I'm 24 and she is 23. She is 5 months pregnant and things have been horrible lately, but we got into our worst fight ever, last night. I will spare little details.
Usually me and my girlfriend (Monnie) are great and lovely dovey and what not. We have an amazing healthy relationship, yes we do argue a lot, about 3 little minor arguments which end in hugs and kisses every month; to massive verbal brawls every six months or so. Our arguments never make us question our relationship but how the other can be so stupid.
Ever since she about 16weeks pregnant things have been HORRIBLE. She is literally so cold, emotionless and mean towards me. And it's ONLY towards me; I actually have to tread on thin lines to sleep in the bed with her. She would complain that I stink, and I'm so sweaty, and I'm so heavy (I am about 6ft5 and 215lbs I am very fit and muscular though) and complains that her back is hurting and she needs more space. So I move to the couch, as the gentleman. Never the less sometimes I make the horrible mistake of asking her to sleep their, and she begins monologuing and I fear for my dear life. When we are in the house together she ignores me, and avoids me and just goes shopping with her friends all day. Her cravings have also been such a handful. She will want to eat something bizzare and then tell me to go buy it and my even eat it at all. She has this craving for sweets, and fats. She would eat vanilla ice cream, and crush Oreos all over it, and dig a spoon full of Nutella and dig a spoon full of ice cream and its it like its fruit. Whenever I comment, I once again fear more my life as she begins a soliloquy about how I think she's fat and starts crying that she will never lose the baby that. Worst of all! She is as celibate as a nun; word to God. She stills retains her body shape even though pregnant, she has a Kim kardashian type body and I count my self lucky to have that. But when she doesn't want you to touch her unless its a back rub, it's just hurtful. I try and grab her *** when I walk by and she slaps my hand when before she loved it. Also I try talking to the baby and she tells me to shut up and that my voice is annoying.
Sorry for that but I just had to tell you her attitude before hand before explaining the fight. She is very paradoxical, as she is paranoid that I might leave her and keeps pushing me away. She said i should be back my 7 every night because after that is when the single people come out and says that she knows she is being difficult but her being difficult my leave me vulnerable and she doesn't want to take chances; but if I wish to stay out later I have to call her and tell her where I am, which is reasonable. However, yesterday after work my colleagues and I ( I have known both of them since I was 11) decided to spend the night out together, they both had a girl at home and one had a kid. We decided this would be the night we won't listen to our girls. Work finished early so she wouldn't mind and she didnt know. We left work around 2 and crashed at one of our single friends house, played video games and smoked some weed; we felt young again but I regret it because I'm going to be a father soon, I must have put a spliff in my pocket and forgot about it. Later that day around 6 we went out to the town for some harmless fun, and I forgot to call her. We went to a strip club. And my friends said we should all get a lap dance for all times sake, so we did and the stripped left her fingernail varnish on me and I couldn't notice. ( too much fun)
The night went so quick and before I knew it, it was 2:30am. I got home for about 3 and she tried to sneak in bed; but she woke up and I noticed she was crying before hand cuz her voice was teary and broken. She asked why I was late and didnt call her, I told her I will explain in the morning and she shouldn't worry. She then got worked up and said "why did you call me? I called work and they said you finished early, I just wanted to know?" I was abit tired and said "**** off, what do you care, constantly pushing me away" and then she gasped and started crying saying that its hard for her, and she is scared and that being pregnant is so scary your carrying two lives. I ignored her and tried to sleep on the bed, but a spliff felt out of my pocket and she said this exactly! "Oh my god, why the **** do you think you can smoke weed when I'm pregnant and your gonna be a father" I replied and said "you stress me out that's why". Worst yet she noticed the perfumish smell lingering around me and the marks on my shirt and said "you were with a ******* girl, whilst I'm worrying about you" I then told her I was just with some friends and at a strip club and they tried to get a stripper to dance with me and she was grabbing and I said no. and then began the series if insults from both sides she called me an immature ******* who doesn't know what being a good boyfriend is, nor a father. And I called her a silly white girl who grew up rich and thinks she can get her way with people (she is white I am black, she came from a posh background; whilst I... Didnt) she started crying and saying that she doesn't want to be with me right now and that she hates me, I said its good she hates me. And she tried to call her parents and I packed her bags for her and threw her clothes all over the place and took back the things I bought for her. She was crying and said "you are a ******* *** hole, I hate you, your making me cry" I said "cry, I'm tired of being nice! And if you hate me so much, why are you carrying my child no one is forcing you to" she slapped my face and fell to the floor crying. And I
Went out to the garden for some space.
Her mum picked her up, and I hadn't noticed and fell asleep in the garden. I woke up alone and the house was a mess, I tried to call her but she wasn't answering, I visited her mums house; and she had gone to the scan I missed work today, and I can't get her out of my mind. I can't sleep, I miss and love her do much, I was stupid she is avoiding me, she is online on Facebook, but doesn't read my messages.
My questions here are...
How can I get her back?
Where exactly did I go wrong?
What should i do in the future?
Can I still ask her to marry me?
Something has her insecure. Whether it's the pregnancy and fears related to becoming a mother, her weight, some pressures on her from family or friends or society because of the fact it is a biracial relationship, some other factor, or a combination of factors is unclear.
I'm seeing a huge breakdown in communication somewhere along the line in the past. It seems like fights are there to keep from really dealing with the real issues in life. When you're fighting, you can be defensive and put up a guard. It's not as vulnerable as just talking about things. How long into the relationship did these fights start?
While I can understand you being stressed and fed up with the way she's been treating you, a night of partying with weed and strippers was NOT the answer. You already admit she's very paranoid and insecure, what did you think she would think about that? AND you hid it from her...so there's a bunch of red flags. I can understand her concern.
I'm not sure how to tell you to proceed. You both need some help, maybe couple's therapy. You BOTH need to learn how to better communicate. You're going to probably have to give her some time to move past this (if she will).
Hi also. Ask her to marry you as you probably should have married her already consider she having your child and you do love her so much.
Being with child can really stress a woman out with the hormones flying around. Just be there for her every need and tell her you love her. Its ok to blow off steam once in a while as is natural in relationships. Just support her and bring home her food cravings.
Its not a sign of weakness to bend to her every need but its a sign of your deep love for her.
I would suggest to take up some hobbies as expecting her to fulfull your every need is not what love is all about.
I would not advise moving forward toward marriage until a lot of these issues (on both sides) are worked through and resolved. When relationships are struggling, the last thing that makes sense IMO is to enter into MORE of a commitment. That doesn't fix things.
Hey dude im in the same situation but slightly different. (I will post a link below)
My advise personally would be:
1) Enjoy your free time away from her.. Give her a bit of space but not too much..
2) Smoking weed with the boys is where you messed up.
3) Try and support her as much as possible and dont let her **** you off.. Just realise that she don't really mean what she is saying when she is mad at cha
4) Yh charm her with by doing something nice - then - Bamm -propose to her and tell her you love her.. Might cheer her up!!
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