Father and Daugher relationship

[blueandwhite]

Hello,

Cutting straight to the point, my parents divorced when I was 6 and I lived equally with both parents afterwards. My relationship was great with my mother and father, but now I've been looking at my father in a different light.

Between the ages of 8 and 11, my dad was a fan of "spooning". Every night I would stay at his place, he would tell me at night to go to his room, and he would then proceed to intimately spoon me for the whole night, every night... At the time, I did feel a little uncomfortable but I didn't say anything.. And I distinctly remember a time when I was maybe 12, and he said "Do you want to come?" and I looked at him and said "No, Dad!" and he looked quite embarrassed. He was also a fan of t hugging, rubbing my arms, kissing more than most dads do, etc.

As much as I suppressed this for the past few years, I've realized that I am not a physical person. I'm not sure whether that has to do with this or not. In addition, my maturity now as a young adult (I'm 19) has made me realize that it most-likely was sexual.. He recently showed me a video with african music. As much as he was trying to stress the importance of the music in the video, I couldn't help but realize that the video compromised of women with large behinds shaking it at the camera. A few years back, he showed me a video of a concert. In the concert, at one point, a girl comes out and starts shaking her ***. As much as he tried to convince me that it was simply the art of the dance that he appreciated, I noticed when he rewinded that part and played it again... I notice how he stares at EVERY young woman that passes by, much to my sheer embarrassment. And I have become oversensitive to any form of physical contact with him. I don't even feel comfortable hugging or kissing him, though I'm perfectly fine with my mom..

My questions are, am I overreacting? And what do I do to put myself at ease?

Thanks so much..

[BluCrystal]

Your dad's behavior is inappropriate in the extreme.  You need to do whatever is necessary to discourage this.  There is a possibility that he is unaware of how inappropriate it is.  I suggest that the next time he does something of this nature, you tell him point-blank 'Dad, i love you, but this is inappropriate and it makes me uncomfortable.'  If that doesn't stop him, tell your mom, and perhaps some family therapy would do the trick.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I'm sorry, but this all sounds very inappropriate to me...on your father's behalf.  I don't think you are overreacting one bit.  If you feel uncomfortable, then you have a reason and have every right to feel that way.

I am really sorry that you had to go through all of this when you were so young.

So, no I don't think you are overreacting and as far as putting your mind at ease...I would suggest maybe getting some counseling and really limiting contact with your father.  I really do believe on your father's side of things, that this is very sexual in nature and I would suggest not being in that situation.  You are already uncomfortable and struggling.  I don't think that will just go away.  It may even mean confronting your father about his behavior, eventually.

Have you ever confided in anyone else about this?

[blueandwhite]

Just another weird fact, I found a condom pack in my father's dresser one time. He is a single divorced man who has not told me about any relationships..