Aa
First love left me
I'm 16 now. I fell in love with a 17 year old boy when I was 15. I felt everything with him. My heart skipped a beat everytime I saw him. We spent every second of everyday together. It was the happiest I had ever been with anyone. I cooked for him, I made him hot tea when he was sick. We made love many times. I honestly felt like I was walking on air with him. But..4 months ago it all ended. He called it off. I was devastated and confused. I cried everyday and thought alot about him. I was stupid because after we had broken up we still kept in contact and had sex often. But I knew he was using me for the sex. So about two weeks ago I cut all ties with him, he tried talking to me, by text and coming up to me in the hallway but I ignored him. I'm still stunned by the fact that were over and done with. It still hurts alot. But I know that it is not wise to have contact with him again. I almost got pregnant with him before. My parents knew how much he meant to me. I just don't know how to make this feeling any better. I've talked to everyone I know about this and still no one has really lifted my spirits. I know I can't be with him. I dont know which is a worse pain not speaking to him or not being with him. Its really hard not doing either because he was my first love of course. How do I make this situation just a little bit easier to handle? And Is there any hope of me and him getting back together in the future?
I agree, You dodged a bullet if this is really over. Please reconsider what type of character you involved yourself with next. If you learn nothing from an experience, it's bound to repeat itself,.
Losing your first love is hard. It hurts a lot. And emotions are so much more intense at your age. I didn't handle my break up with my first love very well, like I developed bad anxiety attacks for the first time in my life and it got bad for me. But the next boy who came into my life kept trying to make me laugh and he was funny so I started getting over it and pretty soon I didn't care about what's his name anymore. That's how relationships and breakups go. The next boy you meet will make this last one look like dog poo. And you'll wonder why you ever allowed yourself to stay with someone like him.
Also, logically and realistically speaking, this boy wasn't good for you at all and he did you such a huge favor. Him being a drug dealer is dangerous for anyone who is around him because it's only a matter of time until he gets busted and thrown in prison. And if you're with him when he gets busted then your life and your future would be over. Being with him would literally destroy your future so this breakup is actually a very good and positive outcome for you. I realize it doesn't feel that way because you're heartbroken right now but hopefully you'll realize how bad he was for you and how being with him would guarantee a very dismal future for you.
Also, logically and realistically speaking, this boy wasn't good for you at all and he did you such a huge favor. Him being a drug dealer is dangerous for anyone who is around him because it's only a matter of time until he gets busted and thrown in prison. And if you're with him when he gets busted then your life and your future would be over. Being with him would literally destroy your future so this breakup is actually a very good and positive outcome for you. I realize it doesn't feel that way because you're heartbroken right now but hopefully you'll realize how bad he was for you and how being with him would guarantee a very dismal future for you.
oops, i meant "too"
and by "I hope that one day" I meant in a few years to come, not tomorrow.
and by "I hope that one day" I meant in a few years to come, not tomorrow.
I really do think that you're a smart girl for putting yourself out here and opening your self up to (sometimes warranted) constructive criticism. So although you are not a fan, I want you to know that I am.
And I wish the very best that life has to offer. I hope that one day I hope one day that you can say that you are in a committed loving , mature responsible relationship that lasts until the day you pass on to the next stage of existence. I truly do. I'm just forewarning you. Love is not enough to make a relationship work. There's a whole lot more to it. It looks to easy in the movies. In reality it takes years of solid preparation for a "good couple " to come together.
It doesn't take "luck", it takes an abundance of pragmatism,.and forethought.
And I wish the very best that life has to offer. I hope that one day I hope one day that you can say that you are in a committed loving , mature responsible relationship that lasts until the day you pass on to the next stage of existence. I truly do. I'm just forewarning you. Love is not enough to make a relationship work. There's a whole lot more to it. It looks to easy in the movies. In reality it takes years of solid preparation for a "good couple " to come together.
It doesn't take "luck", it takes an abundance of pragmatism,.and forethought.
