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Father sleeping with 10 yr old
Hi , I'm new to this but not sure really how to get answers to this. So my husband an I have been married a little over a year. An we've been having this problem the last few months.
Okay so at bedtime, she will not go to bed alone he does not in force this anymore. He lays in bed with her rubbing her to sleep,an sometimes even sleeps In there with her. If this doesn't happen then she's either in bed with us or right next to us as we have a couch next to our bed literally right next to us. If he leaves her room after she falls asleep she ends up in bed with us. Not just sleeping but he spoons her.has his legs arms around her even their heads touching. I don't think this is appropriate she is progressing getting boobs, has started her peroid an so on. Our 7 year old boy is upset because I don't sleep in bed with him an I expect him to go to sleep alone.he does not come in bed with us. How do I fix this an tell him ive had enough with it an that it is wrong?
Okay so at bedtime, she will not go to bed alone he does not in force this anymore. He lays in bed with her rubbing her to sleep,an sometimes even sleeps In there with her. If this doesn't happen then she's either in bed with us or right next to us as we have a couch next to our bed literally right next to us. If he leaves her room after she falls asleep she ends up in bed with us. Not just sleeping but he spoons her.has his legs arms around her even their heads touching. I don't think this is appropriate she is progressing getting boobs, has started her peroid an so on. Our 7 year old boy is upset because I don't sleep in bed with him an I expect him to go to sleep alone.he does not come in bed with us. How do I fix this an tell him ive had enough with it an that it is wrong?
It's time you had a talk with your husband. Tell him to cut the apron strings. Read her a story instead or give her some earphones and mp3 player to listen to music in order to fall asleep. That's how I 'weaned' my daughter to sleep alone. If your husband gets upset about his daughter sleeping by herself then consider that he might be too attached to her and rather immature and selfish. She needs her privacy. Let her have it. Otherwise, she won't respect her own personal space later and men might take advantage of that.
(: Its so good to hear! Thank you! It can seem thankless when you do the right thing vs. doing the easy thing, but I'll tell you what, it makes it much easier to look in the mirror!!!!
With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility. I'm so glad you knew to reach out and talk about this. Your a full partner. Number One Female. and don't you ever let anyone tell you any different.
a biological parent can disregard his or her own child more than a step parent could ever conceive of. , and a step parent can love a step child as much as their own, or at least reasonably consider the child's needs and well being as much as they would if they were a biological parent.
hear hear Best Answer
many many bio parents would not ever consider having their kids in their beds, especially if they were still lovemaking
i would think that maybe those that do, do put lovemaking on hold
that can be a mistake
i have SO MUCH RESPECT for every word, and every consideration that you've made here, on this post GRACE313
BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO
iYou must be as good in the board room as you are in the home.
They say that kids are better adjusted for this worlds with parents that are working. And if that's the case, YES it IS VITAL TO A MARRIAGE TO KEEP THE SANCTITY OF THE MARITAL BED
AND YES, NON BIO PARENT,S BLENDED MARRIAGE SHOULD BE HELD IN EXACTLY THE SAME REGARD AS THE FIRST MARRIAGE
FOR GOODNESS SAKE
Good for you Gracie. You're stellar. It'll be good to see your work here, when you have the time that is, haha
hear hear Best Answer
many many bio parents would not ever consider having their kids in their beds, especially if they were still lovemaking
i would think that maybe those that do, do put lovemaking on hold
that can be a mistake
i have SO MUCH RESPECT for every word, and every consideration that you've made here, on this post GRACE313
BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO
iYou must be as good in the board room as you are in the home.
They say that kids are better adjusted for this worlds with parents that are working. And if that's the case, YES it IS VITAL TO A MARRIAGE TO KEEP THE SANCTITY OF THE MARITAL BED
AND YES, NON BIO PARENT,S BLENDED MARRIAGE SHOULD BE HELD IN EXACTLY THE SAME REGARD AS THE FIRST MARRIAGE
FOR GOODNESS SAKE
Good for you Gracie. You're stellar. It'll be good to see your work here, when you have the time that is, haha
Excuse my grammatical errors, this PC and its user are tired.
