes people don't like to think "the worst" because people are so worried about someone saying " you're judging."

There are posts that I have read on the other forums on site where young 2- 5 yr old girls are rubbing their crotch up against the couch and a concerned Mother will ask if thats normal behavior. Or that the kid is rubbing against the high chair or touching herself all the time etc..And this Mother will receive more answers that "this is normal behavior" then not. At 5 years old my private area all I knew was that is where your "pee pee" comes out when you sit on the toilet. Yet we read advice from women on site to these Mothers that they should tell their daughter thats something they should do in private. Geesh, its absolutely amazing and scary at the same time..
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973741 tn?1342346373
First let me send out a reminder to be respectful please.  We can give our thoughts without calling other people's thoughts ridiculous.

All opinions are welcome here even if we do not agree and all opinions are just as valid as anyone elses.

I won't comment further as this is an old post.  If one has a question on this matter, I suggest starting their own thread.  luck and peace to all.
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Avatar universal
Okay I have a question...  What happens when you have a dad who is 50 years old and is way to affectionate to his 19 year old daughter.  Do you think it's weird for her to be in his bed???  Okay, there was a death in the family.  The father had his brother stay over along with his wife and two teens (16 and 18).  I noticed that his bedroom door was shut.  When I opened the door I saw him caressing his daughters hair while she was lying next to him.  Immediately I said on purpose "Oh I don't mean to bother you both, I'll leave you guys alone.  Do you want me to shut the door"  Father, says yes.  Can anyone please give let me know if this is strange???  I feel that he is too touchy with her..
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973741 tn?1342346373
You have tacked a question onto an old thread.  The best thing to do is start your own thread if you have your own question.  

Are you askinng me if it is odd for a father to comfort a nineteen year old daughter in a bedroom?  Is it odd to lay on a bed with her and carress her hair.  

Well, I don't know.  I don't know exactly what you saw.  I might be tempted to do that with my son when he is a teenager if her were in deep despair and I might even just hold him tightly as he is grieving the death of someone he loves.  It wouldn't be sexual but rather a mother comforting her child whether they are an adult or not.  Since I don't see my sons in a sexual way, physical affection is just affection and not sexual.  

However, if you feel dad was carressing her in a sexual way and was so brazen about it that he asked you to leave--------  well, I would wonder why you would want to be with such a man.  

If it was sexual, well----------  that is odd (and obviously horrible).  But some people are affectionate with their teenage children in a physical way and it is NOT sexual.  

So whether it is strange or not is your judgement call as only you know the true details.  Good luck
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Avatar universal
Thank you for your response.  I am in agreement with you 100% when it comes to comforting your 19 year old daughter during a tough moment.   However, he has told me that on a few occasions that his daughter will fall asleep in his bed.  Sometimes he would tell me that they both were watching TV in his bed or they would talk.   Mind you he has a house with a living room.  Why can't he hang out there with her instead of his bedroom.  Furthermore, when she comes back from college I notice that I become the third wheel and treats me like I am a nobody.  Like their is no balance between his daughter and me.  If they go out I'm not included and he tells me that he is busy.   Please note that I've been with this man for 10 years.  Things started to change when she moved in with him when she was 15.  It is hard to explain the whole story but, all I can say is that I feel as though she is almost like his wife rather than his daughter.   I have an 18 and 21 year old.  As a mother I know where to set the limits with them.   My gut is telling me something is not right.  This is why I'm holding back to move in with him.  My fear is that when she is around he would leave me behind and I would never stand for it.  Furthermore, I would not want her to hang out in "our" bedroom. I feel that that should be a place for just me and him.  That is what my values are. What do you think?  
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973741 tn?1342346373
Sounds like your values are different than his and this may not be the ideal man for you. You are not married and, therefore, I'd strongly consider going ahead and moving on.  Why be with someone you have these worries with?

But what concerns me ---  and this is just something for you to think about----  is that you say (and I'm paraphrasing) that your gut tells you this isn't right and are suspicious but what you are really worried about is that he'd pick her over you.  You said "my fear is that when she is around he will leave me behind."  

I'm just throwing it out there that perhaps his adult daughter doesn't care for you or his relationship with you and prefers to do things with just her dad.  And he sees her as very important to him and will comply.  

I think you are exaclty right.  This man values his relationship with his child (adult or not) over a relationship with you and will go along with leaving you out if it makes the relationship with his daughter more peaceful.

You me and anyone else can say that is wrong--------  but who cares what we say, that is the reality.  Why stick around for that?

