Fiance into masturbation more than me??

[Crystlas]

This is kind of a unique question but I need help.  My fiance and I live together and have a pretty healthy sex life.  We make love on average twice a week.  However, I have caught him masturbating a lot lately.  I always knew it went on and it makes me feel inadequte.  He mastubates more than we have sex.  He told me he only has the energy/stamina to have sex twice a week.  He also told me that masturbation and sex are two different things and has nothing to do with his sex drive for me, which he claims is only two times a week.  I get upset when he does it when I am home.  He assures me that it is used for stress relief and sometimes fantasy while looking at porn.  I am just curious as to why he feels the need to masturbate when I am home and not come to me?  He got upset when I said this, saying that it is just to relax for a few minutes and no big deal.  Am I worrying for nothing?  Should I just accept this as not being a big deal?  Is is normal for a man to be in a happy relationship and still rely on masturbation some, even though I am always willing? Thank you.

[jml1986]

I do think that if you have been cheated on in the past, that you do tend to be a little unsure of things in your current relationships. Time will tell you that this is not something to worry about. I think it is great that you have been open enough to talk it out with him.

[Crystlas]

I do sometimes do maturbate with him and to him, as well as to each other.  He enjoys it, but sometimes enjoys alone time in his office late at night.  He and I had a good talk about it.  He said that sometimes he just does not have the energy for sexual activity with me due to work,stress etc.  He said his main reasons of masturbating is, stress relief and to help him sleep.  He also enjoys it and said that sometimes when he is feeling tired it is easier than bothering me when he does not have the energy for sex.  I did tell him it is weird of him to do it while I am home and would like him to try and include me in on it when he is home.  He said that sounded good to him.  That made me happy.  If he does it while I am not home or late at night when I am asleep, then ok.  We do have sex on a normal basis and it is always awsome.  The reason the wedding is so far off is finances.  We have to save money first and are just starting out together in our apartment.  We want a kick *** honeymoon and that requires money! :)   We were so ready to get engaged and start planning, but need time to save first.  No, he has no problems with commitment, he is an amazing fellow.  Very loving and always comes home to me.  I just need a male point of view, other than my fiance.  Why do men feel the need to masturbate to porn anyhow?  I enjoy watching it sometimes too, but not that often.  We do sometimes watch it together.  Why do I have such issues with him doing that alone though?  I want to get over it and not care!  Our sex life is wonderful so what is my deal?  Do you guys think it is because I had a ******* of a first husband whom cheated?  I am trying to get a handle on this and move on with our life together.  Thanks you guys! :)

[girliegrl1723]

i am also curious as to how you "catch" him doing it all the time. why is he not provate about it. i don't think the maturbation is a problem but if i were you, i would also be uncomfertable with him doing it while you are home. there no reason why he can't enjoy his "alone" time when he actually is alone. and like jml said, as long as your sex life is not affected by this, i wouldn't worry. its a natural thing - guys are gonna do it (some women too, but most guys can't not do it!). good luck.

[jml1986]

I for one do not really think it is a big deal. If you have talked to him about it and he says that he just relaxes better by masterbating then I would not let it bother me. This being said, I would only say that as long as you have totally discussed this  with him and that it did not effect you alls sex life.

[RockRose]

I just went and read your profile - you're 32 and planning a wedding for May 09?  Is there some reason the wedding is such a long time away?  I kind of have a sense here he's having difficulty with intimacy and commitment.  Is that possible?A man who chooses to masturbate a lot when he has a very willing woman right there,  and the very long time distance before the marriage . . .  it sounds like he's building emotional/commitment walls.

[RockRose]

I'm curious how you're catching him a lot.  Is he not even seeking privacy?

[nastursim]

Maybe you could offer to do it for him??? Relax together. If he gets to lie back while you pleasure him it may be just what he needs?