Yes, good luck.
My advice to the poster is to address the issue with tact and suggest some healthy ways for the father to fulfill his daughter's need for attention during waking hours.
I suggested mine spend a day with his one on one. I do this with mine, and it is good for the parent and the child.
Yes, good luck.
My advice to the poster is to address the issue with tact and suggest some healthy ways for the father to fulfill his daughter's need for attention during waking hours.
I suggested mine spend a day with his one on one. I do this with mine, and it is good for the parent and the child.
I am assuming both parties are reasonable people with good intent.
I advise any single parent to fully and completely address issues such as these prior to combining households. The need for love and companionship is so great in single parent households, and many look to the kids to fill this void which is so unhealthy and so unfair to the kids. Those are the kids to be sad for. They are the ones who have to worry for their parents, and feel as though they need to be their for their parents, when it is the parent who should be there for the child.
Children do not need to be held all night long, it does not hurt them to sleep alone and give the parents (or adults) space to sleep together as husband and wife. No child ever grew up damaged because they were made to sleep in their own bed as a child.
I would be worried if the step parent insisted on other things such as trying to break the parental bond, or not bonding with child themselves.
These sleep and boundary issues are not out of line. If the biological parent wants a second relationship, they need to treat it as a first relationship. Both adults involved need to be aware and considerate of the sensitivity the children may have to this new union, but also forge the union between them above all else-- again this is not to say they should disregard the child or not consider they may have to make some compromises.
I advise any single parent to fully and completely address issues such as these prior to combining households. The need for love and companionship is so great in single parent households, and many look to the kids to fill this void which is so unhealthy and so unfair to the kids. Those are the kids to be sad for. They are the ones who have to worry for their parents, and feel as though they need to be their for their parents, when it is the parent who should be there for the child.
Children do not need to be held all night long, it does not hurt them to sleep alone and give the parents (or adults) space to sleep together as husband and wife. No child ever grew up damaged because they were made to sleep in their own bed as a child.
I would be worried if the step parent insisted on other things such as trying to break the parental bond, or not bonding with child themselves.
These sleep and boundary issues are not out of line. If the biological parent wants a second relationship, they need to treat it as a first relationship. Both adults involved need to be aware and considerate of the sensitivity the children may have to this new union, but also forge the union between them above all else-- again this is not to say they should disregard the child or not consider they may have to make some compromises.
Fitmommy, these issues are unique to wives or girlfriends of men that had children before them. I'm sorry, but they just are. I have not a single friend EVER that isn't a divorcee with a new man that talks about how close their husbands or partners are to their kids.
***It is because it is blending two backgrounds, two different ideals, after the fact. If I had stayed with my husband and he decided it is a good idea to sleep with our 10 year old, I'd tell him it is not! You view it as interfering or jealousy, but its fitting into their lives as an equal role. I don't think the OP is suggesting her husband not have a good relationship with his daughter. I'd hope that she, as I, want him to have a good relationship with his daughter... as any good man and good parent would have with any of his children... but the OP as I, and many many others have the opinion that bedtime is not the time for snuggling with the kids.. especially as they age. You and I both have read posts on this (one of them being my own) and the girls age, and do not change the boundaries on their own.
If it is truly a parenting style issue, this would have been better caught prior to a union, and the OP or anyone else could have identified the potential for crisis and resolved it or left the relationship.
I think it is sad for the kids.
*** I'd like to think these step parents are monsters trying to control and seek the sole attention of their spouses. Many step families are very well adjusted without these issues.
And I'd never in a million years allow a man to try to come between myself and my kids. No matter how much I loved him. I'd kick him to the curb for attempting to interfere with my relationship with my children. that will always be the most important thing to me and what is different about a relationship where both people in it are bio parents is that they both feel that way and support it and it makes their relationship stronger verses relationships where it is a new partner and a bio parent where the new partner tries to drive a wedge between it.