No, you shouldn't move in with him.  You should move on.  good luck
PS:  If you feel he is being sexual with her, you shouldn't even have a question in your mind about what to do.  
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2175303 tn?1337516261
I apologise for the 'ridiculous' I used, but I noticed the thread starter was very polite and open-minded, yet she was called arrogant, self-serving and worthless by a member here. Now that IS judgement! A total personal attack. And it got me angry, because her concerns were genuine. Hellooooo, a ten year old child with her crotch on Dad's face for playfight???...amongst other horrifying examples she gave which some people considered normal. But anyway, the post is old. Yet I agree with Jannie NU when she says it doesn't matter because other recent posts in disagreement with the 'normal' could sound like an eye opener to some in denial here who read this thread later.
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2175303 tn?1337516261
I know what you're going through because i went through exactly the same. My ex bf started treating me differently as soon as his daughter came into the scene. He was only happy when she was around. He only wanted to do things and go out happily when she was around. With me, he would be miserable all the time, no matter how happy I was. As soon as the honey moon period was over and he introduced me to his daughter, things changed badly. But it could be all because separeted parents try to overcompensate for their kids. It could be your bf's case, I don't know, especailly if there's bereavement in the family.
But I could not put up with his behaviour anymore. First, he only wanted to have sex with me when she was in the house. Not in front of her, of course not, but mostly when she was in the house. He always pretended I was a naughty school girl and he was the perverted uncle.. that was his fantasy, which I went along with it until I noticed he had no interest in me unless she was present. Well, to cap it all, I did not like it when he continuously went to her bedroom at bed time until she was older with doors shut, lights off...well, nothing wrong with that? But staying an hour or so??? My parents were over protective towards me, but did not do that when I was 14! In fact, they stopped doing that when i was 7. And especially that this girl wasn't exactly the 'cuddling' type and was getting to that phase when Dad was not cool anymore. ok, beat me for this, general public, but I think this is all out of order.
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973741 tn?1342346373
It does sound like you picked a really rotten partner.  Hopefully you've moved on.  We have control over who we are with and that end of things is our responsibiity.  And if we end up with a weirdo, we must own it and move on.  good luck
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2175303 tn?1337516261
you're right. But it's not been easy for me. We just broke up recently and I'm in need of serious counselling because this has left me serious wounds which have not healed yet. He went from Mr Right to a depressed maniac who had no interest in me. I agree with you. I met him because I was vulnerable and on the wrong path of life. He showed no emotions and sympathy to me when my Mum died just 12 weeks ago and that was it! No more of him, the nail in the coffin was with him, mainly! I hate to think I was responsible for bringing him into my life but if I was , i was. Time to move on.
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973741 tn?1342346373
I'm sure sorry about the loss of your mother.  yes, I think it is time to move on and find a better mate.  good luck
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973741 tn?1342346373
Gosh, this old post is getting a lot of action in the past couple of days.  Report abuse to child protective services.

For any new questions on the subject, please start your own thread.
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2175303 tn?1337516261
Are you a moderator of this forum? if you are, you know people have the right to post in a public forum, even years after the first post. The reason I joined this community is that all that's happened to me is still playing in my head. I'm deeply hurt and confused, thinking I could've done something to have helped that girl but didn't because I had no evidence and think I'm going mad. I googled the subject and this forum came up. Just like avn3day may have done and others. We don't want to judge, but when you have open wounds that are so recent, that's what you do. I agree that we should open a new thread, but having an old one extended as long as on the same subject and with respect, is not so bad after all. It just shows how serious and delicate this issue is.
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2175303 tn?1337516261
Thank you. I will get more info about it. I assume you have read all of my post.
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973741 tn?1342346373
Hi, I'm the community leader of the forum.  Some threads do get closed when they become controversial but the community leaders usually encourage people in general to open up their own thread for discussions rather than tagging onto someone elses question/issue.  