COMMUNITY LEADER
And I think it is a good idea to not date for a bit as your emotions are too raw. This pain will fade and then you'll be in a better place to 'find love'. In the mean time, focus on YOU. Lots of important growing up goes on at your age. Focus on school and your future as an adult -- and independent adult. take care and good luck
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with nighthawk. When young and in the middle of it, it is hard to understand. But in the long run, it is for the best. good luck
We spent every second of everyday together.
Herein lies the problem. Until you're retired this should NOT be the case. Of course, you'll miss someone terribly, if you have stopped or not even started developing your own life. Please don't hide behind someone's shirt tails at the expense of your own development. The balance in your life would be OFF.and your life will not progress.
With that being said, you've asked whether your relationship might be feasible in the future. The fact that he broke things off (presumably) before he became active with other women is a good thing. That shows he's capable of some form of integrity. And at least on that level would not be the cause of you not having a future relationship.
On the other hand, a boy that is using his youth to buck the system, and make money from selling drugs, will likely not "go straight" , or not for long. Whenever there is an "excuse" they will resort back into their old ways. Unless they have some sort of major epiphany. The lure of easy money is too much, once you have experienced it. That's why it's good to hitch your wagon (so to speak) with those whose integrity would never allow them to make money outside of the law. If he can buck convention and sell drugs, he can also do the drugs. What else could a person like this fall into (without clear convictions)?
So, it is a good thing that he broke up with you, because there were many many red flags hat you were not able to navigate through yourself. I applaud you for not allowing him to "use" you for a booty cal, that speaks volumes as to you wanting a solid , committed, safe relationship in your life. In order to fulfill this desire, you must spend every single waking moment working on making yourself the best partner you can be, for your "forever home". The partner that you ideally seek, is spending their time right now, planning for a life, by executing every opportunity to get ahead, in school, part time work, volunteering, sports, family functions, being loyal to loved ones...and you should do the same, You just have to learn how to do that without the instant gratification that you are used to (24/7 attention, physical intimacy).
I'm sorry that you're hurting, but it is the best thing that could have happened. Living your lief with a felon is filled with pain and insecurity. Work towards a future life with a good caring solid committed, experienced man. He will be looking for these same attributes.
Remember please that you are not supposed to "fall in love" and "be committed" to everyone you date. You save that for the person that best fits your wish list in a partner and (possibly) a father to your future children.
Herein lies the problem. Until you're retired this should NOT be the case. Of course, you'll miss someone terribly, if you have stopped or not even started developing your own life. Please don't hide behind someone's shirt tails at the expense of your own development. The balance in your life would be OFF.and your life will not progress.
With that being said, you've asked whether your relationship might be feasible in the future. The fact that he broke things off (presumably) before he became active with other women is a good thing. That shows he's capable of some form of integrity. And at least on that level would not be the cause of you not having a future relationship.
On the other hand, a boy that is using his youth to buck the system, and make money from selling drugs, will likely not "go straight" , or not for long. Whenever there is an "excuse" they will resort back into their old ways. Unless they have some sort of major epiphany. The lure of easy money is too much, once you have experienced it. That's why it's good to hitch your wagon (so to speak) with those whose integrity would never allow them to make money outside of the law. If he can buck convention and sell drugs, he can also do the drugs. What else could a person like this fall into (without clear convictions)?
So, it is a good thing that he broke up with you, because there were many many red flags hat you were not able to navigate through yourself. I applaud you for not allowing him to "use" you for a booty cal, that speaks volumes as to you wanting a solid , committed, safe relationship in your life. In order to fulfill this desire, you must spend every single waking moment working on making yourself the best partner you can be, for your "forever home". The partner that you ideally seek, is spending their time right now, planning for a life, by executing every opportunity to get ahead, in school, part time work, volunteering, sports, family functions, being loyal to loved ones...and you should do the same, You just have to learn how to do that without the instant gratification that you are used to (24/7 attention, physical intimacy).
I'm sorry that you're hurting, but it is the best thing that could have happened. Living your lief with a felon is filled with pain and insecurity. Work towards a future life with a good caring solid committed, experienced man. He will be looking for these same attributes.
Remember please that you are not supposed to "fall in love" and "be committed" to everyone you date. You save that for the person that best fits your wish list in a partner and (possibly) a father to your future children.