****I agree, but the issue of boundaries is not about trying to drive a wedge between a parent and a child. Its about converging as one strong union as a the original parents perhaps wet out to do, and parenting the kids despite their DNA, together. I am guessing this is not an issue you are very familiar with, there are issues foreign to families that still have biological parents of the children in the same household. Step parents want to love and be loved as if they are the biological parent, as if they were the first wife or husband... not an afterthought or be on the back burner. What about the resent of the step parent? Don't they deserve to feel important, valued, and have their opinion respected as much as a biological parent once married? The biological parent of the child obviously considers their spouse worthy if they married them, they have equal say on parenting children who are living under their roof. To say they do not is unfair to the step parent. A step parent's boundaries are of equal importance to every one else's in the household.
My husband wouldn't be insulted to hear my kids feelings at this time in our life is my priority . . . he'd agree and call me a good mom and I'd call him a good dad. And this makes us closer because we mutually love those kids to death. Raising them both together. Both seeing them as our top priority.
***There is a difference in making the kids your top priority, and putting your marriage last. Prioritizing kids first is important, but so is the marriage. These divorced parents had marriages that didn't survive for various reasons, probably not many of them had to do with not being good enough parents. Making your partner a priority is important. You would probably begin to feel unsatisfied and unloved if your husband slept with your daughter in lieu of you on all or even most nights.
I am reading your responses as "A non-biological parent cannot love a child that is not of their DNA the same a biological parent can." On the flip side of that, a biological parent can disregard his or her own child more than a step parent could ever conceive of. , and a step parent can love a step child as much as their own, or at least reasonably consider the child's needs and well being as much as they would if they were a biological parent.
***It is because it is blending two backgrounds, two different ideals, after the fact. If I had stayed with my husband and he decided it is a good idea to sleep with our 10 year old, I'd tell him it is not! You view it as interfering or jealousy, but its fitting into their lives as an equal role. I don't think the OP is suggesting her husband not have a good relationship with his daughter. I'd hope that she, as I, want him to have a good relationship with his daughter... as any good man and good parent would have with any of his children... but the OP as I, and many many others have the opinion that bedtime is not the time for snuggling with the kids.. especially as they age. You and I both have read posts on this (one of them being my own) and the girls age, and do not change the boundaries on their own.
If it is truly a parenting style issue, this would have been better caught prior to a union, and the OP or anyone else could have identified the potential for crisis and resolved it or left the relationship.
I think it is sad for the kids.
*** I'd like to think these step parents are monsters trying to control and seek the sole attention of their spouses. Many step families are very well adjusted without these issues.
And I'd never in a million years allow a man to try to come between myself and my kids. No matter how much I loved him. I'd kick him to the curb for attempting to interfere with my relationship with my children. that will always be the most important thing to me and what is different about a relationship where both people in it are bio parents is that they both feel that way and support it and it makes their relationship stronger verses relationships where it is a new partner and a bio parent where the new partner tries to drive a wedge between it.
****I agree, but the issue of boundaries is not about trying to drive a wedge between a parent and a child. Its about converging as one strong union as a the original parents perhaps wet out to do, and parenting the kids despite their DNA, together. I am guessing this is not an issue you are very familiar with, there are issues foreign to families that still have biological parents of the children in the same household. Step parents want to love and be loved as if they are the biological parent, as if they were the first wife or husband... not an afterthought or be on the back burner. What about the resent of the step parent? Don't they deserve to feel important, valued, and have their opinion respected as much as a biological parent once married? The biological parent of the child obviously considers their spouse worthy if they married them, they have equal say on parenting children who are living under their roof. To say they do not is unfair to the step parent. A step parent's boundaries are of equal importance to every one else's in the household.
My husband wouldn't be insulted to hear my kids feelings at this time in our life is my priority . . . he'd agree and call me a good mom and I'd call him a good dad. And this makes us closer because we mutually love those kids to death. Raising them both together. Both seeing them as our top priority.
***There is a difference in making the kids your top priority, and putting your marriage last. Prioritizing kids first is important, but so is the marriage. These divorced parents had marriages that didn't survive for various reasons, probably not many of them had to do with not being good enough parents. Making your partner a priority is important. You would probably begin to feel unsatisfied and unloved if your husband slept with your daughter in lieu of you on all or even most nights.
