Fear, still can't get over it....why?

[ioklokolk98]

Hey All,

My girlfriend and I broke up five months ago after almost five years. There were many issues, but it wasn't that bad we were getting along pretty good. I wasn't fully happy, missing something and she didn't want to do anything to help us. It was doable. There was no big love feelings from the beginning from my side, I was into her, but I kind of grown my love over time. I couldn't decide if she was the one because I was missing the independent everyday life with her. I had problems with deciding if I want to spend my life with her because these issues. Now few months pass and I feel weird, still questioning myself if I made right decision, remembering good times, forgetting issues and arguments. I am not so sure I would be able to come back, many things would need to be changed, but I am still really affected by the whole situation. I am questioning myself: maybe there is something wrong with me, I am bad, picky person. I feel kind of lost, lonely, and hard to adjust to be single and there is this FEAR that I am 31 (scary) right now and I will end up alone, I will not meet anybody as good as she was. I want to love, be loved and start the family,that is my dream. I don't know why am I still thinking about it and suffer and I am so unhappy and lonely.....

[ioklokolk98]

Thank you so much for your story. I wish you the best!!!!!!

[adgal]

Let me tell you a story that might make you feel a bit better.  I had had relationships, some longer then others, but none of them quite fulfilled me or gave me what I needed.  By my early 30's I had accepted the fact that I was just not the "marrying type" and focused on what I needed to make me happy.  I had a great life...great family, friends, a career that was very satisfying.  I was a very happy person.  At 35 I met a man that I quickly became friends with, and soon realized that all the pieces fit.  He wasn't what I needed to be happy, he instead added to and enhanced the positive place my life was already in.  I hope I am making sense, this is hard to explain.  What came to be between us was just "right".  I don't know how else to explain it.  Within 2 years we were married and have now been happily married for 3 years with a beautiful baby boy on the way (due in January).  My point is, we need to find happiness within ourselves. Then, if and when the right person comes along, it's easier to recognize and accept.  I married for the right reasons...not because I was lonely or anything was missing.  Our relationship is wonderful for the most part (although it's certainly far from perfect) and I know in my heart this is for a lifetime.  I am glad I waited and focused on myself in that time frame.  I am so glad I didn't "settle" for less then I needed or wanted.  It was worth it!  I know many would say 37 was old to get married, and 40 is old to be having our baby, but for me, it works.  We only have one life to live and we owe it to ourselves to live it to the fullest and be happy!  You'll meet someone right.  And you will know that it is right when it is.  Good luck and take care.

[Julie359]

awwwww HUGS!!!!! we all feel lonely at times, try not to let it get to you too much, fill ur spare time with new activities so u don't have too much time to sit and ponder...... It will get better xx

[Bebechen]

as my mother always said to me.....if it is meant to be, it will happen:)

[teko]

31 is not old. When you meet the right person, you will know and their will be none of the doubts you find yourself feeling now. You perhaps just saved yourself a bad marriage and painful divorce. Look at it this way, you soul mate is still waiting to meet you.

[Judy246]

Your only 31...you've got a lot of living to do :)

[ioklokolk98]

Joe, Julie, Judy, thank you much It's all makes sense. I had hard time in our relationship accepting the way she approaches life. Maybe I just feel lonely......and old:-)

[Judy246]

Hi, It sounds as if you just don't know what you want in a relationship at this point in time with self doubts, so I recommend that you take some time to sort out your inner feelings, what you want in life and what steps and direction go to.  If you feel you have made a mistake breaking up with this girl, just contact her, meet with her and discuss the issues in the relationship, what needs to be addressed and reconsiliation if possible, but don't do it only because you feel lonely. I personally enjoy my quite time to think about life, where I am at and where I am going. Another option is to just date without committing yourself to an exclusive committed relationship, but you need to make it clear from the very beginning, so that you don't end up hurting anyone. I'm sure at the right time, the right woman will come along naturally and without trying too hard.  Also, you have a lot of time ahead of you and I'm sure the right one will come along sooner that what you thing. Good Luck, Judy

[Julie359]

I think the reason ur having doubts as to weather u did the right thing is because of what u said at the end......that ur scared ur gona be on ur own.  U had numerous doubts in this relationship so u both called it off, but now ur having a period of loneliness ur atuomatically attracted to the thought of her.  Tell me if u had someone else right now would u feel like this?  Would u even give her a second thought? Proberly not....   It's just ur frightened of being alone and thats not a good enough reason to go back into a relationship that didn't work.  Hold out and u'll eventually find the right woman for u.... It feels right now it will never happen but trust me when ur least expecting it, it will happen.

[jo929]

If you have doubts, and by your post you have many of them, let it go for awhile after all you spent 5 years together and did not marry, so why now your post shows that she is not the one you want to marry, and you cant change people age is a matter of the mind 31 is young when love comes just maybe you will know it, i knew this couple he was in the service they went together 6 years and she fully expected marriage, and he said lets wait untill i get out of the service 5 months later he wrote her he said he was sorry, but he had met a woman, and he loved her so much he married her, well it hurt the other woman terrible, but it could have been worse, he could have met her after marriage ther was a reason he was waiting, and in my heart i felt they would never get married 5 or 6 years is to long to live together and not tie the knot, so let her go and move on with your life  luck  jo this is just my personal opinion for what it is worth