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Avatar universal

For the men only "PLEASE"

There really is not a men's social group as their is for women so I am going to post this here and ask the men only from their eyes.  

What is being a man mean to you?
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Avatar universal
" If you have kids it ensures you can have more kids but your ex will still be tied to you more through the concious and subconcious realizatin he can't have any more kids.  He is now dependent on you if he has any desire to have access to his kids. "

I believe this statement to be true.  I have actually heard this from women before.  I don't believe that it is true for all relationships, but I have heard, and was shocked to hear, this kind of statement from women, and mostly they were women with a great deal of money.... no other kids to split the dough with if the hubby leaves her.  

I personally feel that neither man nor woman should take away their ability to have children.
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657440 tn?1224571511
Wow allot of opinions. And if you really think about it they can all be the correct one, after all they are all opinions. I had my vasectomy because I saw the pain of my wife going thru the birth of my daughter. She said that she didn't want anyomre children and I didn't want her to have to go and get her tubes tied since she has already had my child. Sad thing is 3 years after my daughters birth she came down with endometriosis(sp?) and had to have a Historectomy. Now we both can't have children, neither one of us  want to have any more children, but our marraige has been on the rocks since her historectomy. The choice to have the vasectomy was all mine, and I have no regrets! If a time comes that I am no longer with this woman, I will pray that, and only if I choose to re-enter the dating pool, the woman whom I meet will have the understanding that I do not wish to produce any more children.

On another view, men who have had a Vasectomy and wish to have more children do have another option, invetro fertilization. We are still producing sperm which can be extracted and implanted into our spouse. It may be VERY expensive but we still have that option.
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13167 tn?1327194124
SS,  sorry to step in to your men only thread,  but I have a perspective here on vasectomies and divorce.

Yes,  there does seem to be a correlation between rocky marriages,  vasectomies and then the divorce occurs within a year or so.

But you've got the dynamic wrong,  from my perspective.  I have two friends who did this - their husbands got a vasectomy and within the year they divorced him.

But it's not the reasons you state.

Their thinking is,  I about hate this guy,  don't want to have sex,  CERTAINLY don't want to get pregnant again because I'm about out the door.    The man knows this marriage is very rocky,  knows his wife won't take the pill or get a tubal because frankly she doesn't want to have sex and so why put herself through misery to do it,  so he gets the vasectomy thinking that's the magic cure.

It isn't.  She's still miserable and after awhile leaves when all hope of a civil relationship seems lost.

And that's a far cry from your thought she's trying to cut him so she cuts other women out of the picture.  Have you actually had women SAY that to you?  

Look again at this.  *Ducks back out of the men's room.*


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Avatar universal
How does a woman "make" a man get a vasectomy?  In reality, that would pretty hard to convince someone do that to themselves if they really didn't want to do it.  Maybe if a man was gullible, the woman could control him and his reproductive choices (just as some men have convinced a woman to get their tubes tied or have abortions), but I think those couples are in the minority.

In fact, I've known many men who WANT them, they don't need any encouragement.  Their wives might even want to discourage it in the event that something happen to current children (dying in an accident or from an illness) and they need to have more children.  But unless you put a gun to a man's head and force him to the dr's office,  you really can't "make" someone do something like that.  

I had a hysterectomy and I don't feel less of a woman.   I'm happy now that I don't have to worry about birth control, sex can be at any time of the day or night.  With the ease of it all, I feel sexier and more free.  I don't get monthly cramps or bloating anymore.  My mood swings are gone.  I am happy as a clam and wish I had gotten one in my 20's.


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Avatar universal
Well lets see.  One partner is usually gearing up a 6 months to a year before the other person has a clue.  If you have kids it ensures you can have more kids but your ex will still be tied to you more through the concious and subconcious realizatin he can't have any more kids.  He is now dependent on you if he has any desire to have access to his kids.

Plus as a woman the entire competition with other women is over.  Plus without other children his role as a provider is enhanced don't you think?

It's kind of like how many women feel like they are less as woman after they get a hysterectomy.
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Avatar universal
"Ypu guys would be surprised how many women try to get men to do a vasectomy right before they break up."