I am reading your responses as "A non-biological parent cannot love a child that is not of their DNA the same a biological parent can." On the flip side of that, a biological parent can disregard his or her own child more than a step parent could ever conceive of. , and a step parent can love a step child as much as their own, or at least reasonably consider the child's needs and well being as much as they would if they were a biological parent.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I do feel it is very hard to blend families together. The failure rate of second marriages with kids is very high because it is so hard. But it can be done. I think it works out best when you can step aside for someone's kids a bit. Oh my gosh, your partners may so appreciate that. And allowing them to feel like they can parent as they wish, love their kids as they wish will make them love you more rather than feeling like their kids are being judged, their wife is being threatened by their relationship with their kids, like they are being torn in two directions . . . I promise you, your marriage will be stronger if you try to get over trying to control this aspect of their lives.
good luck
good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
Fitmommy, these issues are unique to wives or girlfriends of men that had children before them. I'm sorry, but they just are. I have not a single friend EVER that isn't a divorcee with a new man that talks about how close their husbands or partners are to their kids.
I think it is sad for the kids.
I really do.
And I'd never in a million years allow a man to try to come between myself and my kids. No matter how much I loved him. I'd kick him to the curb for attempting to interfere with my relationship with my children. that will always be the most important thing to me and what is different about a relationship where both people in it are bio parents is that they both feel that way and support it and it makes their relationship stronger verses relationships where it is a new partner and a bio parent where the new partner tries to drive a wedge between it.
My husband wouldn't be insulted to hear my kids feelings at this time in our life is my priority . . . he'd agree and call me a good mom and I'd call him a good dad. And this makes us closer because we mutually love those kids to death. Raising them both together. Both seeing them as our top priority.
good luck
I think it is sad for the kids.
I really do.
And I'd never in a million years allow a man to try to come between myself and my kids. No matter how much I loved him. I'd kick him to the curb for attempting to interfere with my relationship with my children. that will always be the most important thing to me and what is different about a relationship where both people in it are bio parents is that they both feel that way and support it and it makes their relationship stronger verses relationships where it is a new partner and a bio parent where the new partner tries to drive a wedge between it.
My husband wouldn't be insulted to hear my kids feelings at this time in our life is my priority . . . he'd agree and call me a good mom and I'd call him a good dad. And this makes us closer because we mutually love those kids to death. Raising them both together. Both seeing them as our top priority.
good luck
I am a single mother. I have two daughters who are now in grade school. I did notice they craved more time after bed when we lived on our own. I allowed it when I needed it, but I quickly saw this as selfish. Despite my own need for a cuddle buddy, I made them sleep in their own beds. They are very well adjusted, happy girls. They have great self esteem and a healthy view of others. They talk their problems out with me. I consider their feelings or if they are having an "off" night, but I do not let them harbor feelings of anxiety over being in their own bedrooms.
If they can't feel safe in their own bedrooms, then where?
It obviously won't end if I don't force them to overcome it. I approach this gently and lovingly but consistently. I am their parent, not their companion.
While it might not be sexual, it does seem to be an exaggerated show of love for a child, an unnecessary one, and one that causes many many issues.
I am also dating a man whose children sleep in his bed or on the floor his bedroom sometimes while I am there or not. I began refusing to sleep over while they are there, and he began putting them in their own beds and asking them to stay there. They don't resent me or him for this, he also strengthened his relationship with them during the day and seeking more respect from his children. They still love him, and are more well behaved and respectful to him for this.
We keep sleepovers to a minimum, but enjoy blending time together with each other's respective children. I have a positive outlook on the outcome of this.
If they can't feel safe in their own bedrooms, then where?
It obviously won't end if I don't force them to overcome it. I approach this gently and lovingly but consistently. I am their parent, not their companion.
While it might not be sexual, it does seem to be an exaggerated show of love for a child, an unnecessary one, and one that causes many many issues.
