Grown man can't let go of his mommy!!!

[nena1973]

what psychological effects will a mother who see's her son's girlfriend's as rivals, who spends excess amounts of time with him, tries to do things for him, wants her son to seek her approval on everything, has no boundaries even when son is using the restroom or showering have on her son? What type of parent will her son be? He has already had a neverous breakdown because he would spend one week away from his family, in a town 2 hrs away,

[CPUnicorn76]

I'm in a 8.5 year relationship with a man who  puts his elderly, jealous, miserable, grumpy and clingy mother before me. We lived together and I just recently moved out. She's got serious separation anxiety issues and always has to have him in her sights, and she shoots her mouth off about me to anyone and everyone who  will listen but will be phoney nice to my face. I love him dearly because he is a good man, but I now realize he will never be husband material. His communication skills with me are very bad and he seems like he is emotionally immature. He will NEVER speak up to his mother and put me first. Ever. No matter how hard I try. She's an 81 year old self sufficient widow who plays the "lonely" card but is extremely manipulative and meddling. She still has her wits about her and can do things on her own, but for some reason he won't move out with me. I literallyoved down the street in hopes we could be close enough to her so that he could check on her.  His sister lives two streets over and wants nothing to do with the mother.

I feel like I've wasted my life on someone who won't marry me, commit to me, or have children with me because his mother will always come first, yet he treats her like ****, loves under her roof, and he hates that she is so overbearing. But she makes him feel guilty so he stays. It's ruined us. I am so pissed at myself for hanging on this long but  love can be severely  blinding. He's a great guy with a good personality and has been good to my friends and parents but no matter what he will never put me first. I'm so sad.

[lucknlove1989]

A momma's boy is NEVER a good thing.That used to be my husband and now they no longer talk. It got to the point where she pushed me to the edge and I said a lot of things that had just built up inside. She was up hiss butt 24/7 and wouldnt let him go anywhere or do anything without him. It was like i was dating him and his mom. It was the worse!!! She would constantly find something small but negative to say about me and put stuff in his head causing us to fight. She went as far as when he proposed to me as to tell him that he ruined her life and that things would never be the same. She wanted him to pick between me and her and he wouldnt do it. Eventually he saw all the stress she caused and he also grew tired of it. Needless to say when we did get married she was not invited and we havent spoken to her in almost a year. Hopefully your situation is not as serious as mine was. Good luck!

[RockRose]

Thanks,  getitright.  ;D

[RainLover71]

Top answer RockRose,You've done it again.Great insight.I believe your response says it all.

[RockRose]

Nena, you don't have to ask this question - you know already.  From the way you wrote that post,  it's pretty clear you know this man isn't a good candidate for husband and father.  

Why do you ask?

Best wishes.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I know a Mother, Son like this.  I've known them for 40+ years.  Today She is 91 years old and He will be 69 in January.  He has been married 3 x's and Mom has ALWAYS interferred in EVERY relationship but Sonny DOES invite Her into His and Current Wife's business every time.

Today Mommy and Son live together. I'm not suggesting sex but I do see this as a very incestuous relationship.  The home They live in today is the one He was born and raised in - it's sorta like He's crawled back to the womb.

Sonny is putting together ANOTHER (this will be #4) relationship that I'm quite sure is going to end in the same way as all the others.  I know this (new) woman too (She's 62) and I've "gently" suggested She have a conversation with the previous Wives.

Londres70 hit this nail on the head.  The Mother and Son I know NEED therapy desperately but they DO NOT see there is a problem and They DO NOT want change.  They like things the way they are.

[Londres70]

Dear, your just stated the "psychological" effect this mother has had on her son in your post.  

What kind of father would he be.....hmmmm.......if he doesn't get therapy for this he will be a father letting his mother pretty much control how he parents, i.e. the mother will be controlling how the grandchildren are raised.  

Both mother and son NEED therapy desperately, but FIRST they would have to SEE there is a problem and then want to change.  

I hope to God you aren't married to this man.  

[RainLover71]

Oh Dear,a mommys boy.Not good news.She will always be around and you will be dancing to her tune i can assure you.He will always be at her beck and call and where will you fit into this picture?Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone like this.This is a relationship going nowhere.Is he in a relationship with you or his mother.