I am a 30 yr old male and have been dating a girl for approximately 2 months. It has been going well and we get along great. My only issue is she is very open and has divulged nearly every aspect of her past to me....mainly around past relationship, guys she has slept with etc etc. This is info I didn't ask for and if I had my own way I would choose not to know. she also seems to bring up exs names in so many concersations. Things like "Me and Matt used to have dinner here all the time" or "Me and Shawn used to enjoy doing this together"
I have brought this to her attention as it is really unsettling to me. She was understanding when I told her I didn't like it and has gotten better but still seems to drop the exs names all the time. We can't have a conversation without her talking about someone she has dated before.
I am not naive in thinking I'm the only guy she has been with, nor do I expect her not to have a past relationship/sexual history....however I find it hard to get out of my head now that she has told me everything about everything, plus when she is always mentioning past partners.
I would really like some advice on what I should do?? Is it me that's the problem or do I have a point with what im saying? Like I said im not naive in thinking she hasn't had a past....but it's hard not to think about it when she has painted such a picture for me.
Sometimes too much is too much as I really don't see any reason why she would divulge so much information about her past relationships. I really don't blame you for getting miffed about this as it is concerning indeed.
I dated a guy like this once.......he was WAY too open for my liking. He told me everything in a short period of time. You name it he told me. It made me feel super uncomfortable. He then expected me to do the same.....be super open and tell him everything. Well, needless to say things didn't work out between us. I got tired of hearing about what he did with his exs. In fact he was still friends with a lot of his exs he spoke about which made matters worse.
I would say she has the problem. Who would want to be with someone who is constantly thinking about the past? She should be focus on the now.....which is you. If she can't do that then she isn't the girl/woman for you.
Thanks a lot for your comments londres70. I thought it may have been me who had the issue an that's why I posted the question. Sometimes we are in the wrong and don't know it. In the whole time we have been together I have not once mentioned anyone I've ever been with, only once when she asked me. I feel it's disrespectful to tell someone your seeing about everything you've done with previous partners.
My current problem now is this.....even if she stops mentioning her past and ex boyfriends etc, I feel I know so so much about her past it's hard not to think about it when I'm with her. How do I get around this?
"My current problem now is this.....even if she stops mentioning her past and ex boyfriends etc, I feel I know so so much about her past it's hard not to think about it when I'm with her. How do I get around this?".............There is NO way to "get around this." She is who she is and I doubt she will stop this behavior on your account. Do you really want to be with someone who has zero discretion about what she shares with you and others? Who knows what she is telling other people about you two. She has pretty much ruined things by divulging too much about herself and there is no way to "fix" this.
I would recommend you cut your losses and move on. You've only been with her for 2 months which really isn't a lot of time invested.
We date for a reason and it shouldn't be in hopes to change someone or fix someone. She way too open and inappropriate.
Is she the type of girl that keeps friendships with these men? If she sees them is she really friendly?
If she is, she doesn't understand the depth of a intimate relationship and friendship, I believe.
I know a girl who would go on dates but would never commit to a guy unless she fell head over heals as soon as she met him. Unfortunately, for every other guy she doesn't seem to understand that talking about "Jesse" and "Daniel" and "Kyle" was awful because this guy is ready to commit, but she has a whole list of examples and stories of why you shouldn't be with her, things you don't want to do with we because she did it with someone else, and places you don't want to take her because she did something with them there.
It's hard, but moving on in this situation is best. It's clear she is talking to you as a friend, sharing her darkest and such.. But if she cared for you, she wouldn't be telling you her best memories, she would be making the effort to make better memories with you.
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