I am also dating a man whose children sleep in his bed or on the floor his bedroom sometimes while I am there or not. I began refusing to sleep over while they are there, and he began putting them in their own beds and asking them to stay there. They don't resent me or him for this, he also strengthened his relationship with them during the day and seeking more respect from his children. They still love him, and are more well behaved and respectful to him for this.
We keep sleepovers to a minimum, but enjoy blending time together with each other's respective children. I have a positive outlook on the outcome of this.
"What if you both were to agree, say maybe on weekends, or on a few scheduled days during the week, for the daughter to be allowed to sleep in your bed? Maybe even your son would like this idea too? Make it a family sleep over night maybe? "
I occasionally do a sleepover in the living room after movie night. Its like camping at home... the kids love it and it creates an atmosphere that doesn't confuse the guidelines.
"In my opinion, you should have an open conversation w/ your husband about the sleeping arrangements, but I wouldn't say anything about you thinking that it's wrong because then he might shut down the conversation altogether, or he might possibly view you as being jealous (?)... "
You should be able to have an open conversation about this.. but pick your timing and words carefully. Also, discuss the fact that you aren't able to have adult relations while the child is in the room/nearby. Sex is important for couples and vital to marriages/unions.
I occasionally do a sleepover in the living room after movie night. Its like camping at home... the kids love it and it creates an atmosphere that doesn't confuse the guidelines.
"In my opinion, you should have an open conversation w/ your husband about the sleeping arrangements, but I wouldn't say anything about you thinking that it's wrong because then he might shut down the conversation altogether, or he might possibly view you as being jealous (?)... "
You should be able to have an open conversation about this.. but pick your timing and words carefully. Also, discuss the fact that you aren't able to have adult relations while the child is in the room/nearby. Sex is important for couples and vital to marriages/unions.
I say this as a parent.
Children are manipulative. And as humans, we all crave human contact. My two year old used to use the "I'm scared" bit on me, and I saw it as an excuse to get out of bed. I allowed her in on certain times, but I think it is healthier for my children to learn autonomy and sleep in their own beds.
As they grow, it will be vital for them to first get educated, then a career, then start their own lives with a partner. Not to first seek a partner. I think this behavior--co-sleeping past toddler years creates co-dependency tendencies which will wreak havoc on them, their partners, you and yours.
What is worse? Enforcing bed rules or dealing with a lifetime of resentment of your partner and poor inter-relations for your child? They may push and test, but they will eventually see if you stay consistent.
Children are manipulative. And as humans, we all crave human contact. My two year old used to use the "I'm scared" bit on me, and I saw it as an excuse to get out of bed. I allowed her in on certain times, but I think it is healthier for my children to learn autonomy and sleep in their own beds.
As they grow, it will be vital for them to first get educated, then a career, then start their own lives with a partner. Not to first seek a partner. I think this behavior--co-sleeping past toddler years creates co-dependency tendencies which will wreak havoc on them, their partners, you and yours.
What is worse? Enforcing bed rules or dealing with a lifetime of resentment of your partner and poor inter-relations for your child? They may push and test, but they will eventually see if you stay consistent.
I agree making him feel uncomfortable or defensive will backfire... you have to find a tactful way of expressing your boundaries and concerns.
" And if you try to make his daughter into a sexual being to him and tell him that his cuddling with her is inappropriate, he might resent that. SHE is his top priority and came before you."
***A marriage is between a man and woman, regardless of the biological parent, the woman is first to the man, and the children are second. The children leave the nest and the man and woman live life out for the rest of their lives. The children aren't a distant second, but second nonetheless.
"These things never come up when the child is shared by both parents."
***To each their own, however, I would have issues with my husband if he did this with our daughter. He made the decision when she was a toddler that she is no longer welcome in our showers. I thought it was appropriate as well. She still sometimes showers with me, but we are same gender, and it is few and far between.
"It is not competition."