Some days that does happen where I'm fine but some moments remind me of a happier time with him and all the pain starts coming back. But mostly I'm fine. Just those times where I haven't thought about it in a while and then it all comes rushing back to me. Makes me scared to fall in love again. Lately I've just been trying to stay away from "love".
It is likely for the best that he was honest and ended things. I was in a high school relationship, similar. We were in love, I had visions of him as my soul mate for life. (That rarely ever happens). Well I went away to college and he experienced new girls behind my back, while I was away. Trust me, that hurts more.
I know exactly what you are feeling. But it does get better over time. That was some 15 years ago, and there are things about him that I cant even remember any more.
To answer your question about the possibility of the two you one day ending up together, I believe that that is possible. Maybe taking this break from one another to experience what else is out there is just a stepping stone to a future together later on. However, please, I beg you, don't sit around wait for that to happen. The key is that you too must experience life outside of that relationship. I agree with Londres70, that you should try and find some type of activity to distract you and keep your mind off of him. One day you will be surprised when you go a whole day without thinking about him and it will only grow from there.
I know exactly what you are feeling. But it does get better over time. That was some 15 years ago, and there are things about him that I cant even remember any more.
To answer your question about the possibility of the two you one day ending up together, I believe that that is possible. Maybe taking this break from one another to experience what else is out there is just a stepping stone to a future together later on. However, please, I beg you, don't sit around wait for that to happen. The key is that you too must experience life outside of that relationship. I agree with Londres70, that you should try and find some type of activity to distract you and keep your mind off of him. One day you will be surprised when you go a whole day without thinking about him and it will only grow from there.
Lyonnaferry,
Is this the same guy who is/was a drug dealer and treated you like dirt? If it is why would you want him back?
How is he still crazy in love with you when he ended things, wants to be with other girls and can't commit to you?
Do you have any hobbies or doing anything to occupy your time in a positive way? 16 is way TOO young to be all hot and heavy in any relationship.
Is this the same guy who is/was a drug dealer and treated you like dirt? If it is why would you want him back?
How is he still crazy in love with you when he ended things, wants to be with other girls and can't commit to you?
Do you have any hobbies or doing anything to occupy your time in a positive way? 16 is way TOO young to be all hot and heavy in any relationship.
We are both still crazy in love with each other. He wanted me to be his life partner and I just couldn't do it.
He ended things because he said he wanted to have other experiences with other girls. He just couldn't be committed to me. He's graduating and I'm a junior about to graduate next year. Things are really hard but some days I just feel really down. I've gone out with other people but I'm just not that into it. I hope things do get better for me.
Sorry, didn't mean to end there.
It's so hard, but teen romances almost never last for the long haul. People change and develop in different directions--that's just normal. Your boyfriend may have simply felt he didn't want to be in such a committed relationship any longer, without the experience of other possibilities. It probably isn't about you at all. Right now I know 2 young couples who have recently gone through this, and they all are coping well with this next phase of their lives.
It's so hard, but teen romances almost never last for the long haul. People change and develop in different directions--that's just normal. Your boyfriend may have simply felt he didn't want to be in such a committed relationship any longer, without the experience of other possibilities. It probably isn't about you at all. Right now I know 2 young couples who have recently gone through this, and they all are coping well with this next phase of their lives.
I can just imagine how heartbroken you are. It's very tough losing your first love. About a hundred years ago I was in your position, except I was the one doing the breaking up, because I felt it just had to be done. Still, it was awful and I cried for months.
I know you don't want to hear this and won't believe it, but time does take care of heartbreak. Your school will be out soon, so try to absolutely fill your summer with activities. Maybe volunteer somewhere, join some groups, make some new friends. Give yourself some private time every day when you can cry if you need to, but at other times do your best not to dwell on things. Knowing you'll have the private time will help a lot.
I know you don't want to hear this and won't believe it, but time does take care of heartbreak. Your school will be out soon, so try to absolutely fill your summer with activities. Maybe volunteer somewhere, join some groups, make some new friends. Give yourself some private time every day when you can cry if you need to, but at other times do your best not to dwell on things. Knowing you'll have the private time will help a lot.
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