Getting through this phase...

[majicle]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over 6 months. We are both 17. We have been through a lot within this relatively short time, which brought us very close very quickly. Less than a month into the relationship I started to receive counseling because I had been feeling increasingly depressed and family members had suspected for a long time that i had some form of depression. I was very upset in telling her about this, because I feared that she wouldn't want to get involved with something like this. She told me at this point that I was the most important person in her life because she had been feeling depressed and anxious herself for a long time, and that it had been getting worse for her, and that I had been the first thing that she had felt happy about for a long time. She then told me that even if I became so depressed that I was constantly angry with her she would still not want to leave me. At this point I fell deeply in love with her.

About two weeks later, my girlfriend was diagnosed with depression, after a period of time in which her physical symptoms of anxiety had been worsening and medical aid from the gp had been unsuccessful. Over the course of the next three months her depression worsened, and she was prescribed antidepressants. I put all my effort into trying to keep her mood up and helping her through school, because she meant more to me that anything in the world. Four months into the relationship, she overdosed on sleeping tablets, luckily surviving. After this incident, she began to come out of her depression. She said she was beginning to feel better, and her family, friends and counselors all said she was improving.

Two months down the track, I am still receiving counseling, and my girlfriend on the whole appears happy. However, the thing that is really making me feel depressed is that I can't help but feel that our relationship is beginning to become stagnant, that it is beginning to fall apart. I am really sad about this, because I love her incredibly much, and up until now we have been so happy to have each other, through everything that has happened. She tells me that I was the only reason that she didn't give up, that when she overdosed, she had quickly chosen to tell her mum so she could get to a hospital in time. Although a lot of the past 6 months have been extremely rough for me, I have also had the happiest times of my life, and I want more than anything not to lose something that has been so special for me.

Lately, I can't help but notice lots of little, trivial things that make me think our relationship is falling apart. We used to be able to spend hours at a time together just talking, and now we become bored together fairly quickly. I notice the number of times my girlfriend suggests doing something together is becoming less and less frequent, and I feel as though I always have to be the one to put in the effort to keep our relationship going etc.. Overall it just feels as though we are slowly drifting apart, becoming less open with each other.

I really don't know how to handle it. This is the first relationship I've been in, and I don't know whether to think that this kind of thing can be natural - the initial excitement of being in a new relationship just dying down, or whether I really do need to consider whether it is healthy for us to continue this relationship. We have 'clicked together' really well this whole time, and maybe because the majority of the time has been so emotionally charged, I am not just not used to life just 'running smoothly'. I'm tentative to talk to her about this, because I am still scared that she may still be able to fall back into her depression, and I want more than anything for her to be happy.

I haven't expressed all my thoughts here because there is too much and I can't organize myself properly. I really need help and advice on how to deal with this, because I know that I can easily work myself into a worse state. I love my girlfriend so so much and I do not want to lose her, but I don't know whether either of us will really be happy together. What should I do?

[jo929]

You sound like you have a level head on your shoulders, and also i like the way you think, you know down deep that this relationship is not going to last ,but you can try to be friends i think that you are both trying to depend on each other to much and i know you hate hearing this but 17 is much to young for a serious relationship depression is an up and down thing,and it doe not sound like a good idea for the 2 of you to be together so much you need to sit down and talk with her and tell her she is a friend but education must come first and also both of you must get your health  back as best you can you can beat depression, but to be around it everyday when you have it, is not good when one thinks of suicide that is not the way there is a wonderfull life out there and you should live it to the fullest and enjoy it just try to be a friend, but do not let her drag you down, sorry to be so cruel but one has to depend om themselves sometimes they cant always depend on others. she needs to learn this and she needs much counsling as maybe you do, i do not know  but good luck god bless jo

[Judy246]

First I would like to commend you on your articulation and very well written post. You both have so much future ahead and I think the sleeping pills were a suicide attempt due to her depression. The teen years are one of the most difficult, transitional age, where you are not kids, yet not full adults either. Sort of finding your right spot and way in life and depression comes with the territory. All you can do is support her, but that's all. She is responsible for her choices and finding her way also.

Life is constant change. Nothing stay's the same and you must be realistic that you are both individuals that it's ok to spend time with each other, but their is also, school, friends, family, jobs, etc. Everything will fall into place naturally without looking too deep into everything about the relationship. Enjoy each others company, main focus is your education for tomorrow and better job opportunities, so that you can plan to take the right relationship to the next level. You need to sit down with her and discuss all issues and then re-evaluate the relationship, if you both want to attempt to work it out or move forward in live individually. Good luck, Judy