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973741 tn?1342346373
And by the way rita, your own question did garner some responses to your particular situation.  good luck
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2175303 tn?1337516261
No, just because we do not have evidence, that doesn't mean the danger is not there. I don't have any responses to my questions. Sometimes it's just good to hear from others. But I will have to move on and forget. Thanks and bye.
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973741 tn?1342346373
Didn't you post your own question with responses Rita?  I'm misunderstanding.  I'll look as I'm thinking you did.  And I said nothing of evidence.  Not sure what you are even talking about.  Well, goodluck anyway.
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973741 tn?1342346373
Okay, now I see Rita that you never Asked your own question.  If you want responses to your particular situation, that is the best way to get one.  good luck
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2175303 tn?1337516261
I honestly don't know what you're talking about. I wish there was private mail here like in some social networks, I'm new here, so I don't know. In some funny way, I think we bonded a little, thanks anyway.
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973741 tn?1342346373
I've sent you a pm and honestly, any questions you have about the forum or med help, I'll be happy to help!!  :>)
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I just got married to a 51 yr old man with a 12 yr old daughter who means the world to him.  The daughter is mean to me and appears nice when her dad is around.  He told me that his daughter will always be the priority in the house.  One day i asked him for a movie treat and we ended up watching the movie that his daughter preferred and not the movie i wanted to see and they cuddled   and held hands throughout the movie.  I felt so out of place.  He always hug and kiss his daughter more than he do me. And he tells her more "i love you" than he tells me.  Should i get out of this marriage? We're only married last 2 wks ago.
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973741 tn?1342346373
Well, he was really clear about his priority and was up front with you.  Little unfair to now have an issue with it in my opinion.  You went into this knowing the situation.  Why did you marry him?  

You've only been married 2 weeks.  If you feel this will cause you displeasure, then yes, I recommend you get out now.

good luck
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Avatar universal
it really saddens me to read a post like yours . you claim to be a strong woman , but you are threatened and jealous of his relationship with his daughter . it also makes me very angry every time a dad , like myself , is thought a molester or depraved person by people who are just sick in their thinking .
i am a father of 3 daughters . i have worked extremely hard to make my daughters feel loved , and secure with their relationship with me . all three of my daughters have slep in the bed with me at various points in their lives . i make it a point to hug them as often as i can . and to show them affection when ever i can .
for a father the worse day in life is the day his little girl no longer feels like it is ok to kiss him on the lips , or sit on his lap and just hug him . i was lucky enough to get to go in the delivery room with my oldest daughter for my first grandchild . her fiance and his family told her how it was wrong and how it was disgusting for her dad to be in there and see her private parts . she made me proud and not only defended her choice , but was absolutely sickened that they would dare say something so vile and disgusting about her dad .
there is no doubt that adults molest kids every day . it is a sad and sick person who can look at a child and see sex . but it is just as sad and just as sick that fathers have to live in fear and be looked at with sickening distrust because of sick criminals . no father can ever possibly look at his little girl and even imagine something so vile and sick .
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I've read all the posts and it is clearly the case that these grown women are JEALOUS.  Notice all their resentment is towards the child NOT the bf/husband.  If you feel lack of attention or poor relationship with the husband then take it up with him.  You don't get competive with a child. All their competitiveness goes toward the child.  This is sick.  You should never view yourself as a contemporary or competitor with a child.  If you don't think you're husband is giving you the amount of attention you feel you deserve--you take it up with him.  You don't resent the child.  People do awful, evil, things when they are jealous.  And it is truly scary what power a jealous grown women can do to a powerless child.  Children are powerless to adults.  They depend on adults. Receiving attention from their father is not a power over you.  If you view it as that, you need psychological help before you start taking out your resentment onto a child.  Jealousy makes mothers abuse their own children.  It is the grown adult woman who is a spoiled brat if she is fuming with resentment over a child's bond with its own father.  Jealousy of this nature is a natural thing indeed...for CHILDREN!  For siblings.  NOT FOR ADULTS!  Certainly no adult should feel jealous of a child.  Seek help if you fall in this category.  You have a personality disorder.
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Avatar universal
To stoney, I agree with you completely.  Men who sexually abuse their children are just as evil as women who are jealous of children.  Such women will end up abusing a child as well, since they cannot hold their resentments inside.  Both groups of society are sick and need help. Both are pushing their own sick adult impulses onto a child (the molester his sick sexual impulses...and the women their own jealous impulses).  Both have a specail place in hell, in my opinion.
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Avatar universal
Hello. I'm kind of having the same issue with my dad. Well I think my dad is too close to me, I'm 16 and my dad wants a huge when he gets home from work and when he goes to sleep. And he rubs my legs and I tell him it tickles and I don't like it but the. He'll reply with oh they're so soft and smooshy. And he'll go in my room Kay on my bed and wanna hug so he pushes me down with him and tries to get comfortable and today he like grabbed my ankles to try to pull me off the bed, as play nothing abusive, and he obviously could see my shorts were riding up. And I'm not sure how affectionate and what kind a dad should be showing. There was also this time where I told him I was uncomfortable and he got mad at me and told me what you let your boyfriend touch you(like be close and put their arms around me) but why not me and I wasn't sure how to answer that. Please email me @ ***@****

