Hang in there, deadline, or seperate? Tired of dealing with addict hubby

[numbandtiredwifeofaddict]

My husband was prescribed pain medicine for a lower back pain for the first time 3 years ago. Since then it has been a rollercoaster of the typical prescription pain addict. He was initially prescribed 100 valium, and 100 Lortab. Then after a few months of that, he lowered dose to Lorcet because he was using too much Lortab. Then the Doc gave him MS Cotin, which he was on for 4 months without my knowledge. I found out by receiving a quaterly update from our insurance company. I knew he was taking more meds than prescribed so I called his doctor. His doctor wouldn't prescribe anymore to him, so he went to our long time family doctor. Who does do liver tests, but prescribes him Lorcet, and now Norcor and Ultram. However, he doubles what is recommended to take. He lies to me about how many he takes, and will tell me he hasn't gone to doc and wants to get off and then go pawn his amplifier to go to doc behind my back and get medicine. He hides his medicine in or around the house and this past week I asked him how he was doing and he would tell me, "about 3-4 pills a day" finally I told him I wanted him to get me his bottle and let me count to see where he is at, which he let me do, and he is actually averaging about 10 each day. He is grumpy and emotional. We have been married almost 12 years and have a 9 and 11 yr old sons. I am so tired of the lies. he used to be addicted to cocaine and overcame that only to have 3 months clean before getting a prescription for these meds. The lying is so hard. I am a Christian and I keep forgiving him, but I feel like if he never has a consequence that he will never change. It is so frustrating living this life with him and breaks my heart to see him battle this, but I don't see an end.

We are only 33 (about to be 34) we married in 11/97 because we found out that we were pregnant. He has left about 5 times throughout the marriage. (few times in 98 because "he didn't love me", then in 2002 b/c he cheated on me and I made him leave, then in 2004 because of drug addiction) only for a few weeks at the most.  We started seening a marriage counseling couple 2 weeks ago. Except for his addiction problems we have not had too many problems, except those that are caused through his drug/addiction issues. The kids have been very protected from all of this and part of me thinks if I can just hang in there and deal with it for 8 more years then at least the kids will be grown and won't have to be let down. I don't know. I know I can handle it, but think that if he doesn't change then eventually we will not be able to hide it from our boys. However, part of me would love to have a normal marriage, but being a CHristian I feel like I need to keep offering forgiveness and accept things as they are and support im the best I can. It's just so hard.

Oh, our home is in Foreclosure as well, and  we are in horrible financial situation. Our income was decreased from about 85K each year to 40K because of new home market in FL, he built homes and now had to take a job earning 2/3 less than before. He has had 3 layoffs in last 2 years. Please feel free to ask any more questions to help offer advice.

[mami1323]

I'm sorry to say but the kids will feel the pains of divorce no matter what age they are.  However, do not stay with him for the sake of the kids because it is unhealthy for them to be in a household with unhappy parents.  You may think you shield them but kids are smarter than you think.  They can see through facades.  I would continue with therapy for a while and see what happens.  

[megochick101]

I hate to say this but he may need for you to leave him in order to admit and get help for his problem. It'll sort of be a blunt wake up call to him saying "hey these drugs are ruining my marriage" but it's up to him to change anything about it. It'll be very hard for him and HE alone needs to want to and be determined to quit.

As to his drug use affecting the kids. You have a 9yo and a 11yo, they are old enough to realize that something is wrong with their father. They may not know what is effecting him but I bet they have some inclination that something with him is not right. If your kids do not know about the addiction know, i doubt you can hide it from them for too much longer. Do you want to continue to keep your kids in this situation? It's good that you're thinking of your children, but there comes a point when you have to think of what is best for ALL of you. If you feel you could do the following I would highly suggest it. Do not let him near the money, you are both in a bad financial situation and drugs are expensive!. Keep it under tight guard, if he needs money to buy something, YOU go out and buy what he needs or only give him enough money for what he needs and no more. If he can't get money then he can't get his drugs. You also need to force him to sit down and talk to you. He needs to start accepting responsibility for his actions. His drug usage is ruining your marriage and is helping to make your debt even worse! Tell him you love him but you cannot put up with his addiction anymore. Tell him If he will not take control of his actions and seek help for his addiction, you will be forced to leave because his drug usage is not a healthy environment for you or the children. You need to have a big heart to heart with him, if he doesn't listen, i would try and get friends and family involved and do an intervention.

There is no end to his addiction until he admits he has a problem and until he wants to seek help.