***I've faced similar issues, and I have analyzed whether or not I felt in competition or jealousy or just plain unsettled about the situation, and it is definitely just being unsettled. I encourage, respect, and adore a close relationship between my boyfriend and his daughters, but I am unsettled when she reaches out to him in a way that would be more appropriate for a girlfriend or wife to reach out to him. He has to set healthy boundaries--there are better ways for her to get attention from him than sleeping together. Obviously this isn't addressed during waking hours. There are better ways for them to be close than her sleeping in his room especially as a developing pre-teen. She needs to learn healthy personal boundaries so she doesn't become promiscuous or think it is o.k. to sleep with someone she may naively deem as safe. Her ideas of these boundaries will differ from many others and she may put herself into unsafe situations, lead someone on, or seek more intense closeness to fill that role. I do not think it is healthy or appropriate. As a same gender parent I teach my girls as they age they do not need this type of affection, rather show them affection and attention during the day in "healthier" ways.
***A marriage is between a man and woman, regardless of the biological parent, the woman is first to the man, and the children are second. The children leave the nest and the man and woman live life out for the rest of their lives. The children aren't a distant second, but second nonetheless.
"These things never come up when the child is shared by both parents."
***To each their own, however, I would have issues with my husband if he did this with our daughter. He made the decision when she was a toddler that she is no longer welcome in our showers. I thought it was appropriate as well. She still sometimes showers with me, but we are same gender, and it is few and far between.
"It is not competition."
***I've faced similar issues, and I have analyzed whether or not I felt in competition or jealousy or just plain unsettled about the situation, and it is definitely just being unsettled. I encourage, respect, and adore a close relationship between my boyfriend and his daughters, but I am unsettled when she reaches out to him in a way that would be more appropriate for a girlfriend or wife to reach out to him. He has to set healthy boundaries--there are better ways for her to get attention from him than sleeping together. Obviously this isn't addressed during waking hours. There are better ways for them to be close than her sleeping in his room especially as a developing pre-teen. She needs to learn healthy personal boundaries so she doesn't become promiscuous or think it is o.k. to sleep with someone she may naively deem as safe. Her ideas of these boundaries will differ from many others and she may put herself into unsafe situations, lead someone on, or seek more intense closeness to fill that role. I do not think it is healthy or appropriate. As a same gender parent I teach my girls as they age they do not need this type of affection, rather show them affection and attention during the day in "healthier" ways.
Hi,
I agree with what all of the above posters have wrote; but I do think because your marriage is only a little over a year old, you and your husband deserve privacy at least a few days a week. Otherwise, how would both of you ever have any time or space for intimacy?? What if you just wanted to sleep and snuggle w/ each other w/out a kid around?
What if you both were to agree, say maybe on weekends, or on a few scheduled days during the week, for the daughter to be allowed to sleep in your bed? Maybe even your son would like this idea too? Make it a family sleep over night maybe?
Is there any reason behind her not wanting to sleep in her room alone ~ is she afraid or scared of something? One of my kids was scared to sleep in his room for a long time ( in fact he slept w/ me for years because of that) due to our house being broken into...
In my opinion, you should have an open conversation w/ your husband about the sleeping arrangements, but I wouldn't say anything about you thinking that it's wrong because then he might shut down the conversation altogether, or he might possibly view you as being jealous (?)...
Good Luck :)
I agree with what all of the above posters have wrote; but I do think because your marriage is only a little over a year old, you and your husband deserve privacy at least a few days a week. Otherwise, how would both of you ever have any time or space for intimacy?? What if you just wanted to sleep and snuggle w/ each other w/out a kid around?
What if you both were to agree, say maybe on weekends, or on a few scheduled days during the week, for the daughter to be allowed to sleep in your bed? Maybe even your son would like this idea too? Make it a family sleep over night maybe?
Is there any reason behind her not wanting to sleep in her room alone ~ is she afraid or scared of something? One of my kids was scared to sleep in his room for a long time ( in fact he slept w/ me for years because of that) due to our house being broken into...
In my opinion, you should have an open conversation w/ your husband about the sleeping arrangements, but I wouldn't say anything about you thinking that it's wrong because then he might shut down the conversation altogether, or he might possibly view you as being jealous (?)...