I really need answers because this has been going on for a few years.
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Avatar universal
If it makes you uncomfortable, then your dad should respect that.  I would be uncomfortable, too.  Anything above your knee is not for just anyone to touch unless you want them to touch you there, and his comment about you letting your boyfriend touch you in certain ways does not justify his attempts to.  He is your father, not your boyfriend.  The intimacy factor is far different in a father-daughter relationship than a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.  If he doesn't stop the next time you tell him you're uncomfortable, then don't sit next to him, stay near another family member instead, and then if you're home alone, put something in front of your door if you can't lock it to avoid any uncomfortable behavior there.  A dad should realize by the time his daughter starts coming of age, he has to behave in a way that won't make her feel exposed/uncomfortable, and you're well past that point in life.

Be safe!
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480448 tn?1426952138
I completely agree with quietgirl.  Even though this may not be anything inappropriate per se, he is crossing a line YOU are uncomfortable with, and the fact that you've told him and he totally ignored you is not right.  You do not owe him an explanation, there shouldn't have to be a discussion about it...just you telling it makes you uncomfortable and that should be where it ends.

You need to be stern with him and tell him you simply don't like it.  Hugs hello and goodnight are fine....the rest of it...YOU make the boundaries.  I recommend you tell another adult what is going on as well.  Is your Mom in the picture?  A stepmom?  I really think maybe you should fill someone in...maybe someone else needs to lay it out on the line for him.

YOUR body, YOUR boundaries, YOUR rules, no exceptions.  That goes for anyone in your life, hon,
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973741 tn?1342346373
Hi there.  Always okay to draw the line with someone incuding your father.  I would make it clear that you are a big girl now and aren't wanting to cuddle and such.  

I give your dad the benefit of the doubt that he is just seeing you has his little girl and is affectionate.  I'm affectionate with my little kids now and probably will always want to give them hugs.  But I think you mention things that are intrusive to a young lady.  I also think that if you ask him to stop and he doesn't, that is an issue.

Do you have a mother?  An aunt or a Grandma???  I would tell them how you feel.  Ask them to help you.  

good luck
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Avatar universal
I have "memories" I remember showering with my adopted father, seeing him naked... my adopted mom walking about naked, doing her makeup naked in my bathroom when she had a wonderful HUGE bathroom of her own... I have vague memories of him in my room at night... he would talk to his friends in PUBLIC about my breasts... my mom had him shave my legs for the 1st time in his shower in 7th grade.. I was mortified. I hate his smell, this hot musk at 30 I can still remember his smell... he would always want me to sit in his lap in his recliner even at 19 ( that's when I left and never came back)  They were NOT affectionate at ALL, no hugs wouldn't even hold my hand in the store in public.. but home that was different... I couldn't close my door to the bathroom or bedroom EVER... I still get dressed in my closet today.... as I grow older it I think it is more and more WRONG, he would slow dance CLOSE all the time with me and I didn't want to... he made me.... it was so uncomfortable.. but it wasn't just him it was HER as well, looking at me in the shower, watching me dress, picking out underwear I wouldn't let my kid wear... it was FU&*^D up..... struggling more today as I see the wrong in it....
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973741 tn?1342346373
Sorry that happened to you hon.  Your gut tells you that things were definately wrong.  So, I'm very sorry.

Hope you've found a peaceful life for yourself now that you are an adult.  good luck
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Avatar universal
There is nothing wrong with a father and daughtr being affectionate and laying together as long as nothing else is happening u sound jealous
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Avatar universal
I need advice.

My fiancee's daughter is nine years old. I absolutely adore her and him and love all of our bond. We have gone through getting her to sleep in her own bed in the past year and its still hard some nights. I took over washing and rinsing her hair when she was 7. She has a tendency to not get all of the conditioner out.

Also, she loves to run around naked, which I told him I was uncomfortable with and he tells her she needs to clothe herself when not in the bathroom, but it is a struggle to this day to enforce.

She only spends every other weekend at our house. Her mom babies her very extensively. Her mom has been married for 3 years this month, and from day one her husband sleeps in another bedroom and the daughter chooses which bed she wants to sleep in while at her moms, her mothers or her stepfathers. This little girl loves to cuddle too. If she lays next to you on the couch or in a chair she wraps both arms around you, holds, your hand, and intertwines fingers. I was very uncomfortable hearing that a 35 year old man who is unrelated is sleeping with a, now, 9 year old little girl that cuddles like that.

