Girlfriend (sons mother) avoiding me??

[stilltlrforlife]

Ok, this is wierd, My sons mom who is supposedly my girlfriend since around 2011,  well the last couple of years since 2013 actually, things were pretty normal, But then it suddenly got distant on her part, I would aske her to come hang out, and gradually it bacame less and less on her part, (this is not a high scholl age couple we are, both older 30ish) anyway, I have communicated with her about it, when my father passed away, I had a talk with her and funay asked her if she still felt for me the waybshe used to and wanted this to work, she said yes, so I was happy about that, but nothing has changed, I'm doing everything in my power to let her know how Unfeel about her, and she has even told me that we will be seeing eachother more, but she still ignores and avoids the questions when I bring up how I feel. I literally poured out my heart to her today about how I feel, told her that even if i breaks my herat I want to know where we stand, and again just completely pretended that I didn't say a word, and just asked about times Im going to have my son, now..she always did seem to have a hard time saying how she felt about me, but has even told me that even thoug she does not say it like I do, she feels the same way ( that was a while ago) she knows the peices are in front of her because I told her. Even if It shatters my heart, I told her I need to know...she told me not too long ago that something was wierd with her and just has no ambition to do stuff with anyone, but seems like its just me that the problem lies. Ive been in a slump myself but always made sure that I didnt push her away, but now that I can see the light out of my hard times, I even told her that...so I put it all on the line for her, told her exactly how I feel about her and would like for us to gwt back to us again, and if she had to break my heart that Im prepared, of course I dont want it to happen but I cant make her stay with me, Its a wierd situation and I feel I have the right to know what way she wants to go to see if we are on the same page or not, but I cant get an answer, I love this girl too much to just walk away, after all Im the one who wants  it to work,  so that is why I put the ball in her court, but she did nothing other than avoided the question, could it be that she just isnt sure, or she does feel that way and os just going through some strange spell? I wish I knew how to find out...that why im here asking now. If I think of any more details I will be sure to put them down, it really is a long story, and Im not good at explaing by typing. If someone could help...that would be great, I really love her and want to go back the way it should be if possible.

[stilltlrforlife]

Were not living together. I sent you a message.

[Nighthawk61]

You've mentioned that you've been down a very rough road, and i'm wondering if this is the reason why she's not as up on the relationship? Can you elaborate on the troubles you've been having ?

Are you living together? If not, it could be that you're not able to bond sufficiently for her to consider this relationship as "serious"..

I agree that the traditional ways that people have declared their love allows both parties to acknowledge their mutual affection, however, i've seen just as many "common law" couples that are just as close, so i don't think that a deal breaker.

Shyness is a personality trait ,When one is shy it can lead to a liability in that you may not be able to coax out opinions, find out how they feel about the relationship (meaning that the relationship can not be worked on as well) , or be outgoing in your mutual friendships. It's up to you to learn to accept or try to change this trait about her. As you've said , she's getting better at being open with you... but is the change going to be enough for you? Can you accept this person as they are, without qualms?

Could a marriage counselor help you both learn to communicate on a deeper level ? and find out if she is as deeply in love with you as you are with her? .

[stilltlrforlife]

   Id forgot to mention, that she is not the "stand up in front of her family and say her intent" she is and has been shy to things like that, as a matter of fact, she is starting to come around a little, Ive been subtly telling her how I feel about her for a couple days, she told me that she was speechless over what im saying. I'm thinking that she might have been waiting for me to say something. She always was extremely shy about things like that, and untill she tells me to stop, Im going to continue to tell her how I feel about her. I know for a fact that she would have never stood up in front of people and tell me her intentions. Just letting you know that there has been a slight improvement on how she looks at me now. I'm blaming myself for slowing down with prooving how I feel about her, as I have been through a very rough road, and im finally out of it,  and I did not want her to go down with me, ive told her this and I think she realizes this. Im still not giving up untill she pushes me away for good.

[RockRose]

I think your story demonstrates the value of traditional marriage before starting a family.  Had you asked her to get up and stand in front of all her family and friends and say her intent was to be with you for the rest of her life and love only you,  you'd have had your answer years ago,  and that answer is "no".  

So now it is,  years down the road that you're left in this unworkable relationship that you want a deeply committed bonded relationship and she doesn't.  She wants a luke warm sometimes relationship when she's in the mood.  

Although you don't think she's given you an answer,  I believe she's given you her answer loud and clear.  She wants the relationship exactly as it is,  which is not the deep relationship you want.