Deliberately?  Why?
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Avatar universal
Ypu guys would be surprised how many women try to get men to do a vasectomy right before they break up.
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Avatar universal
I feel exactally the same about the vasectomy. I never expected my ex to do what she did and for us to break up. I'm actually glad we ended up breaking up. I found a great woman that makes me more happy and content than I've ever been in my life. But, we'd like to have a child of our own, and now I have to go through all the problems of getting rewired... On the other hand, for the couple years before I completed the DX of my last wife, being able to be fully certian that I wouldn't get another woman pregnant was a great relief while I sowed a few wild oats (of course precautions for STD's were taken, but I never wanted to be in a situation were a former lover could entrap (sp?) me the way my ex did)
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Avatar universal
I'd love it if there was a reliable, reversible form of male birth control (other than the condom, of which I'm not an enthusiast).  My wife had to muck around with her body for years in order to control her fertility so we could plan our family; after our third we decided that was enough, and it was my turn to take control of our joint fertility, so I got the cut, the only option available to me.

Of course, a couple of years later, here we are and my wife wants to separate.  If and when I ever recover from this situation sufficiently to be back out on the market again, my vasectomy is bound to affect my chances of a long-term relationship.  I never envisaged that I could be in this situation, and I wish I hadn't had the vasectomy.
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657440 tn?1224571511
On male Birth Control...I beleive it is a two way street concerning the conceving of children. Women have the right to choose and so should men. After all it takes two! I would think that women would embrace men using birth control because it frees themselves from the concern of getting pregnant. So in short I fully support the use of male birth control. I myself had a vasectomy when I was 28, after my daughter was born. I have no regrets as I do not wish to have any more children. So for some to have more than one option for birth control, a pill or the vasectomy, would be great.
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Avatar universal
Direct message sent...

Concerning male birthcontrol; I never thought about it until you mentioned it now. But, I would love to have been the one in control of when my kids were conceived. I had my first when I was just 17 and only a couple months after basic training. She said was off the pill, but it was so soon after it wouldn't matter if we had unprotected sex. It's definatly partly my fault as well. But to have had a better choice would have mattered a lot. The other 2 were not really thought out, my ex just decided she wanted a baby and quit taking her BC pills. I finally got a vasectomy and regret it now. I'm currently married and would love to have a baby with my wife, but I have to get a vasectomy reversal and the wait list is little bit long. Not to mention the failure rate and pain of having my guys go through sugery again.
I don't see why a woman would think she can complain about a man having a decision in the baby making process. Especially in a case like mine.
I have more thoughts on the subject, but I need to throw a burrito down my throat before I go back out and fix some helicopters.
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Avatar universal
Here is a thought for the guys.

How do you think male birth control could or would have affected you life?

It is scheduled to be released in America in about 5 years elsewhere in three years.

Some womens rights groups are already complaining that it puts too much reproductive power in mens hands.

It is though that the populations in most countries where it is used will plunge and that the child custody industry will bottom out sending a lot of scumbag attorneys to different troughs to feed.

Ironically of the test groups currently in place, one complaint by the women was that in many cases the MEN did not want to quit using it!

So what are your thoughts?
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Avatar universal
You'll have to tell me what battalion your out of some time, if your in the military.  I just saw where you're located out of!  

On a direct message not this message board though.
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Avatar universal
What does being a man mean to me? I could let me thoughts roll like the sams and gulf vet did. But, in a nutshell; I feel that being a man, a good man, means that others look to you and want to be seen in the same light as you. Those younger aspire to be like you, those older than you give you a nod that you're doing the right things. People, especially your family, always know they can count on you. When you fail, they know you tried your best, and you'll continue to make it right to the best of your ability.
I guess that's a big nutshell, and doesn't encompass everything. But that's pretty close to what I can express without taking up too much time here at work.
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657440 tn?1224571511
Sorry Sam I got side tracked and never answered your question.

What does it mean to be a man to me?
I beleive being a man means taking responsibility for you actions, always standing up for what you feel is right, defending your family till the end, to be the rock your family can always depend on, to always be punctual(on time), to be dependable, to be loving, to be strong, to be stable and provide a loving well disaplined atmosphere for your children to grow, to teach your children how to be open and loving yet also strong and never back down when they know their right. to teach understanding and patience, to teach passion for life, to encourage your children to dream, to be there to help pick them up when they fall, to teach that it is always better to turn the other cheek and work out differences with words yet teach them how to fight so they can protect themselves.

