Greet an ex after 2 years of no contact because it turned out bad?

[annie_35]

My main concern is about the no contact rule. The ex and I have been broken up since 2006, I still stayed involved with him until 2008 and it wasmy fault that I never changed my ways. Now that I think of it, I took him for granted all those years. I would get angry whenever he would tell me at the time he didn’t want a girlfriend or why we couldn’t get back together, and he would tell me not now. I knew the reason was because of me and my actions. I blamed him for what I couldn’t change myself. Everytime I’d get mad or controlling, I would tell him I never want to talkto him again and that’s what happened in 2008. A week later after we had spent time together, I knew something had changed within the quickness. I felt there was anther woman. I was right, that’s when I found out he was already seeing someone new. I had no idea, I was devastated. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. It hurt a lot. I let a couple months pass, about 7 months, knowing he was still with this newgirlfriend and did something I expected not to turn out the way it did. I confessed my love to him, all through text, asked him why he never tried to contact me, if he felt anything towards me, justeverything I wanted to know for the past 7 months of no contact. Expecting him to at least say something in return, I never felt so rejected in my life before. He mentioned he didn’t know what he felt towards me, he texted me why did I wait so long to ask him this and that I shouldve contacted him before he had a girlfriend. I was lost, vulnerable and so hurt all over again. As much as I wanted to try to contact him the first time I even heard about him seeing someone new, I stopped myself. What was messed up of me and very selfish was that I did contact him when he was already with someone new.
Even during this text conversation, I kept pushing his buttons, if he had anything else to say, he said no, I texted more still asking if he was really happy, he replied back, yup. One of the last things I texted was that, “it would help me a lot if you told me to leave you alone” and I was in awe when he texted back “please do” I still went at it after leaving the last text at “you think I’m crazy huh” and I never heard from him until this very day of 2010.
I am going to admit, I tried calling, with my intention of apologize about a month after that all happened in 2008, but what I got in return was tht his number was not a working number. It killed me all over again that he actually cut me out of his life, and really, I thought he never would. I know one of the last things I texted was that it would help me if he told me to leave him alone, I just didn’t expect him to go with it. That’s what backfired on me and it still hurts til this day, maybe not as much, but I am still very clearly able to remember what happened that very time.
He was my first love, I was his second, the whole time we were involved- dating, actually a couple and post break up added up to about 5 years. I’m still trying to heal and move on.
How does the no contact rule work in this situation? I try to tell myself that he’s done me a big favor by changing his number, but I keep thinking, waiting he’s going to text me or call me. Last thing I heard about him was him and that girlfriend broke up and I never imagined that to happen. I hope he’s doing well, whther he’s still single or working things out.
I don’t want to be a fool and look like a big fool again if I try to contact him. I do have mutual friends where Im able to find out his number, I just feel it’s foolish of me to do so. I still think of him til this day and just wish I could apologize for acting the way I did. But if he really did go out of his wayto change his number, Im having trouble accepting this after so much time has passed.
Should I even try to greet him as his bday is coming up?

[mami1323]

What will it take for you to gain closure?  I mean searching for his number through friends is odd, especially if he wanted to talk to you he would.  No calling him for anything.  He's moved on...you need to accept that and do it as well.  What do you want him to hang up on you or act weird on the phone for you to get it?  Here is my suggestion, sit down and write him a letter.  Tell him everything you've wanted to say to him and then tear it up.  Maybe if you get it out on paper, you will feel better.  No one can tell you how to move forward, you just have to understand that the relationship you had with him is going to be one of many and it is in the past where it should remain.

[annie_35]

So I should not greet him a happy birthday? Trying to find his number from mutual friends does seem insane.. I just feel it may give me some more closure since it's been years, even after rejection the first time. I know, closure happened a long, LONG time ago.
How do i get rid of the urge to wanting to contact him again?