Good Luck :)
My husband and I are just now dealing with getting our son to stop sleeping between us in our bed and he is 8. He says he's scared, and comes in and gets in bed with us. He just does it for comfort, and I would be appalled if my husband got worried that there was anything sexual in it between me and my son. He just never would go into that line of thought. (The only reason we want him out of our bed is that he is a kicker, and spreads out and knees us and sleeps crookedly.)
My guess is that your husband's daughter is a bit anxious, and given that the status of you two as a couple is new, her life is not smoothed down yet from all the changes. I'd try to let it be. You can subtly make room for her so she and your husband don't have to "spoon" if you like, but don't say anything to your husband that indicates you think the situation is sexual. He would probably be appalled at you for thinking it.
Good luck, being a stepmom is its own special world. Try hard to be 100% supportive to those kids, they so need it, and that is the best spot for a stepparent, the cheering squad.
My guess is that your husband's daughter is a bit anxious, and given that the status of you two as a couple is new, her life is not smoothed down yet from all the changes. I'd try to let it be. You can subtly make room for her so she and your husband don't have to "spoon" if you like, but don't say anything to your husband that indicates you think the situation is sexual. He would probably be appalled at you for thinking it.
Good luck, being a stepmom is its own special world. Try hard to be 100% supportive to those kids, they so need it, and that is the best spot for a stepparent, the cheering squad.
COMMUNITY LEADER
And I did want to say that I know it is hard to blend families. I am sorry you are having issues accepting his daughter as she is. Try to not read too much into things or make your partner uncomfortable about his daughter. That very much backfires quite often. good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi and welcome.
Well, guess what happened last night. I was putting my 10 year old son to bed and laid down with him. Gave him a back scratch and we were chatting and I fell asleep. I'd taken my kids swimming yesterday and was just super tired and out I went. It's happened before. I got up at about 3 am. Husband told me he looked in and saw me and thought we looked so cute and shut the door.
So, I don't think this is odd. Especially if she is not with you all the time.
Do you have children? I honestly think that the vast majority of parents don't look at their children as sexual beings but as their babies. And if you try to make his daughter into a sexual being to him and tell him that his cuddling with her is inappropriate, he might resent that. SHE is his top priority and came before you.
Certainly, kids become more self conscious usually and are less all over their parents. My 11 year old has pulled back a bit. But you know what, he also likes to cuddle a bit with me. Why would I tell him no? He'll be a grown man and gone and any cuddles from mom would be ancient history. So, if he still feels like he needs a hug, wants to lay on my bed with me while we watch a show or sit right next to me with his leg laying over mine, it's really not a big deal.
Women that marry men with kids very often have issues with their partner's daughters. They see them entirely differently than little girls and their daddy's. These things never come up when the child is shared by both parents. This is something to think about. What really is behind your feelings. It is NOT a competition. good luck
Well, guess what happened last night. I was putting my 10 year old son to bed and laid down with him. Gave him a back scratch and we were chatting and I fell asleep. I'd taken my kids swimming yesterday and was just super tired and out I went. It's happened before. I got up at about 3 am. Husband told me he looked in and saw me and thought we looked so cute and shut the door.
So, I don't think this is odd. Especially if she is not with you all the time.
Do you have children? I honestly think that the vast majority of parents don't look at their children as sexual beings but as their babies. And if you try to make his daughter into a sexual being to him and tell him that his cuddling with her is inappropriate, he might resent that. SHE is his top priority and came before you.
Certainly, kids become more self conscious usually and are less all over their parents. My 11 year old has pulled back a bit. But you know what, he also likes to cuddle a bit with me. Why would I tell him no? He'll be a grown man and gone and any cuddles from mom would be ancient history. So, if he still feels like he needs a hug, wants to lay on my bed with me while we watch a show or sit right next to me with his leg laying over mine, it's really not a big deal.
Women that marry men with kids very often have issues with their partner's daughters. They see them entirely differently than little girls and their daddy's. These things never come up when the child is shared by both parents. This is something to think about. What really is behind your feelings. It is NOT a competition. good luck
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