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Friendship
We've been good friends with another couple for a very long time. We have gone through life's happy and sad moments: Kids graduations, weddings, grandchildren, parents dying etc.
Our relationship has had it ups and down, but since last fall, when we took a trip together, it seems every time we are together, my husband and I are on edge, and come home tense: they want to decide where we go, don't even ask what wine we order, and always have a negative comment.
My husband has come to the point that he doesn't want to get together with them. Although I am hurt from their behavior, I am not ready to give up the friendship: I never liked confrontations, and never had a fight with a friend.
Unfortunately though this makes my husband and I fight.
Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Our relationship has had it ups and down, but since last fall, when we took a trip together, it seems every time we are together, my husband and I are on edge, and come home tense: they want to decide where we go, don't even ask what wine we order, and always have a negative comment.
My husband has come to the point that he doesn't want to get together with them. Although I am hurt from their behavior, I am not ready to give up the friendship: I never liked confrontations, and never had a fight with a friend.
Unfortunately though this makes my husband and I fight.
Any suggestions on how to handle this?
Sending an email? That's pretty passive aggressive. Are you that afraid of confronting a friend?
Why can't you have them over? Meeting her for lunch to talk about this is ok I suppose. If your relationship with this woman means a lot to you then you should definitely address this problem. Don't let this stew any longer.
Why can't you have them over? Meeting her for lunch to talk about this is ok I suppose. If your relationship with this woman means a lot to you then you should definitely address this problem. Don't let this stew any longer.
How about sending my girl friend an email explaining the situation?
Or just meeting her for lunch?
Or just meeting her for lunch?
Maybe I channeled your husband? :))))
Well, what have you done in the past when the relationship was at a low point?
Do you and your husband assert yourselves when they are trying to control the situation or are you just letting them take over, say nothing and go home angry and then you two fight? If you aren't asserting yourselves then how will they know how you feel?
I suggested a "break," not avoid them. I don't suggest you "avoid" them as that sounds pretty passive aggressive and that's maladaptive and will solve NOTHING. Maybe it is time you stop avoiding the "elephant in the room" and address this? Have them over for brunch, coffee or dinner and just have a talk with them. Now, don't expect your husband to participate, however, share with him what you would like to do. This way you CONTROL the food, drinks, wine, etc. in YOUR home. The interaction is on YOUR turf.
Sounds like you have been through a lot of experiences with them and I think a heart to heart is the way to go.
Well, what have you done in the past when the relationship was at a low point?
Do you and your husband assert yourselves when they are trying to control the situation or are you just letting them take over, say nothing and go home angry and then you two fight? If you aren't asserting yourselves then how will they know how you feel?
I suggested a "break," not avoid them. I don't suggest you "avoid" them as that sounds pretty passive aggressive and that's maladaptive and will solve NOTHING. Maybe it is time you stop avoiding the "elephant in the room" and address this? Have them over for brunch, coffee or dinner and just have a talk with them. Now, don't expect your husband to participate, however, share with him what you would like to do. This way you CONTROL the food, drinks, wine, etc. in YOUR home. The interaction is on YOUR turf.
Sounds like you have been through a lot of experiences with them and I think a heart to heart is the way to go.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Do you think a break from them will help things blow over? could you just invite them over as that was an excellent idea from Londres?
You sound so much like my husband! Thank you for your advice!
Now, if you could advise me how to avoid them, without really breaking the relationship! Should I have a talk with my girlfriend, and tell her how we feel?
Thanks!
Now, if you could advise me how to avoid them, without really breaking the relationship! Should I have a talk with my girlfriend, and tell her how we feel?
Thanks!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Well, what about just backing off a bit. That isn't ending the friendship but maybe not doing as much together. Friendships have an ebb and flow and sometimes a little break does wonders. Then you remember what you DID like about them and are happy to reconnect. good luck
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Unfortunately though this makes my husband and I fight.
Any suggestions on how to handle this?"............So, you are OK with confronting and fighting with your husband, but don't want to rock the boat with a friend? This is the SAME person you made vows with.........your husband.
I don't think you have to toss the whole relationship to the side, but perhaps get rid of the vacations together. Perhaps interact with them in an environment that they can't really totally control, e.g. your home. It is your husband's prerogative if he doesn't want anything to do with them anymore.
There is nothing wrong with confrontation so long as it is done in a respectable manner. Most relationships have conflicts from time to time. I find it unusual that you have never had a conflict with a friend.
I would just take some time away from these friends and go from there. Maybe your husband will feel differently about them after taking a break from them.