Happiest/Healthiest Toxic Relationship Ever

[AngrySadConfused]

So, I'm new to this... I'm in a brand new relationship with my best friend. We've known each other over 12 years (before either of us had children) and have been there through all the highs and lows. We had both been single at least 3 years before I given his thoughts of 'us' any thought. My greatest fear was losing my best friend.

So here we are (after getting through all the red tape of 'how to keep our friendship in a relationship') officially titled boyfriend and girlfriend. Two weeks into it we decided to go get tested. He completed a normal std panel  and I requested all possible tests. So... Fast forward to the results. He tested negative for everything tested, and I tested positive for hsv1 and hsv2..... (It was a shock to me, I've never had any symptoms, sores, or outbreaks)

Truth is, he wasn't tested for hsv and now I'm going out of my mind! We both talked about our results, even called the doctor and spoke on speaker phone... He really is my best friend and I'm so in love with him. As silly as it may sound, I feel that he is my 'happily ever after'.

1) But now what? Do I do the selfless thing and let him go?
I don't want to put him in the position where he has to break up with me because he can't take it (it's a lot to deal with), but I don't want to lose him. I just want him to make a clear-minded decision.

2) Do I wait for him to get test results for hsv?
He seems to think that everything will be fine and there will be no need for this convo if his results come back positive as well... The concern with that is, I don't want him to be positive and if he isn

3) Am I supposed to be okay with him testing negative and wanting to continuing our relationship?
At this time idk the risk of infecting him or about any treatments, this is all fairly new. (We haven't been sexualy active since before all of this).

4) Put yourself in his shoes and answer me this: If you felt you finally got the change to be with the one you wanted for the last 3 years, you get tested and find out they have herpes virus.... What would be your thoughts on the relationship at that point???
He has told me for years he's going to make me his wife, and I know he wants children. It's been writing on my mind what to do, but he doesn't want to talk about it (he'll listen, not speak). I know it's been weighing on him too and I don't want to push him to get the test right now. I would like him to do it in his own time because reality is, this is a lot to take in all at once.

I'm feeling anger (toward my ex fiancé), depression (due to diagnosis), and confusion all at once. I just don't know anymore. I feel that I've finally found a safe, happy, healthy relationship and come to find out I'm toxic! What do I do?

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, this was also advised in the herpes forum that the test you took was the IGM which is not the test to confirm you have herpes as has a high rate of false positives and since youve never had any outbreaks that were swabbed to confirm herpes,  you need to re-test with the igG type specific. Without confirming you infact have herpes, all the advise youd be given here may be for nothing.

[AngrySadConfused]

Thank you for your response. It does help to hear it and also brings comfort in knowing that I don't have to be alone forever. I just wish I could figure out what's on his mind. I'm really hurting right now and I feel like it's all my fault.
Hopefully this soon will pass. Thank you.

[thatquietgirl]

My uncle has herpes from his previous marriage and life, but he and my aunt have been married for well over 30 years.  She's still negative.  It can be dealt with, but it does come down to educating yourselves on the virus and learning what to look for and when to avoid sex.