And last but not least being a man to me means I can pee standing up!

I'm sorry I just had to end with some humor.
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657440 tn?1224571511
I feel that after Jasmine205 posted, Wonderful Quote by the way, this thread went downhill fast. I am an extreamly chit chatty male, a social butterfly if you will. I can mix up the latest dinner reciepies with most domesticated women and BS about engines or offroading with most guys, don't care for pro sports.  So instead if going off, Ladies, with your single sided idle chit chat, why don't you post some relavent topics to discuss with the men in the forum, instead of just trying to poke fun, and stur the pot. If you wanna hang with the guys...act like one! Ask the questions you want answers to. Kinda makes me think about the whole situation with women in the military. They want the same jobs as the men and the such. I say OK, fine by me. But heres the catch...if the women want the same as the men, then they have to follow the same rules! Shave their heads, make their hair regulations the same as the mens. Make them perform up to the same standards as the men have to on their PT test, thats Physical Training for you non military persons. I could keep going but why let it all out now, gotta save some for later.
By the way...I really love this forum! I am in no way trying to offend anyone, just stating my "feelings" you know that other thing guys never show. LOL
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173939 tn?1333217850
Could be, RR. I usually blend right into the BBQ and baseball groups to escape the kitchen yap and I work with guys only. So I know that emotional and philospohical statements are rarely made and rather stifled with a buddy-to-buddy joke. I just assumed that deep down most men have an urge to make a strong statement about their role in life and society and would love to do this anonymously in a forum such as this. Not the case. Fear of embarrassment. Writing is cumbersome.

Sam, now that your post has been hi-jacked by females after all, you will have to re-post under *Baseball and BBQ Weekend* and ask the men where, why, how they see their position in the event. They might just drop in some strong opinions between hot dog and home run.
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13167 tn?1327194124
Trial,  I think  it's because men aren't usually all that chatty.  

Men like to play basketball or golf of barbecue and women like to stand in the kitchen and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk.  

Men like to talk to women,  and women like to talk to men,  but when you have a thread where it says please only men talk to men only you will see few men there.


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173939 tn?1333217850
It makes me sad to see that your own gender, except for Sammy, chooses to remain silent. No feedback on the Men`s Health forum, little on here. Missing out on all the opportunities to speak up. Why, why, why.
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Avatar universal
Why men only?  How often do women get a chance to see how or why men do the things they do.  I understand women better than most men do to some normal but oddly combined circumstances, training ang a personality and voice that wierdly enough often leads to people telling me all of their secrets ambitions etc. no matter how blunt or odd.

But... I would be presumptious in telling you how a woman thinks.  Tthe same with men & this topic.

Actually my background is social work psychology(finishing BA's) with an associates in Criminal Justice and more than a couple years in the army.

No experience in corrections or law enforcement my opinion is somewhat antithetical regarding the philosophy and attitudes generally expressed in those fields.
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541150 tn?1306033843
Thank you! I did enjoy reading Sam's and Sammy's posts. And some of the words reminded me of my sweetheart. I love him very much. I know he'd say the same things.
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Avatar universal
You are a very lucky woman.
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541150 tn?1306033843
Allow me to sabotage this one, too LOL
Just wanted to say that I am pleased with what I’ve read. If my husband were to post, he’s say the exact same words.
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Avatar universal
Why does this have to be for men only? I believe that there is a women's social forum because women naturally are more social.

If this is the way you think, SeriousSam, I hate to tell you but you are rare. I have read many of your post and they used to irritate me because you appear to have a chip on your shoulder about women verses men. If you are anything like what you wrote about, "what it is like to be a man?", I believe you are what a man should be like. I'm sorry for whatever happened in your life to make you so angry. I feel you have so much that could be offered to other males in a positive way such as being an example of what a man should be like. Forget about the whole men verses women thing, and set a good example for others. Except for this issue, you sound alot like my Dad who was a great male example.

Do you work in corrections or law enforcement by any chance?

Sorry for posting on a Man only forum but, remember I'm just a woman. Forgive me.
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