[annie_35]

That really got me, thanks. I know I was a great girlfriend at one point, but I kept constantly nagging and was trying to be controlling so he would get back with me after we broke up. Jealousy and my emotions when I would drink got the best of me. No wonder we never got back together back then because I never changed my nagging ways.  That's another thing I learned along taking him for  granted, to not try to be controlling.
He does deserve to be happy after all the years he put up with me, whether he's trying to work things out with his past girlfriend or single. I just never thought he would get tired of me.
I am very glad I'm not a total drama queen anymore and that's a gift. I know we all make mistakes but it still bothers me that wow, I was really that insane and out of control, making up things that weren't even true. I blew things out of proportion and this is what i got. There are many things a person is not proud of and this is definitely going on my list. I didn't want things to turn out this way, guess I never really thought it out that the total unexpected can really happen. That's life.
There are times where I still beat myself over this because I'm still single after all these years and just feeltheres something wrong with me, plus I'm scared to commit and basically fall in love. Though I know it all comes with the risk, especially after this first love, it just gets a little hard to believe and hope the right one is out there...somewhere.  

[Caromar]

If it helps...why if you were such a great girl friend did he let you go? So yeah, your lose not his. All I am reading on your posts is how much drama capacity you have...he lost all that drama from his life so you could say, He lost the drama. Seriously it sound to me the guy is just tired of you, if you do contact him you will be automatically promoted to the next level...from bugging to stalker. I am sure in 2 years if he has not missed you, not even the first week you were away, he will never ever miss you, so do not worry about him missing you, the only one obsesed here is you not him. I am glad you stopped the drama because there is nothing more bothersome than a drama queen...you might be a good cook, a very good lover, be very attractive, caring and loving, but if you are putting drama constantly into a relationship you pretty much are putting a wall to cover all your good qualities.

Move on, I can assure you he is not the only good guy out there.

[annie_35]

even after all these years, I let this bring me down. I started finally going back to the gym and working out, getting more involved in things I enjoy. I highly am grateful for all the support and advice, but how am I supposed to live with the fact that he is the one that got away? The official time we were together, I know I was a great girlfriend, so how am I to make myself stopthinking that it was his loss, when it was really mine?I keep telling myself he's going to miss me one of these days, reality is, if he did, we would be in contact. I just feel that even after all these years, I still take account and feel guilty for all the drama I've caused. I am very appreciative that I have not started any drama for myself or others this past year and am proud for not letting my emotions take over my actions. That's a very valuable lesson I learned, to not jump to conclusions and take anyone for granted.
I look forward to the next one, whenever that may be.

[imanaddict]

This guy is your "one that got away" and we all have one or two of those.

[specialmom]

Hi, I agree with the others.  He really couldn't have been more clear that he does not want to get together with you and at some point, you will slip into the crazy X girlfriend if you keep initiating contact.  

Move on.  Work on yourself and things that make you happy.  As you become happier with yourself in your own life, he will seem less important.  And you will eventually meet someone else.  Not every romance is suppose to work out----  some teach us valuable lessons.  If you took him for granted and he was a great guy----  you will be less inclined to take your next guy for granted.

I know it hurts to be rejected-----  but look at it as an opportunity to find the RIGHT person for you.  goodluck

[imanaddict]

I'm sorry hun but I agree with the others, you have got to let this go! How will you ever be able to move forward with your life if you continue to dwell in the past? This relationship did not work out for a reason and you must let go and move on to find someone else who worships the ground you walk on.

[psyvamp]

I agree with mami...let it go, move on with YOUR life, you have LET this situation pull you down and hold you back for years?!?!  

I know it's hard... but it's NOT impossible... to find your true happiness-- you need to first look within yourself.

Once you let go, and start taking care of yourself... other things will eventually fall into place.  

Best of luck....

[mami1323]

I think if he was interested in speaking with you again he would attempt to contact you. Leave it alone! I know it hurts but you have to try and let it go and move on. He wasn't the one for you.