When helping her with her hair about a year ago, she asked me if I would bathe her. I told her no and explained that she is at an age where she needs to be doing that on her own. She said, well mom still bathes me and that I was almost her stepmom and that was just like a mom. I replied with my usual response of I love her to the moon and back and am privileged and blessed to have her as part of my family, but you only have one mom and one dad, even though we may feel like extra parents Mom and Dad should always be separate from step mom and stepdad. She continued begging. I asked her what she would do if her mom wasn't home at bedtime. She said her stepdad would bathe her. He was like her dad because he was her stepdad. I told her real dad about this. He didn't do anything. His ex-wife is very aggressive and has a lot of money. Every time he brought situations up tp her in the past she hires a lawyer and they have to go back to court and she keeps threatening to take her from him.

She has gone as far as calling my place of work between undergraduate and graduate school to tell them to fire me or she was not going to refer patients to them any longer. She tells the daughter bad things about her father all the time. The first time I met her she said a negative comment about the father in front of me and the daughter. We had to meet with her because she had "forgotten" to give the daughter something  and than refused to call me demanding that I call her. The father tried reminding her I was bringing their daughter somewhere to assist them, I ended up calling her. I just wanted to give y'all an idea of that relationship to understand part of why I am struggling as to what to do.

About three months after that, she came to our house on a Thursday and I was helping her with her hair and saw she had press on tattoo cupcake on the insides of her iliac crests. Saturday when she was going to take a bath, I saw she still ahd the cupcakes and told her she needed to bathe better. She said she couldn't remove them. When I asked why she said because her stepfather "liked to eat her cupcakes."

I told my fiancee about this. He asked to see her cupcakes and made her show them to him and got upset about it,  I know that was the wrong reaction. I would have waited to tell him until she went to sleep and we could have talked about it if I would have known he was going to act like that. He talked to his ex-wife about it and she brought up and told him it was worse that I had signed the child's test paper when I was doing homework with her one night when my fiancé was getting home late and than went into going back to court.

Not long after this we were at our camp and I had gone to take a shower. About two minutes later she busts into the bathroom and jumps in with me. I was VERY uncomfortable. She still bathes with her mom in the bathtub is what she told me.

I really like her stepfather and do not imagine sexual activity, but I think it is teaching her very weird things about men and nudity and dependence and I just don't know what to do.
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Avatar universal
I know this is an old forum, I just happened to stumble upon it when searching for help and felt that the answers here were very interesting, thoughtful, and solid.
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973741 tn?1342346373
Hi,  this is a VERY old thread.  If someone has a question, it is best to start your own rather than rehashing something posted a long while ago.  

thanks!
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Avatar universal
I have someeeeewhat a similar situation with my boyfriend and her younger sis.... Except they are not so cuddly with each other. My boyfriends younger sis tries 2 hug my boyfriend in front of me and tries to make it very noticeable. She has offended my brother and my mother and many times has been rude 2 me... Me and my boyfriend now have 31/2
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Avatar universal
I had a similar situation with my boyfriend and her younger sis.... Except they are not so cuddly with each other. My boyfriends younger sis would try 2 hug my boyfriend in front of me and tries to make it very noticeable. She has offended my brother and my mother and many times has been rude 2 me... Me and my boyfriend now have 3 1/2 and her sis is now 12, things have sure calmed down hugely because I talked to my boyfriend and I really tried to work with the situation.
How long have u been with ur boyfriend?? Maybe it's just a matter of time and patience.... I think the little girl is to young to understand her dad has someone else and it is totally understandable and it is totally understandable that u do not feel comfortable I wouldn't either:/ Just give it some time:)
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973741 tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome to the forum.  The original poster of this thread asked this question in 2009.  If you'd like to start your own thread, please go to the top of this forum and hit post question.  

Glad your situation is working out better for you.  

I do think that kids can be affectionate and it is okay.  When it is interfering with one's relationship, it is something to take up with the adult in the situation rather than the child.  If a child is being 'manipulative' in some way, it is for the adult to set a bounary.  good luck
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OMG....i am going throuh the exact same situation! Its his 10 year old adopted daughter. I cannot tell him how it freaks me out because he tells me that when it comes to his daughter,i have absolutely no Say so. My opinion forestry matter. She to stays up as late as she wants.and lately wham i get up to get a drink i see them spooning and he alwsys sleeps in his underwear. I remember growing up if i saw my father in his underwearpast age 5...eww and it was on accident. Gross. his daughter is with us more than she is with Her mother and on top of it all....he had lead her to believe that i am just s friend! We are never affectionate ever, in front of her...so no fighting for his attention on either of our behalfs. I too think of leaving because of it
snappy11

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973741 tn?1342346373
Hi, welcome to med help.  I just wanted to say again that this is an old thread and would suggest starting your own thread if anyone wants to further this discussion.  
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It is too much...spooning??  Laps and handhilding. Whho is the child and who is the girlfriend. Where is the line?  It may not be sexual but certainly inappropriate.
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Hi I'm still a teenager(16) but I never did anything like that with my father. One time we went camping and he was beside me sleeping and unconsciously rolled into a spooning position but when he woke up he moved immediately. I guess it really just depends on how you were raised and the way you think. I feel like massages with oil are very odd from father to daughter. The same with laying on top of him. Sitting on his lap seems normal to me though cause I would still do the same with my father. I have not seen him since 6th grade though but I will this month. Anyways bed time and sleeping in the same bed need to be fixed. And playing sick is probably something she does to get more attention because she does probably feel she competes with you for his attention. Start with the bed time and sleeping issue and then bring up your views on the rest. Good luck:)
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Avatar universal
Hi I'm still a teenager(16) but I never did anything like that with my father. One time we went camping and he was beside me sleeping and unconsciously rolled into a spooning position but when he woke up he moved immediately. I guess it really just depends on how you were raised and the way you think. I feel like massages with oil are very odd from father to daughter. The same with laying on top of him. Sitting on his lap seems normal to me though cause I would still do the same with my father. I have not seen him since 6th grade though but I will this month. Anyways bed time and sleeping in the same bed need to be fixed. And playing sick is probably something she does to get more attention because she does probably feel she competes with you for his attention. Start with the bed time and sleeping issue and then bring up your views on the rest. Good luck:)
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Avatar universal
i think it is a pretty simple thing . do you think there is anything inapropriate happening between him and his daughter ? if the answer is yes then you should immediately leave him and get the authorities involved . if the answer is no then obviously you are seriously over reacting .

society has conditioned us to make every man out to be a ********* or child molester or sexual predator . as a man and as a dad it makes me sick every time someone looks at me and thinks what ever disgusting things their sick minds think of .  

trust yourself . if you think there is something going on get out and protect the child . if you do not think there is something going on find fault in society and think for yourself . dont ruin a relationship because society is sick .
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973741 tn?1342346373
Hi there.  As a reminder, this post is from 2009.  It is very old.  If you'd like to ask a question or begin your own thread, please it back to community.  Then go to the top of the page and hit post question.  Thanks and good luck
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so what exactly is he doing with her that is not acceptable . sleeping in the same bed ? are you saying that you are unable to sleep in the same bed as your son without molesting him ? i hope not . hugging and kissing ? a fathers worse day is when his daughter stops kissing him on the lip . to her it becomes dirty and wrong . why ? because society says it is ? why ?
it makes me sad and angry that our society is full of so many sick and disgusting people that have sexual thoughts when they see affectionate dads with their daughters . its bad enough when you have those disgusting thoughts about kids its down right wrong and dangerous when you project your filth on other people .  
does abuse happen ? absolutely . it does not happen with 99% of dads . those real men could never even imagine how someone could be so sick to think that way . you should be ashamed of yourselves . get help .
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480448 tn?1426952138
Who is Mrs. Happiness?  Who is your post directed to?  Did you look at the date of this thread?

Of course there is a difference between an affectionate dad and an abuser...who ever said there wasn't?  Where did you get that 99% of dads do NOT sexually abuse their children?  That figure is not correct...I wouild like to see your source for that.

Bottom line...there ARE behaviors that are just inappropriate that send up red flags...and as a mother...I would rather someone err on the side of caution to protect a child if they see something concerning rather than just "assume" nothing terrible is going on, and turn a blind eye.

You seem VERY angry, and your anger here is misdirected.  Like specialmom said...if you have a question, or would like to start a conversation, it would be better to start a new thread, instead of bumping this one that is very old.
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707563 tn?1455827280
Hi everyone -

We are closing this thread.  It has served it's purpose, and the original poster hasn't been back since 2009, and has probably resolved this situation by now.

Thanks,

Emily

        ****************************  CLOSED THREAD  *********************
                                       NO MORE POSTS, PLEASE

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